Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

How to Tell If a Guy Really Likes You

Today’s guest post is written by Dennis Hong.

I was catching up with a female friend of mine last weekend, and she started regaling me with the dramatic details of her dating life. She was frustrated that she kept getting played by guys, so she finally boiled it down to that ultimate gazillion-dollar question:

“How do I know if a guy really likes me? I mean, how do I know if he’s really into me?”

I thought about it for a second, and I realized that I had the perfect answer. Of course, it was probably not the answer she wanted to hear, but this is what I came up with:

“Sleep with him. Then see how he acts toward you afterwards.”

Not surprisingly, my friend wasn’t amused. And, truth be told, I wasn’t being all that serious myself, because… truth again be told, I thought it was a silly question to ask in the first place. I mean, come on, if I had the answer to that question, I certainly wouldn’t be posting my thoughts on a blog. I’d have marketed the shit out of it and be raking in the cash by now.

So, she got the snark.

Just for kicks, though, I thought it’d be fun to defend myself on such an obviously ridiculous answer. And so, I did. And I expounded on and on about the merits of my solution, tongue firmly planted in my cheek the entire time.

But then, as I continued to defend my stance, I realized that my solution actually held a sad amount of truth….

Look, I’ll admit it. Guys can be douchebags. Some guys will be attentive and be available and be interested in conversation and want to charm and wine and dine….

Until they get laid. Then, they’ve gotten what they wanted, and they move on to the next girl. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve done it myself.

And here’s the kicker, ladies: If a guy is charming enough that you find him attractive and want to sleep with him, there’s a good chance he’s had practice at it. Unless you’re actively seeking out the shy awkward wallflowers standing quietly in the corner, if a guy is pursuing you, and you find yourself becoming interested, I’ll wager money you’re not the first woman he’s pursued. And I’ll wager even more money he’s enough of a charmer to hide his true intentions.

So, is it possible he’s truly interested and wants to be your boyfriend and is secretly saying your first name followed by his last name out loud to himself to see how they sound together? Sure, why not?

Is it equally—if not more—possible that he’s only looking for a casual hookup? Guaranteed.

So, how do you distinguish the two?

I’m telling you, you can’t. The more charming the guy, the less you’ll be able to figure him out. And this isn’t me being a guy and holding on to our trade secrets. You just can’t tell.

“But,” you rebut, “what if I just don’t put out for months and months? What if I make him jump through all sorts of flaming, spiked hoops before sleeping with him? I bet that’ll weed out the players just looking to get laid.”

Yes, it definitely will.

It’ll also weed out the guys who are interested, but also have enough options not to be willing to put up with your bullshit.

So, you’re either left with the guy who is so absolutely smitten with you (sure, sure, it can happen), whom you’ve now reduced to a talking puppy.

Or, the desperate dude who latches on to the first woman he thinks he actually has a chance with.

Your call.

No, really. In all seriousness, if you just want to know how a guy feels about you… put him to the ultimate test. Sleep with him.

If he still calls you, and he still wants to see you, and he’s still charming and witty and smart and laid back, then he might actually be interested in you.

But if he becomes all too scarce all too suddenly… well, then he’s just not that into you.

And there’s your answer. Now where’s my gazillion dollars?

Want more dating advice? Check out Dennis’s group advice site, LemonVibe, where you can ding him if he tries to give you some of that snark.

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14 to “How to Tell If a Guy Really Likes You”

  1. Mel says:

    Gah! As much as I hate to admit it, this is SO TRUE. Ugh, men.
    Mel recently posted..April FOODZIE: The Earth Day BoxMy Profile

  2. Melanie says:

    Yes, very true and unfortunately there will be a lot of guys who will disappear very quickly… I suppose if you’re really dedicated to finding “the one” or at least the one who will stick around, you might have to be willing to go through a couple bad eggs.
    I have been many times tricked into thinking things were more than they were, sleeping with them and then finding out the hard way… But you’re right… it’s definitely the way to find out.

  3. Ondine Rarey says:

    I’ve been using that technique for years!! It’s the one I’ll teach my daughters.

    Because it’s true, a man will tell you ANYTHING before he’s had an orgasm. But if you want to know how he really feels about you, watch him VERY carefully in the seconds and minutes right after he comes. It’ll tell you everything you need to know. My fiancé didn’t change one iota after we had sex the first time and I was like, “Holy shit. Well, OK then.”

  4. JM says:

    Yes, this is all very true. Sadly. It’s the conquest, not even really the sex, which is the sad thing!
    JM recently posted..A patternMy Profile

  5. D says:

    As a guy, gotta confess this is truth.

  6. Hong Hue says:

    Honestly, you look wonderful to him. That’s why he’s with you.
    Hong Hue recently posted..Get Preen’s Ultra Pretty Fall 2012 Makeup Look In 6 Easy StepsMy Profile

  7. Ramone says:

    Let me start by saying I’m a guy. I mostly agree with this article, but not because it’s telling women to put out faster. I think that the world we live in is full of games and players. Everything is a is a dance. Girls don’t want to have sex because they think guys will look at them as hoes. Guys act like they want a relationship so girls don’t immediately write them off. This post is about the truth. The only thing I don’t agree with is having sex with a guy to test him, as that’s another game. Why not just have sex because you want to have sex, forget what anyone thinks of you. After it’s over life moves on and there are plenty of fish in the sea. Then on top of that we are our true selves after releasing the demons and if we stick around we really…really like you.

  8. Sleeping with a guy quickly, just gets him to leave just as quick. Guys want a classy woman in front of their parents and a whore in bed, but only after she made him wait for a while. If a woman sleeps with a guyquickly just gts guys to think you will sleep wit other guys just as fast. Women have numbers like guys, but keep them quiet. Women say funny things like guys are sluts but always remember, guys can only have sex when a woman lets himhave it.

  9. Kat Karn says:

    Well well well, I never thought of it that way, but now that you’ve said it, it does explain why I am always anxious about having sex with a guy, as I have subconsciously probably suspected all along that the aftermath will tell me everything that I need to know about the intentions of the guy. I like to keep a good balance between holding out, but not waiting too long either – if it doesn’t suit the guy, then he can go and find another playmate 😉

  10. Mimi Stein says:

    A very good assessment of men thinking with the small head. I enjoyed your post.
    Mimi Stein recently posted..Common Q&As About DatingMy Profile

  11. Sex = The Ultimate “I LIKE YOU” indicator.

  12. Betty says:

    So what does the woman who won’t sleep with a man until she loves him do? She has to find someone that is cool being her friend.

  13. mark says:

    yes good advice. it will also help to uncover the chemistry between you!

    also go out with one of your friends present as they will probably be able to tell too

  14. ima female says:

    I find it hard to make a guy wait when I wanna do it myself!! Girls got needs too!!!

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