As it stands now, I have 3 dates scheduled this week (none of which are with this guy, btw).

I think that may be too much/too many, but these are all men I’ve been communicating with for a while. For weeks (I was out of town for weeks and “met” these guys online right before I left).  So it’s important to me to get the dates over with.  I don’t want to drag it out any longer.

And yeah, I am actually thinking these are all guys I want to meet.  I’m quite sure none of them are going to be awful.  And maybe one (or more) might be wonderful.

But three in one week is too much for me, now.  I’m not really up to it. So I guess you can say I’m feeling very love/hate-ish about the whole thing.

Oh well. First up, drinks at one of my favorite wine bars on Wednesday night (it’s a good sign – he picked the place and it happens to be one of my favorite places).

Stay tuned.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

I really don’t have that much to say about last night’s date with Mr. Midwest.

It was our 6th date (I think, maybe it was the 7th?). After some last minute changes (scheduling issues, overcrowded restaurants) we ended up at a great local wine bar that we’ve been to before.

Tonight was probably the most we’ve ever really talked. Well, tonight was probably the first time I really talked – about myself. It’s not something I do. Let new people in. I have my stock stories, the things I feel safe talking about.  But I tend to leave out whole chunks of me until I get to know someone well.

I figured maybe it would be helpful if I opened up a little bit. And learned more about him…

So what did I learn? Well, for starters, we really are creatures from 2 entirely different planets. It’s not just a NYC – Midwest thing. There are so many differences that I wouldn’t even know where to start to list them.

The thing is, I’m not sure that matters. Because I’m still figuring out the important stuff (what matters most in life to him/what are his values – because I’ve learned that those are the true dealbreakers).  You see, as different as he and I are, we’re alike in that we both keep people at a distance.  And maybe that’s why I’m just not feeling it?  Because I can’t figure him out.

Anyway, I’ve decided to take a friend’s advice:  When in doubt – do nothing.  In this case I interpret it to mean, don’t do anything to screw up this potential relationship.  Just keep seeing him and eventually I’ll know.  One way or the other.

So last nights’ date was weird. Good weird, but weird.  I think the only way to tell the story is to jump into the middle. Please try to stay with me.

So me and Mr. Perfect on Paper were laughing and drinking and talking at one of my favorite local wine bars. It’s a place I go often, sometimes with dates, and for whatever stupid reason I mentioned that to him. Somehow we got to talking about a group of people that we both knew. Common acquaintances. And it turned out that I knew these people because I used to date one of the crowd.  And he knew them because his ex was part of the crowd.

OK.

So we’d both been to some parties with some of the same people and we were talking about that and them.  And… well it turns out that his ex used to date my ex, before I did (and he did, I guess). I guess I should say quickly that the guy in question, the ex, is quite a character. The type of person people remember for a long, long time.

We were both kinda freaked out by this.  Not in a, I have to leave right now way but still, seriously freaked out. Once the info was out there, we couldn’t unknow it.  And knowing it, well, we suddenly sorta knew intimate things about each other(or could presume them).  It led me to say, “it’s like we’ve already had sex”.  Yes, I actually said that.  Out loud.

We’re talking about a relationship that was years ago.  Me and the ex in question haven’t spoken in ages but left things friendly. So this wasn’t a heavy topic. At least, not for me.  I got the sense Mr. Perfect on Paper felt similarly.

Perhaps if I lived in some small town/city somewhere this would happen all the time – dating guys who had connections to my exes?  But here, in NYC, this is actually the first time something like this has happened. And I didn’t like it one bit.

Anyway, we eventually moved on from this topic.  We did, actually, have lots of stuff to talk about so there was no need to stick with the uncomfortable topic all night.

So why did I then decide to tell him about my blog, you might wonder? Good question. I guess I was feeling like there was already so much baggage out there that I might as well just go for it.

It was 2 minutes later, after we were talking about the blog and how it did and didn’t affect my real life that it occurred to me that I’d have to tell him about M (and the fact that in between our first and second dates I spent 5 days playing, let’s pretend we might get back together with my ex). And he was surprisingly cool about it. Or drunk.

