Do You Want to Get Married?
Did I ever tell you about the time I called a matchmaker? No, I’m pretty sure I haven’t.
I was 34. I know that because I remember exactly where I was sitting when I made the call. I was having lunch at my desk, in my new temporary office, at a new job. It was a “temporary” office while they fixed up my new, almost fabulous corner office with a stunning view down Park Avenue. Almost fabulous because the heat didn’t work right and it took 3 space heaters to make the room bearable during the winter months. I’m sure there’s a metaphor there.
Anyway, I have a very distinct memory of the call, and everything that surrounded it. I’d just finished a few months on eharmony and it was disastrous. So, I was feeling low. Not just because eharmony was a failure for me, but because I couldn’t understand what was wrong. It was my 3rd dip into online dating. The first couple of times (on different sites)I’d met guys right away. Nice, decent guys who were nice, decent boyfriends. Not the loves of my life, but… I guess I wasn’t sad about that.
So I was back in the pool and coming up empty. And frustrated. I’d tried match and eharmony and nerve and nada. I was starting to think I needed to do something more radical. Then one day during my first weeks at the new gig I decided to take a couple of minutes during my lunch hour to do a little research and I came up with the brilliant idea to call a matchmaker. To stop goofing off with the online dating and get serious.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
After chatting for a couple of minutes I was invited in the next day for a meeting/interview. And I immediately panicked. I told the woman on the other end of the phone that I was just calling for info and wasn’t ready to commit to anything. And she said,
“Do you want to get married?”
Now, I realize that that’s probably part of her pitch. And that most of the people she speaks with say, YES. Of course they want to get married.
But I realized that my answer wasn’t YES. It was maybe.
If everything fit into place. If, if , if, if…. That being single was kinda awesome. And I actually liked being married to my career. So I took her number and told her that I’d call back. Maybe. And I never did.
I know some single people who hate being single. Who, when asked that question would say, YES!!!! YES, PLEASE!!!! Who spend most of their waking moments dreaming about not being single anymore. I also know some married folks who are in miserable marriages. Don’t we all?
Not everyone has the life they want. Sucks. It’s like, the more choices we have, the harder it is for each of us to get where we belong. Or some nonsense like that.
***
I started writing this post a while ago, after reading some random nonsense about no-good, godless, selfish single people. How dare we not fall in line and live by society’s rules? Not something directed specifically at me. Just some random post bouncing around on the webz.
Then I was reminded about this half-written post when I read this over the weekend.
Narcissists?
Hell is other people. Seriously.
Tags: Eharmony, Match, matchmaker
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Do I want to be married is a good question to ask yourself. Just because you want someone special in your life right now does not mean you are ready to be married, it could mean you are ready to be in a relationship that leads to marriage one day. You want to at least have someone in your life that is a possible marriage prospect. It’s nice to have someone to at least consider for marriage one day.
Well, YOU might want to have someone that is a possible marriage prospect
Me, not so much. I like men. I like to have a guy around. For the sex, the intimacy. The companionship. But I don’t know about the forever thing. I don’t see it as something I want. It’s never been a priority.
And that’s ok. For me.
Everyone gets to have their own priorities. Life’s cool that way.
Boyfriend always seems more interesting than Husband, to me
-The Spinsterlicious Lofe
Spinsterlicious recently posted..The Best Relationship Advice I Ever Got
Indeed! Even as a child I loved the Katharine Hepburn quote about men and women being better suited to living next door to one another and visiting often (coming from a family where my mom and dad were perpetually screaming at each other). Seems to make a lot of sense to me.
For me the thought of staying single all my life is scary, it’s enough to push me to find the love of my life. Yes sometimes I feel like maybe marriage is not cut for me, but that is just for now but later in future I am sure I will get married.
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Like I said, there are certainly many singles who want nothing more than to NOT be single. You fit into that category. And I hope you get your wish and have a very happy marriage when the time comes.
Marriage is a tool of the state to keep track of and control us. So is owning a house. Resist them both; they are not necessary for happiness or achieving “The Dream.”
Rufus Shepherd recently posted..Parenting
Ha! I am not sure my views are as extreme as yours. I do believe that neither of those things are necessary for happiness. And that people need to stop buying into that silly brainwashing nonsense. But I think that some people find happiness in that kind of stability. Whatever floats your boat…
Great post as usual, Simone. I have definitely considered calling a matchmaker, too… just because I wanted to know what other options I had since meeting people organically (on line at the health food store, in yoga class, etc) or inorganically (via online dating services) didn’t appear to be working for me. And I think it’s okay to admit that while you’re looking for someone special, you don’t know if you want to get married. Heck, I have an aunt and uncle in Norway who have had several beautiful children but they just never felt the need to make it legal! And no one cares! Everyone is different, but I think I would have been skeptical to hear that “do you want to get married?” pitch, too.
XOXO
Thanks darling.
Yes, her pitch scared the crap out of me. And maybe if she’d been more laid back I would’ve gone in to meet with her and signed up. But I’m glad I didn’t, as her services were really for people seeking marriage and that’s not where my head was at. Skip forward a couple of months and I started to date someone (who turned out to be a lying, cheating scumbag but we had lots and lots of awesome sex and I was traveling constantly for work so it was kinda what I needed/wanted at the time…).
Oh my!
I can probably say yes, I do want to get married. To have kids, have an annoying husband on my side, build a life together
Having been in a long relationship, I love the closeness, being comfortable with each other, that warmth. Sure, someone courting me would interest me more than a husband with unwashed hair and in pajama pants, but I wouldn’t feel the real connection with suiters. But at the same time, why are single people called selfish??? What have they done to the society??? I was called pathetic when I was single, that I am not thinking about the future. Hell yes I was!!! I had my career mapped out, I was saving money to buy a house, I was keeping my health with a good lifestyle!! I spent descent time with my friends, especially helping the one who was busy with wedding planning. I took care of my little sister, and managed to listen to my mother pouring out her emotions on me. How was I ‘selfish’ and ‘pathetic’???
And Match and Eharmony were awful, never going back to them. There were too many chavs and old men on Match (perhaps US version’s better!), and Eharmony kept sending me profile of un-mathable mathes, especially career-wise. I am a professional, so I expected my matches would be too! Some had no jobs at all. I sent eharmony an email of complaint and they refunded my fee. Thank god.
I think getting married or not is up to one’s decision.The thing is that which gets your priority marriage or carrier. Once you come up with your decision, stick to it. Life is not all about getting married and having kids. If you look beyond this frame. there’s much in life to achieve and enjoy. Thanks.
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