Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

He’s Attractive BUT I’m Not Attracted to Him

A couple short thoughts.

#1 – I haven’t been getting out much, these last few months. It seems like forever. Health stuff, blah blah blah. Anyway, there was an event that I’d planned on going to. And I had to skip it. A friend was going and I mentioned that there’d be a guy there, a business connection kind of guy, that she’d want to meet.

Instead of giving her a detailed description I just told her that he’d probably be the most attractive guy in the room. Because I had a pretty good sense of who else would be there. Seemed like a pretty logical description.

After the event I asked her about it. How it was… she said she didn’t see the guy in question. I was surprised because I knew he was there. So then I describe him detail and she said, “oh, I’m not attracted to that type of guy.”

BUT he looks like a Calvin Klein model? I’d assumed there was a universal standard of male attractiveness and she would recognize him based on said standard. Pretty stupid of me.

#2 – Like most bloggers I regularly check to see which google search terms bring people to my site. Pretty frequently I see, “he was attractive but I wasn’t attracted to him” or something like that. I guess I wrote about that once.  Maybe more than once. It seems like something I’d write about, as it’s certainly happened to me.

I know there are lots of social scientists and evolutionary bioligists who study . Which makes sense. It’s mysterious and weird. Or maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s really simple and some of us just overthink it?




3 to “He’s Attractive BUT I’m Not Attracted to Him”

  1. Girls are more attracted to traits than looks.

    I’ve spent a lot of time hanging out with girls. This is a phenomenon that I see pop up from time to time.

    Having good looks will of course create a bias, but more often than not, if a guy doesn’t portray certain traits that a girl is looking for, than her attraction may not be triggered… at least not immediately.

    These traits can really be anything. It can be a guy’s manorisms, speech, fashion, and hygiene… well, lets not forget a big one, height.

    However, these things are typically surface level “traits” and a woman such as your friend who may say, “he’s not my type,” may very well change her opinion upon really getting to know that guy. This, of course, does not happen all the time… but it can.

    So one of my points, maybe its a tangent, is that just because a guy, at first impression, “Is not my type,” doesn’t mean she couldn’t potentially be attracted to him given more exposure to him. The idea is that he could potentially portray other traits that would make him more attractive to her.

    Some food for thought.
    Asian Casanova recently posted..How to Attract Women Without Money, Good Looks, or a Huge PenisMy Profile

  2. NikkiB says:

    Sometimes I wonder if we overthink things – but I also believe it has to do with that societal standard you mentioned.

    Not only do we make assumptions on what others might like, maybe we also feel pressure to find *this* attractive – or we’re told that it is. All the time. And, yeah, there is this cookie-cutter look that we can all, to some extent, recognize as attractive. However, we all have our own thoughts on what pushes our buttons – we just may not always be in touch with that, or accepting of it.
    NikkiB recently posted..No Expectations.My Profile

  3. Duccio says:

    Great post, good work. Its very useful information provided by you and keep up the good work going. All the best.