Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Confirming My Suspicion Redux

I’ve been putting this off for a while. Too long. Because I have nothing to say. Nothing new to say.

But I have to say something. 

For a long time now, since last April, to be exact, this blog has been a home for the heartbroken. Each week hundreds (sometimes thousands) of new people (mostly women, but not exclusively) go seeking answers for their personal heartache and they find my blogpost:

Confirming My Suspicion.

They’re googling variations of the same thing… ‘my boyfriend has an active profile’

And then they read my post and realize they’re not alone. Some people post comments. Some post pleas for help. Some send me email, begging for advice.

I’ve commented on the thread, more than once. I don’t have anything more to say on the topic. I’m just so sorry for everyone’s sadness. It may be hard to believe, but it eventually fades.

Here’s the thing, you found the profile. Your relationship either is or isn’t worth saving. The answers aren’t here on the internet. On some random blog. They’re with you. In your life. With your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. Talk to that person. And if you can’t. Then break it off and get on with your life.  Move on and let the sadness eventually pass.

Stop trying to guess what’s going on and just deal. Or don’t. But don’t imagine yourself into more heartache. You deserve better. #thisisnotadvice

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13 to “Confirming My Suspicion Redux”

  1. Laura Doyle says:

    I help those heartbroken women decide if the relationship is worthy of saving, and how to avoid the bad guys the next time. It’s not rocket science. There are ways to put the odds in your favor. There will always be risk, but you don’t have to risk so much so soon. And I can show you how to use your intuition to tune right in to his character, and some tips to make sure he shows you who he really is fast.

    Simone, maybe you’d like to have a free coaching session to see what I’ve got? Nobody else seems to be saying this stuff, which may be why my books are NY Times bestsellers. I’d like to help you find the guy who’s right for you.

    Then again, it could ruin your blogging career completely.
    Laura Doyle recently posted..Don’t Make Him Wrong If He Isn’t Mr. RightMy Profile

  2. Nikki B says:

    It really can be amazing the difference between rational thought and emotion… and where we go trying to make the two agree.

    Or, rather, make the emotion right and the rational part wrong. Which rarely happens.

    Time, space, and taking care of yourself. That’s it.
    Nikki B recently posted..I Have No Free Time, or Backyards and Between Friends: An UpdateMy Profile

  3. Laura Doyle says:

    Thanks for the feedback, Simone. It’s not that I haven’t been lovelorn myself. I took a perfectly good marriage and drove it into the ditch for about eight years. Romance is the most interesting topic in the world for me–how to get it, keep it, not get squashed in the process. You were gracious to respond to me. Thanks.
    Laura Doyle recently posted..Don’t Make Him Wrong If He Isn’t Mr. RightMy Profile

    • Lisa says:

      Simone- what was wrong with Laura’s comment? Her tone was very nice– I am sure “ruining your blogging career” was a joke. Laura- how can we get in touch? I am very interested in your point of view.

  4. Jeremy Wahl says:

    Guys aren’t the only ones trolling online while in a “relationship”. I caught a girl doing this to me a few years ago. Bu-bye!
    Jeremy Wahl recently posted..The Ethics of Pick Up Artistry: Lying is for LosersMy Profile

  5. Billy Barnes says:

    I would think that they may want to first find out when the profile was made. They may have found something that hasen’t been used since the person met them.
    I’d say confront the person or I should say ask the person to see the profile. See things like when the person last commented on the site when it was last used or worked withh (used).
    If the person had just been on it the night before – dump um.

  6. Billy Barnes says:

    Sorry about those couple of typos

  7. Ray R says:

    I have been divorced for 4 years and was crushed and heartbroken after turndowns after turndowns, but just like anything time heals all. I just heard in a movie( forgot the name of it ) I want a girl who will make me a better person. Of course there is always a chance of getting your heart broken
    Move on…….

  8. Joshua says:

    Its sad that guys try to cheat online while with someone. This is so hard to fight against though since there are literally hundreds of online dating sites out there. You really just have to trust and hope for the best.