At some point he told some specific story and it was clear that things could have gone a few different ways. Jack is super-smart, as I already mentioned, so he found a way to make things work so that everyone concerned came out ahead. No losers, all winners. It didn’t have to go that way. But his personal philosophy is to be a decent person. As a default.

Which, if you ask me, also happens to be a good business strategy.

Anyway, I said this to Jack and he tweeted it. My exact words, “It’s an effective business strategy to NOT be an asshole.”

I stand by that.

Like most everyone else in the blogosphere, I get pitched a lot. Not as much as some folk, but more than others. Some of those pitches are just plain bad. Not worth skimming all the way through. Some are funny bad. Addressed to the wrong person and/or full of typos. Others may be poorly targeted. Because, let’s face it, I’m not going to be interested in everything.

And still others will interest me. And so I’ll write back. Maybe not right away. Sometimes I get caught up with other things.

Recently I received a not-horribly-written pitch and a follow up email from a company. I replied to the second email. I checked out their site and was mildly interested in learning more.  He requested a phone meeting and scheduled one right away.

He called on time, a plus. And that’s where things fell apart. I asked him to give me the quick version. He then told me exactly what I learned by reading his About page (verbatim). I told him I knew that already. I wanted to know how his product was relevant to my site and my readers.

He asked me the name of my site.

FAIL.

I was dumbstruck. He took the time to schedule the meeting, call, and didn’t take 2 seconds to write a note to himself in prep for the meeting.

I then asked a very specific question about the way his product worked. Which he couldn’t answer. Not with any level of specificity and got angry with me when I asked for even further details.

I told him the call was over. I had enough information to make up my mind.

Ten minutes later I received an email from the same person, telling me I should reconsider my decision. That, in essence, all the cool kids were doing it. And that ‘he was sorry I was unable to understand how it worked.’  Not, ‘he was sorry he wasn’t better able to respond to my questions.’ Or, ‘he was sorry we couldn’t come to an understanding at this time.’  Nope. I was unable to understand.

But here’s the thing. This blog post isn’t about the obnoxious business development dude or the lousy product (neither of which I’m badmouthing by name). It’s about the fact that he was just a kid. A defensive kid who’s not very good at his job. And he probably doesn’t realize that. Yet. And maybe he never will.

The truth is, I/we work in a world where a pretty high percentage of the jobs go to people who are too young and immature for the level of responsibility given to them. So they do dumbass things like show up to meetings (a phone meeting IS STILL A MEETING) unprepared. And blame other people for their inability to explain basic concepts. It’s not my fault if you can’t understand me.

I don’t think there’s a solution to this. Too many companies would prefer to hire young and cheap. Or get interns and call them staff.

Here’s what happened:

1) More than 2/3 of the blogs did not have an option for me to subscribe by email, which is my preference and the preference of millions of people. For clarification =  MILLIONS of people who would like to get each and every post in their email box (as opposed to an rss reader).

2) Another 1/3 of the sites had defection rss links or no rss link.  Which means they had no subscription options.

Hmm. I guess these folks just assume that their fans follow them on twitter and facebook and/or bookmark their sites and so why bother giving readers any other options. Except, it’s pretty damn easy to miss things on twitter and facebook, what with the millions of other things to see/read.

Here’s my point – if you want dedicated readers then you need to make it as easy as you can for them to be fans. Give them as many options as you can to stay connected to your site.  Feed your readers.

PS. There’s no rss/subscriptions options here. It’s just not that kind of a site. Irony.

Like many consumers, I use twitter and facebook (mainly twitter) to let brands know what I’m thinking. A while ago I had an amazing customer service experience with a large national brand (let’s call them Brand A). I’d called them with a question about a return and the person who handled my call was professional, efficient and went out of her way to get me additional information. I was overwhelmed by her kindness and tweeted about it.

A follower replied that she’d had a similarly good experience with the same brand.  And then we shared, in an extended twitter conversation, that we each had received surprisingly poor service from a brand owned by the same corporate parent (I’ll call it Brand B). And that it was disappointing.

Skip ahead 5 minutes and I was immediately contacted on twitter by someone at Brand B. They asked me to email them and even wanted me to follow up with the district manager with details about my poor customer service experience.  I gave them details (store, story, etc) and said I didn’t want to take it further. And then, since it was the same corporate parent, I asked them to please follow up, if they could, and get a message to the district manager about the amazing service I received from Brand A (and I mentioned the store and employee by name). Good work should be noted and rewarded.

A couple of weeks later I found myself on twitter again, badmouthing a brand. This time I was furious. I’d received a delivery of damaged merchandise and when I contacted them via phone the customer service I received was beyond pathetic. So I tweeted. I immediately received a tweet, then a DM, then an apology email and finally the company expedited replacements for the damaged merchandise.

So what’s my point, if I have one? Well, (some) brands seem to be a lot more responsive to tweets than to calls nowadays. Which is a shame.  And so much of what passes for social media work by brands seems to just be damage control, rather than meaningful interaction with genuinely enthusiastic fans. Another shame.

Big fat failures.

I’ve lost plenty of money and time and been pretty damn embarrassed. But… failure is part of life. And all that crap. You can’t succeed if you don’t try. And no one gets anywhere by playing it safe.

Here’s the thing – those projects that failed, they all had one thing in common. I wasn’t all that passionate about any of them. In ALL cases, I was acting on other people’s advice. Doing what someone or a bunch of people were telling me I should do.

Not that I’m trying to defer blame. I made my choices. My choices, my fault.

Just telling a story here.

On several occasions in the last few years I’ve been given advice that was probably decent advice. ‘You should do this.” ‘Here’s a good project for you.’  ’Here’s an easy way to make more money.’  None of these were ideas I particularly liked. But it seemed like smart advice so I tried to follow it. Even though the projects weren’t good fits for me. For one reason or another.

