So remember when I gushed about the dating site HowAboutWe.com and told you about my upcoming date? It was quick, easy, painless and I was totally looking forward to it!

Well, the best laid plans…

I’d met this guy on HowAboutWe and we quickly hit it off (he liked my date suggestion, I liked his, and we made plans for that coming Sunday just a few days away). Then he turned into Jerky McJerky – he blew off our date. We’d had set plans, time/place, and plans to call/text that morning to confirm. And then he disappeared. I heard from him a few days later, with no explanation. No, I’m not making other plans with him.

Whatever, one bad apple doesn’t spoil the lot. Or something like that. It wasn’t long before I had plans with another awesome seeming guy to go out and do the same thing/same place.

Maybe not the smartest idea, as I’m starting to think that date idea is jinxed.

We (both) ran into scheduling issues. Which caused us to reschedule. A few times. And eventually scrap that date and just grab a drink at a place that we both happen to like a lot.

And it was a VERY NICE date. We talked, we laughed… all the good stuff. I received a text from him just a couple of hours later, asking me if I’d like to go our again. And I said yes.

Not sure what we’re going to do. Although I’m pretty sure I know what we’re NOT going to do.

Don’t forget that HowAboutWe.com is offering ONE MONTH FREE subscriptions  my read­ers, fans and fol­low­ers. Just use the discount code: FallDating.

You want to know the #1 difference between HowAboutWe.com and ALL those other online dating sites? It’s not the way it’s based on date ideas (which I love) or that it takes about 1/5th the amount of time to set up your profile (also awesome). Or even the fact that there seem to be fewer losers on HowAboutWe.com.

Nope, it’s that for the first time in eons I actually get to feel GOOD about the whole online process.

Yep, at 41 I feel a little like a kid in a candy store. I’ve got possibilities. Lots of amazing possibilities.

No skimming through an inbox of hideous pictures (shirtless men, scary bathroom mirror pics, ancient headshots) and poorly written notes that leave me feeling nauseous. No weeks of inane messages back and forth to see if the guy is actually interested in getting together. No messages from guys who live halfway across the country telling me that they’re sure they’re my soulmate if only I’d give them a try. No wasting time!

On HowAboutWe.com I know, with relative certainty, that every guy who messages me actually wants to get together. And there are LOTS of them. Attractive, age-appropriate men who want to get together with a petite, independent 41-year old woman. For a fun date. Soon.

Kid in a candy store.

I invested less than 15 minutes in emails to set up a date for this Sunday.15 minutes!!! And we’re doing something I’ve been looking forward to doing (an art-y thing). So even if the guy’s a dick, I’ll probably have fun. Win-win.

Here’s another win-win - HowAboutWe.com​  is offering a one month free trial to my read­ers, fans and fol­low­ers.Just use the discount code: FallDating.

Get ready for another fab guest post! This week’s guest post is from Marrie, from the site Dirty in Public.

Dating Perfection: When the Resume is perfect but you can’t get that lovin’ feelin’

His Match profile was dating perfection, a complete résumé with everything I could want. So, why couldn’t I get that lovin’ feelin’?

*  A teacher
*  Divorcee for years, with a no drama relationship with an ex-wife, who was remarried
*  Active Parent; 50% custody of his son
*  World traveler
*  Home Owner
*  Good Looks
*  Witty; smart-ass sense of humor (a plus in my book)

I discovered after several late night phone calls that we had the same taste in movies, music and food. All of which are essentials in my book. I agreed to our first “date”, mid-morning coffee.

He arrived exactly on time and was more handsome in person than in his profile pic. Points scored.  He was warm and charming without being smarmy. I was thrilled. The coffee mini-date ended with mutual agreement to see each other again (no date/time set) and parted with a mutual smile. He scored some serious points. This was the first Match meet-up where I looked forward to the follow-up call. No swooning but saw definite potential.

He called on cue, two days later, to invite me out to dinner. We agreed to meet at the restaurant. It happened to be one of my local favs (he didn’t know that). He must have arrived slightly early, as I arrived right on time and he was right outside the door waiting for me. He looked even more handsome, shedding Saturday morning casual, for a more “put-together” Friday evening look. More points scored.

We went to a Thai restaurant, where he ordered in Thai, not to show off, well maybe a little, but to practice. You see he goes to Thailand every summer and needed to keep in practice. It’s something to see, a 6 ft. 3 white, blond haired, blue eyed guy speaking Thai, fluently. I gave him a little shit for being a show off, which he laughed at, appreciated and quickly dished a little quip back at me. More points scored!

We shared a wonderful evening, never dull and very comfortable. Even the moments of silence weren’t awkward. We ended the evening with a cocktail and as we were saying our goodbyes, he leaned in for the good night kiss. He delivered a perfect little kiss on the lips; the perfect end to a perfect evening. An evening that should have left me weak in the knees and with butterflies fluttering; however, I felt nothing. No sweaty palms, no dry mouth, nothing. I drove home wondering what was wrong with me. Why didn’t my boat float? Where were the fireworks? The fireworks and butterflies are my favorite part of the dating pastime.