So fast forward an hour. More drinks. A demolished cheese plate.  More laughing.  We’re having fun. But he keeps giving me this odd look.  So I asked, “which are you more freaked out by, the blog or NAME OF EX”?  To which he responded, the ex. Which was actually good. I think?

The night ended with a kiss outside the restaurant.  Not a quick, chaste kiss, but a long series of good kisses. And then, as we were separating to go off in our opposite directions, he said, “you know the people in there [he pointed towards the restaurant's front window] are saying, ‘look at her kissing another guy outside the restaurant’.

I laughed for several blocks.

I had a date on Monday night.  A first date.  It wasn’t a bad date.  It wasn’t a good date.  It was a strange date.  So strange that it took me a few days to figure out what I wanted to say about it.

Strange. I can’t think of any other word to describe it.  He was easy going and sweet before we met, maybe a little treacly.  He wanted to “chat” online, something that I pretty much never do (I don’t get it.  If someone wants to communicate in real time, one-on-one, then they should pick up the damn phone.).  But I logged onto to my yahoo chat and we chatted and he was sweet and we made plans.  He suggested we meet at a wine bar in my ‘hood as I was crunched for time, which was fine by me.

I’m never surprised when a guy looks nothing like what I expect.  It’s pretty much a 50/50 thing.  Not only didn’t he look like what I expected (not shorter/taller/fatter but just different) but he was giving off this bizarre vibe.  I can’t really describe it except to say that at first I was thinking he might be one of those sad guys who is gay and in deep denial (i’ve been on a few of those dates).  But then, almost immediately, he started to get rather handsy with me.  He kept brushing my hair off of my shoulder and touching my leg and my arm.  It would have been all very sexual except that it wasn’t.  Instead it felt like I was just playing a part, “girl on date”.  I didn’t even bother stopping him because it just seemed, well, harmless.  Like I was being grabbed at by another actor, “man on date”.

The funny thing is that we had a lot of fun.  We ended up hanging out with the people sitting next to us at the bar (it’s a locals kind of place, very friendly) and talking for about an hour longer than I’d planned on staying out.  He’s a fun guy.  I could see us being friends.

Anyway, we’ve been in touch since but there’s been no talk of getting together again.  Just pleasantries.  I may just go for it and invite him to do something as friends and then see if he can keep his hands to himself.  We’ll see.

I like to eat.  We’ve covered that many times before. And I like wine.  But I’m not a foodie and I don’t know much about wine.  I know what I like and I like trying new things.  Beyond that, well, I don’t really care about what grew where and the finer details.  My head is already full of facts that I can’t keep straight.

So when a friend said she wanted to go to a new cheese and wine bar, at first I was a bit hesitant.  I checked them out online and it looked like one of those places where everyone was just so serious.  Like I’d have to study before we went so that I could know exactly what to order.  Or worse, that everyone was going to be sitting around all night talking about the delicate undertones of whatever in their wine.

But then my friend said, “No, you’ll like the place.  They have something on the menu called a Pig’s Ass Sandwich.”  And I was sold.  I figured, with a name like that it had to be good.

That first visit with my friend was probably over a year ago.  I’ve been back several times since, with dates.  It’s become one of my favorite places for a casual, fun, adventurous but not cheap, 3rd or 4th date.  The place’s name is Casellula and officially it’s “a cheese and wine cafe”, not a winebar.

This is not the place to go if you’re either a picky eater or uncomfortable with experimentation.  Like I said, I don’t know much about either wine or cheese.  Luckily, the staff is both knowledgeable and patient and they’ll work with you to help you order.  And it is the kind of place where you might need help ordering.  I was completely unfamiliar with their wine choices (but have since tried several – all good) and the sheer amount of cheese on offer is mind numbing.  Plus, you’ll want to save room for the Pig’s Ass Sandwich and dessert.

I do wish it were bigger and not always so crowded (although that does seem to be tapering off a teeny, tiny bit) but this spot in Hell’s Kitchen can be a great backdrop for dates.  First of all, you have to navigate a pretty intimidating menu.  Do you do it together or separately?  Will your date ask for help from the staff, or insist they he/she knows everything?  Do they enjoy trying new things or do they resent not being able to get their favorite type of wine (there is no merlot, no cabernet sauvignon, no chardonnay, no pinot grigio)?  Basically I know, if I have fun with someone here, they are FUN.