Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

This is Not the Most Interesting Thing About Me

It was a few weeks ago. I was at a work-ish event. I was going to be there all day, and so I scoped out a good seat (at a table) and planted myself there. I didn’t want to spend the day wandering aimlessly, talking non-stop. Networking. Yes, I probably should have spent the day wandering and networking, but that’s just not where I AM right now. I don’t have the energy for it. Instead, I let people come to me.

So, at some point in the day a couple of women, around my age, came and sat at my table. They were friends of friends (everyone’s a friend of a friend if you try hard enough). We started to chat, to exchange basic info. And then it happened.

It always happens.

One of them asked if I was married. I don’t remember her exact words. But I remember how I felt when I heard the question. Disappointed. Because I knew the conversation was about to shift. We were going to stop talking about the day’s amazing event and all the cool people we knew in common and our amazing work lives and start talking about my stupid single life.

And I just wanted to stop them and scream, THIS IS NOT THE MOST INTERESTING THING ABOUT ME!

But no. I wouldn’t do that. I (reluctantly)  told them I was single. Neither of them were. They were both long-term marrieds, with kids. And so they started to ask questions. Why was I single? Did I recently split with someone? What was it like to be single at my/our age?  Hey, did I want to be set up because… and then I was pitched a couple of really unappealing guys that they could set me up with.

This went on for what seemed like forever. But probably for about an hour. I tried changing the subject a couple of times. Wasn’t the food delicious? Did they like to cook? Where exactly did they live? Wow that was quite a commute… But nothing was as interesting to them as my marital status.

I wasn’t annoyed. Not really. It’s certainly not the first time something like that has happened. With total strangers. I’ll be honest, it used to seriously piss me off. But then it hit me – they were focused on the one thing that made us different. In most other ways, our lives were pretty similar. Except that sometime 10-15 years ago they chose marriage and everything that came with that lifestyle (the traditional path). And I didn’t. So I’m the other. And it’s somewhat natural to be fascinated by the other.

This isn’t to say that I don’t find the endless blog posts about ‘why women are single’ to be completely ridiculous and anachronistic. Different individuals make individual choices. I’ve stopped caring about the group called “.” It’s boring. There are lots of fascinating women in the world. And some of us happen to be single. Next time you happen to be sitting next to one of us, please don’t waste our time speaking about pointless set-ups and online dating.

 


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4 to “This is Not the Most Interesting Thing About Me”


  1. Ahhhh… Don’t I understand… sometimes its the same thing with my job as a matchmaker. People want to know about everything- during my “off” hours.

    I’m not single I’m in a relationship now, and I still feel for the women who have to endure this. It’s like you have to explain WHY as opposed to it’s not a 30 second answer- and it’s not something that is particularly comfortable to talk about.

    Especially when I had to endure it at weddings, family gatherings and just especially during the wedding season (the showers, bachelorette parties, etc.) it seems like it was ENDLESS the amount of times I had to “explain” my single status.

    My boyfriend is a divorce lawyer- and he’s been divorced. He doesn’t get what I’ve listened to for over a decade. He now gets people WIDE EYED looking at him and asking questions because of what he does.

    People forget that others have feelings- and it’s not easy to talk about certain things when you are constantly asked them on a daily basis. People know to SHUT UP if you tell them if you are unemployed- but single- forget it!

  2. Terry says:

    You’re single? Now you tell me

  3. Jenn says:

    I wouldn’t necessarily assume it’s about your single status but more about your relationship status in general. That is, I think that when women (maybe some men too but it seems to be women in particular) meet other women, the conversation will inevitably turn to relationships. Now that I’m engaged, I don’t have to endure ‘why are you single’ but I get ENDLESS questions about the engagement/wedding (how long have you been together? how did he propose? when/where will the wedding be? do you want a big wedding? where will you live? do you get along with his family? etc., etc., etc.!). I have often had the exact same thought (i.e., ‘this is not the most interesting thing about me!!!!!’) and it’s not because I’m single…
    Jenn recently posted..ChemistryMy Profile

  4. Two of Us says:

    It’s crazy how people ask so many questions and feel it’s “not normal” when someone is single. In today’s day and age, it should be looked at as the norm. 50% of marriages fail, so why not wait until you are 1000% sure that he is Mr. Right? Or maybe you’re happy with being single, which is great as well.
    Two of Us recently posted..Major Signs He Isn’t the OneMy Profile