Try Online Dating

Am I broken? Do I need to seek professional help? Is there a pill for this? If so, sign me up because there must be something wrong with me to feel, well, nothing. I carried on in denial for several more dates. I figured that if I just “will” it hard enough, the butterflies would migrate into my soul. The fireworks would appear. Yet, after each perfect date with this wonderful man it became clearer that the migration would never happen. No matter how much I wanted to burn with desire, I never felt so much as a spark. After the fifth date, I called it off. He told me and I could see very clearly, that the spark was there for him. I didn’t want to be a tease or waste his time. I would love to have continued to go out with him as a friend, but that was not what he was looking for, nor is it what he wanted from me.

So, why? What happened? To tell you the truth, I’m not really sure. I’ve had friends suggest that maybe I was trying to want something that society says is “perfect” and should want, rather than what I truly am attracted too. Maybe, it was my guts way of preventing me from entering a relationship that would never have worked out. Whatever the reason, the thing I know for sure, that this experience has taught me, is that the spark either happens or it doesn’t. You can’t manufacture feelings for someone that just aren’t there…no matter how hard you try. You either get that lovin’ feelin’ or you don’t!

I had a post all set and ready to go for today. It just needed a bit of polishing… And then I read The Big Girl Blog’s post this morning and she totally inspired me to write this.

Her post was called, How to Deal with Rejection. An important topic for any dater (or human being, for that matter), as everyone is rejected at some point. Let’s face it, no one is universally liked.

She tells the story of a date with a very rude man. VERY RUDE. I’m not going to retell it, as it’s well worth reading. Just go read it yourself. Anyway, it reminded me of one of my worst dates ever. A story I don’t think I’ve ever told here. Or maybe I have and I’ve forgotten about it.

It was one of those I-should-have-known-better dates. The guy only posted one picture, and it was arty and fuzzy and didn’t look much like anyone I’d recognize in real life.  But his profile was funny and he came off as smart and charming.

He’d asked me to meet him for a late afternoon coffee, on a weekend day. And he suggested a place for us to meet. I usually like it when men make concrete plans, but his suggestion was really inconvenient for me. I wasn’t thrilled with going such a long way for a coffee date, but I agreed.

The day came – and I remember this clearly (and I never remember anything) – the weather was horrible. Drizzly and humid. Extreme bad hair/I’d rather stay in and read weather. But I got my shit together and got there, on time.

I had NO IDEA what this guy looked like, his picture was that bad. So I stood outside the cafe in the nasty weather and hoped he’d see me.  Time passed, lots of time, until finally I called him.

He answered. He was sitting inside. He’d just walked in, right past me, just a few minutes before (about 15 minutes late for our date).

Anyway, when we finally got together at the table, he was horribly rude to me. He said something like, “I didn’t recognize you” with a negative tone. And he had this sour look on his face. Like he was disappointed.

Which really got under my skin. So much so that I remember the details of this date years later. Because here was a man who a) wasn’t particularly attractive b) didn’t post an accurate picture of himself online c) showed up 15 minutes late to a date that was in his neighborhood, and a total shlep for me d) was disappointed in me, even though the pictures I’d used online were recent and accurate.

Our date was miserable. He was about as rude as anyone I’ve ever tried to chat with. I remember him picking a fight with me over something related to my work (old career). I should have left early. Hell, I probably shouldn’t have bothered sitting down. But I stayed and finished my coffee. I don’t remember our goodbyes, specifically, but I do know that neither of us bothered with the, “it was nice to meet yous.”

I remember feeling like shit when I left. He had me questioning myself. Had I suddenly become much less attractive? Had I done something to deserve the way he treated me?

Eventually it hit me. NOT. ABOUT. ME. Some people are just assholes.

I was on a date. A first date. With a guy I met online. From the moment we met, he looked vaguely familiar. Not from his photos, but as if we’d met before. He looked like his photos. But he didn’t seem familiar in the photos. Go figure.

It hit me about 15 minutes in. After we’d been talking for a while and I heard more about his life, background, etc. He said something that made it all click. We’d met before. More than that. We were casual acquaintances from over 15 years earlier. But there was no way in hell I was going to say anything about it to him.

Way back in my mid 20s, he was dating a friend of mine. Needless to say, we were both very different people then.

I don’t want to get into the nitty-gritty, but let’s just say he wasn’t a good guy back then. NOT. A. GOOD. GUY. In fact, last I’d heard of him, he’d gone into rehab, left and then disappeared. Or something like that.

Anyway, so there we were on our date. Our first date. And I’m 99.99999% sure that this is the same guy. But I didn’t feel comfortable asking him about it. Because, well, who wants to be reminded of what was probably the very worst time in their life, years later?  He was presenting himself as a totally different guy, now.

Successful. With his shit together.

It would have been rude of me, at the very least, to ask him about his ugly past.

So I didn’t.

We also didn’t have a second date. Even though he asked. For a few reasons, but mainly because I couldn’t get past my very unpleasant memories of who he used to be. It would have been different if he had disclosed that he had past issues with addiction. Which he didn’t. Or if he wasn’t drinking on our date. Which he WAS.

This happened last year, and I still think of it and him, occasionally. I wonder if I did the right thing. Maybe I should have said something? Maybe I should have gone out with him again, and said something on the next date?  Or maybe I was smart to walk away when I did.