Cruel:  disposed to inflict pain or suffering; devoid of humane feelings

The cruelest thing a man can do to a woman is to portray her as perfection. D. H. Lawrence

The other day, the guys at VSB did a post on the 4 cruelest things that women do to men.  As usual, for them, it made me laugh.  And, as usual, I could see that there was some truth behind the buffoonery.  The stuff they listed would seriously piss me off if I were a guy.

Anyway, in honor of them, I decided to write my own list. The 4 cruelest things that men do to women.  And since I didn’t want this to just be about me and my issues, I reached out to my twitter friends for support.  This is what we came up with.  BTW, lest I get accused of being a man-hating bitch, I’ve already written about how much I like men, here and here.

The 4 Cruelest Things That Men Do to Women

1. They ignore us. There is a not a grown woman alive who hasn’t wanted to beat a guy’s brains in because, for some unknown reason, he just stops talking to her.  He doesn’t disappear completely.  And when asked he’ll say, “everything’s fine”. But he just stops looking at, talking to, engaging with his woman(wife, girlfriend, whatever).  And we women, taught by popular culture that we are supposed to be patient and giving and wait out these “difficult times” are left to tear ourselves apart.  Wondering with each passing day if there was something we did, something we can do, something he did that he’s afraid to tell us.

Asshats.

2.  They treat every woman in the universe like a potential ‘target’.  Sex is good.  Women like sex, too.  But treating all the women in the world like brainless sexbots isn’t going to get a guy anywhere.  Co-workers, the women at the grocery store, neighbors – they all would like it to stop.  Immediately.  Here’s a little trick for you guys to try, imagine that every woman you see has a dick, maybe then you’ll start to treat us all with a bit more respect.

3.  They take our normal concerns and behaviors and label them “crazy” and/or assume that “we have our period“.  It is not crazy for a woman who is not a size 4 or below to think she looks fat.  It might be unhealthy, but it isn’t crazy.  Our society is constantly telling women that beauty=skinny (luckily most of us realize this is a load of shit, eventually).  It is also not crazy to be concerned about tthe status of a relationship when a man’s behavior has been erratic.  Or if he didn’t call when he said he was going to.  None of that is “crazy”.  And labelling it crazy isn’t helpful. All it does is help the guy avoid having a conversation on the topic because you don’t have to talk about something if it’s “crazy”.

4. The late-in-the-game fade. My regular readers have heard me rant on about the fade.  The fade is when 2 people have gone out a few times, and then one party decides s/he is not interested and instead of replying to an email or phone message with “I enjoyed meeting you, but I don’t think we’re a good match” or some other polite way of saying  I’m not into you, s/he just disappears.  S/he stops returning calls, texts, emails.  I hate that.  It’s childish whoever does it.  The late-in-the-game fade is 50 times worse.  This is when two people have a relationship. They’ve been sleeping together, getting to know one another, meeting each other’s friends and then the guy (I do not know of any cases where a woman has done this, and if one has she should have to turn in her chick card – the horrid cow) fades.  He withdraws completely from the relationship without manning up and saying anything about it and then when asked by a frantic woman, “what’s going on, I haven’t seen or heard from you in days/weeks and you’re not returning my calls/texts/emails” he says something lame like, “I’m sorry, I don’t want to be with you anymore and I didn’t know how to tell you.  I’ve moved on and am already seeing someone new.”

DOUCHEBAGS.

I have a new favorite phrase:  recycled sex.  Lots of us have had it.  It’s ex-sex, aka sex with someone you used to be in a relationship with.

Like most things related to sex, people have very strong feelings about this.  Some people think it’s OK, some don’t.  I fall somewhere in between.

My views are pretty similar to those expressed in a recent blog in Bitch, Ex Sex:  The Ultimate Recycling. That if you had a good relationship with someone and the breakup was respectful (and the sex was good) then recycled sex can be a fine thing, maybe even a great thing if the circumstances are right.  But if s/he treated you badly and it was a nasty breakup then ex sex is sure to be a bad idea (even if the sex in the relationship was great).  And yeah, I’ve tested this theory.

However, I totally understand people who hold fast to the don’t double dip rule (although I think it overestimates the neediness of the average chick).  As usual, I think there is a kernel of truth in the VSB shtick.

What about you, what do you think?  Do you think it’s a good idea to have ex sex?

• Never. There’s a reason s/he is an ex. (31 votes)
• It depends on the relationship and the breakup. (62 votes)
• Sure. I really don’t see what the problem is. (10 votes)
• Other. Please explain in the comments. (2 votes)

So here I am, genuinely confused.  Well, not exactly confused.  But of two minds.

As some of you might know from an earlier post, I’m a fan of VSB (anyone who takes offense at their humor should send complaints to them, not me).  Earlier this week they did a post on why women shouldn’t approach men. And quite frankly, I found myself nodding as I read (and laughed – those guys are funny).

But I also believe, strongly (and yeah, I’ve written about it) that women in NYC shouldn’t sit around waiting for men to approach them.  That it’s a surefire way to spend every night sitting alone.

So which is it?

Seriously, which is it?

Is the “women shouldn’t approach men” rule true EXCEPT for in NYC (as I’ve heard some people say).  Or is there really no rule and it’s completely situational.

Help me out here.

Should women approach men?

• No (11 votes)
• Yes (65 votes)
• Yes, sometimes (Only in NYC and other places where it’s necessary) (15 votes)
• Other. Please explain in the comments. (8 votes)

As I mentioned earlier in the week, I read a LOT of blogs.  Some that you probably wouldn’t imagine I’d be a fan of.

I was laughing my ass off yesterday as I read this post in Very Smart Brothas – How To Answer Questions So That I’ll Never Call You. The gentlemen at VSB are not in the slightest bit politically correct, so you probably shouldn’t click the link if you aren’t familiar with their blog and offend easily.

I’m just gonna go ahead and quote the beginning of the post, because it’s just that good:

“I’m one of those people that believes when it comes to the opposite sex and dating, you usually get what you deserve.  It’s not to say that if your man cheats on you that you deserved it, but generally speaking, I think that somewhere along the line, you’ve been given some kind of hint as to what kind of person you’re dealing with.

People just don’t ask the right questions.  We get so caught up in wanting somebody, that we forget that we’d hate it if we ended up dating an axe-murdering serial killer who committed all of his crimes while wearing a pink thong and yelling out “Zorro”.  Thing is, you might know that if you asked about Zorro, haphazardly.  But who does that?”

Smart, right?  And funny.  The rest of the post details some questions he asks women.

Anyway, this got to me thinking about how much I really suck at this question asking thing.  I’ve been trying to get better at it lately.  And I have.  Gotten better.  But I still suck.

I’ve written about this before.  There’s just something about the whole asking direct questions of someone you don’t know well, it makes me uneasy.  Like I’m being nosy.  And I hate nosy.

There is one thing I do make sure to ask, though:

How often do you see/speak to your family? I cannot deal with a guy who doesn’t ever speak to his family.  Conversely, I find myself a little freaked out by the mamma’s boy thing.  But whatever the relationship is, I think it can tell me a lot about a guy.

Other than that -  I’m stumped.  And I don’t think the VSB questions would do me much good at all.