Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

What You Don’t Know Can Kill You (and your relationships)

Hey kids, remember me? I’ve been around-ish. Some days I have big bursts of energy and get all excited about re-entering this world. Then I update facebook, reply to a tweet or 2 and before I know it my energy fizzles.

Anyway… I kinda have something I want to blog about today. I’ll try to be coherent. No promises.

Lately, for the past few months, I spend a huge amount of my energy on trying to be patient. You see, I’m not a patient person. Anyone who knows me, anyone who’s ever read much of this blog probably knows that. I have infinite for kids, and problem solving around work stuff. But I have no for the things that are most important to me. The BIG ISSUES of my life. Like, you know, my and my relationships.

So if there’s something important that I don’t know (the results of a test, why someone is behaving in some strange way) then it pretty much eats me up. I obsess.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m supposed to live in the moment. Fuck that. Seriously, I know I’m supposed to live in the now and all that… grumble grumble  I’ve even tried, repeatedly, to learn to meditate. But that’s not who I am, deep down inside.

I’m a somewhat neurotic (maybe more than somewhat neurotic, OK definitely more than somewhat neurotic) obsessive worrier. And when there’s something I don’t know, it eats away at me. Like acid.

I’m sharing this because I’m 100% sure that some of you can relate. I’m also 100% sure that some of you will judge me and write comments/send me notes telling me that I need to change my ways. Whatever.

One of the main reasons for my recent hiatus is that I’m currently in waiting mode. I’ve been ill and while being ill SUCKS and there are many days when I can barely get it together to comb my hair I am also being forced to wait. Wait wait wait for tests and in between various doctor’s appointments to figure out what/if anything serious in going on. As much as the feeling crappy sucks, the waiting is nearly as bad. Because, as I’ve said, I have no patience.

What made me think of this today?  I was skimming Kotke and saw this blurb about Mark Zuckerberg’s amazing ability to delay self-gratfication(must find time to read the whole article). And I started to wonder… chances are, I’d have eaten the marshmallows.

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5 to “What You Don’t Know Can Kill You (and your relationships)”

  1. Jill Cline says:

    Thank you for being so candid. There are so many people out there who are unable to do this. That’s unfortunate because the fears and problems that you identify are so common to the human condition itself. To share them, brings solidarity to yourself and to others too. I hope that you feel better soon and that your test results are benign. Health~Healing~&~Happiness, Jill

    • Simone Grant says:

      Belated thx for your kind words. I’m working on feeling better. And maybe soon that will include paying more attention to the blog.

  2. Dennis Hong says:

    I hope everything turns out okay, Simone. For what it’s worth, I think being impatient to get medical results and the ability to delay gratification are two different things. In this case, I think you’re well within reason to be a little anxious. Good luck.

  3. First let me say I hope everything works out well, and I hope you start feeling much better. I completely understand your struggle with patience. I have hard a time with it as well, but I just practiced reminding myself not to focus on things I can’t control. Put energy into what I can control and allow those things to bring me joy and take my mind off of the other stuff : ).