All that said, I’d like to think I’m not going to make those kinds of mistakes again. I’m still open to taking business advice. But now I ask myself a few questions before starting any new project.

1. Is this something I’m passionate about?
2. Will I be working with people I trust and respect?
3. I don’t need a 3.  The first 2 usually stop me from making bad decisions.

I took some time last week to check in on a bunch of the “new” bloggers who’ve started following me on twitter in the past few months. On any given week, I get followed by anywhere from 5-15 “new” dating-related bloggers. I put new in quotation marks because some of the blogs themselves are new, and some of the bloggers have been blogging for a while and have only just recently joined twitter or just recently started to follow me. Note: because of services like WeFollow, most dating/relationship bloggers follow me.

Anyway, I try to find time to check in on the new folks every few months. To see if there are any new-ish bloggers that really stand out, or anyone that I might want to subscribe to. Last week, when I did my check in, I found that the MAJORITY of those new blogs were inactive. Many of them didn’t make it past 5 posts.

When I investigated further, I found that many dozens of bloggers who follow me on twitter, on a variety of topics (but mainly dating and relationships) hadn’t updated in over 2 months.

So here’s some free advice for those of who think you might like to start a blog, on any topic:

1. Before launching, write a minimum of 5 posts. Don’t just think of the stories/topics. Sit down and WRITE the posts. Proofread them, revise, all that good stuff.
2. Realize that you will start with a very small audience. Very. Small. Almost no one if you blog anonymously.  It will take a while and lots of hard work before people start reading and commenting on your posts. Ask yourself: Will I be OK with this?
3. Realize that, no matter what you write, there will be people who write/say mean things about you. Ask yourself: Will I be OK with this?
4. Learn the basics of social media and become a part of the blogging community.
5. Realize that most bloggers quit. Not because they were stupid, or didn’t have things to write about. But because writing/blogging takes time, is essentially a thankless task and only a small percentage of bloggers make any money.

Still interested in blogging? Cool. Just go in with your eyes open.

I was concerned, frankly. I felt that her site wasn’t ready for prime time. That it needed some work. Redesign. Restructuring. Work. And that it was premature for her to spend money on social media marketing, PR, advertising, etc until she got the site itself in order.

She didn’t understand my point. She felt that things were good enough. And she wanted to start getting more visitors and hopefully earning money.

And so I said to her, “You only have 1 chance to make a first impression. If someone clicks on your site, you want that to be a good first impression. You want them to like what they see. To stick around. To subscribe. Spending money on advertising while your site still needs a lot of work is like walking into a business meeting in dirty clothes.”

She still didn’t get what I was saying. Well, that’s OK. Not everyone would agree with me on this, anyway.

Speaking of which. My site. This site. I’ve been making a lousy first impression, lately.  It hasn’t been updated in months. That’s mainly because I wanted to highlight the top post, The Power Of One: Single Edition Media and the sticky post feature on this site is a little wonky (hey, no site is perfect… not even close). But also because I’ve been so busy with client work that I forget all about the part of my business that’s my business. If you know what I mean.

So… here I am practicing what I preach. Updating the site. And writing myself a reminder to do so more often. Because first impressions matter.

• Entrepreneur
• Home owner
• World traveller
• New Yorker
• Food lover/passionate cook
• Book geek
• Beauty addict

But none of that seems to matter to advertisers. They look at me and see - Dater. Just dater.

As a single blogger, the only advertisers who seem interested in me and my audience are in the dating (online dating, speed dating, dating experts) and sex industries (condoms, sex toys). And while (I guess) I should be flattered by the non-stop invites to speed dating events, this fact is a constant frustration.

We singles make up a huge segment of the US consumer market. We spend $2.2 trillion annually and 60% of us are homeowners. But advertisers continue to treat us like second class citizens.

Especially in the blogosphere, where mommy bloggers hold court.

Well, the time has finally come for singles to come together with one strong voice and demand to be taken seriously. And we have, with Single Edition Media.

For the past 6 months I’ve been working with the Founder and CEO of Single Edition, Sherri Langburt, to bring Single Edition Media to fruition. Single Edition Media is the first collective of single lifestyle bloggers, relationship writers and coaches. We work together, in one powerful voice, to develop the kind of brand relationships that are truly representative of our lives and our audience reach.

Big things are coming. Stay tuned.

Not exactly.

Reading about James Franco quitting twitter reminded me of all the clients (mine and other people’s) who, after a week/month wonder why they haven’t experienced huge profits. The power and purpose of twitter is frequently misunderstood. Twitter is a powerful tool for communication and engagement. Used correctly, a business can and should see ROI. But twitter is not a magic wand.  A new facebook fanpage will not make you a millionaire.

Social media is going strong and growing in influence. Believe the hype.

There are a lot of social media consultants out here.  A lot.

But here’s the thing, saying you’re a social media consultant doesn’t mean much more than saying you’re a writer.  It’s a vague generalization.  Not much more.

I’m on my 4th (or 5th) career. I’ve been a teacher, trainer, nonprofit management professional, project manager and now a social media consultant.  And through it all I’ve always been a writer.

I feel like social media is a really good fit for me.  I get to bring together the skills I’ve honed over the last twenty years. Active listening, planning, coordinating, multi-tasking and communicating – it’s all essential in the new media environment.

Some social media professionals are freshly minted, straight out of college and have learned what they know in internships. Others are PR professionals who’ve trended towards social media.

This isn’t about one social media consultant being better than another.  This is about apples, oranges, bananas and pomegranates.  I would hope that my current and future clients feel that I’m a good match for their needs.

This is not a one size fits all field.