Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Speaking of Perspective… Faking It

So remember that AMAZING post by Mr. Smarty Pants Dennis Hong, That “Amazing First Date We Went on Kind of Sucked For Me.

You don’t? Well go read it!

In short, he talked about the very real phenomena of being on a date, realizing you’re not really into the person but going through the motions and pretending to have a good time. And then the other person somehow gets the impression that it was a great date.

No judgements from me. I’ll admit to being on both sides of the equation, more than once. But certainly most often in the role of the faker.

I’d like to step back from this scenario for a minute and set up an entirely differently type of situation. I was in a meeting recently. A bunch of people around a board table. Most of us hadn’t met each other before. It was tense, there were issues to work out (silly work stuff, as I like to say). We were all unfailingly polite, and chummy. Maybe even charming.

Because that’s what people do. In our particular culture, in that situation, all of us knew that the socially acceptable behavior was to play nice and shmooze our way through. Sure, there might be some people who’d take a different tactic. Who’d be aggressive and blunt and pushy. But call for nice.

Kind of like the of dating. We’re supposed to play nice and shmooze our way through. And many of us, whether we mean to or not, have started to treat dating like another job. We enter a date like we enter a meeting. Time to work. Play by the . Shmooze our way through.

It doesn’t really matter, in that context, whether we “like” our date. The job is to be a good . To make sure the other person enjoys themselves. To be liked.

Is this honest?  Good for me or you as individuals? A smart way to conduct the mating ritual?  What a lot of dumbass questions! It is what it is. It’s how we live now. Until things change. Or they don’t.

 


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3 to “Speaking of Perspective… Faking It”


  1. Geri R says:

    Sad to say, I’m more likely to be the aggressive, blunt, pushy broad on the other side of the table. *sigh* Who’s got the time to be so polite?! (Only slightly kidding!)

  2. Simone Grant says:

    It is (frequently) a giant waste a time. And yet, it goes on.
    And…I’m guessing you’re a lot less pushy than you claim. A gal can be pushy and charming:-)

  3. dildo says:

    I think if you pay close attention you can see the red flags. Some people are just desperate so they go along for the ride with high hopes in winning the other person over. I have a rule of thumb if she doesnt undress you with her eyes she dont want you lol