Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

No More Crappy First Dates

No More Crappy First Dates online dating dating update  e3aec  screaming womanPeople keep asking me about my dating life. It’s been a long time since I’ve written about a recent date, here. There are a few reasons for that. All falling under the theme – nothing worth writing about.

I’d thought I’d met someone interesting, way back in the fall, before I got sick. Not much had happened yet, but he seemed interesting and we certainly liked each other. Which is more than I can say for any of the other guys I’d met in 2011.

And then I got . Really . Can’t get out of bed .

I tried to explain to him what was going on. That I wasn’t avoiding him. That my not answering his texts for days had nothing to do with him…

Instead of listening and understanding, he made it about him.  He was insecure and kept needing my reassurance that I did, indeed, like him. Which I didn’t have the energy for.

is, it’s not the kind of thing I want to deal with, even when I do have the energy. We’re all insecure, in our own way. And I’m willing to overlook a certain level of neediness. But he crossed my threshold.

I didn’t write about it sooner, because the guy in question would have probably seen the post (I let slip about the blog). I didn’t want to make him feel bad and thus wound his already fragile self-esteem.

So what about since then, you might be thinking?

A couple/few really crappy first dates. Really. Crappy.

Truth is, I don’t want to write about any more crappy first dates. Especially the, we-met-online-and-he-was-older/creepier/drunker-than-I-thought-he’d-be type. I’m tired of those. Of writing about them, reading about them and certainly having them. So much so that I’ve retired all of my accounts. At least, for now. I still think that can be a great way to meet people. But I’m just kind of tired of the way the game is played.


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10 to “No More Crappy First Dates”


  1. I totally get that. Writing about crappy first dates can suck the life right out of you – it’s like having to re-live the nightmare all over again! And needy guys? No one has time for them. Here’s hoping 2012 has better things (and/or guys) to offer!
    Girl’s Got Shine recently posted..Make a list, not a typeMy Profile

    • Simone Grant says:

      Thx darling. I just got to the point – a long, long time ago, when I stopped finding the bad date stories funny. Or instructive even. Time to change the channel. Or something like that.

  2. Spinsterlicious says:

    Yeah, I’m kinda done with online dating, too. (http://www.thespinsterliciouslife.com/2011/11/why-im-done-with-online-dating.html). I’ve come to assume that online dating = lots of crappy first dates. It’s a good concept, in theory. I just wish I knew how to fix it.
    Spinsterlicious recently posted..Dating Young. How Low Can You Go?My Profile

    • Simone Grant says:

      It’s a great concept in theory and I had a lot of great dates from online dating. Even a few pretty awesome relationships (and a few that started awesome and ended in misery, but that had nothing to do with how I met the guys). But I honestly believe that now that it’s gotten less fun/harder. Maybe because everyone’s doing it and people have become so cynical about the whole thing. Who knows. I just know that I want out.

  3. Yep – i gave up on online dating too! Those first dates are just so awkward!!! Im one of those people who can tell STRAIGHT AWAY whether there is a ‘connection’ or not……and there never was a connection. So it just resulted in me feeling like there is not going to be someone out there for me, if I couldn’t even find someone online!!
    Singleaussiegirl recently posted..Return of the EXMy Profile

    • Simone Grant says:

      It’s frustrating for sure. Though… not that I’m giving advice, because I’m so NOT, I’ve sometimes found myself becoming attracted to someone long after those first few minutes. When we start talking, etc. I’ve given up on the “click”. I think the “click” lies. Maybe not for everyone, but it sure does for me.

  4. Charlotte says:

    I know what you mean. After going out on one bad date after another, I was convinced it just wouldn’t happen for me and I started doing what I never intended to do… I let it bother me and I convinced myself that there wasn’t a single normal person online. Of course that’s not the case, but it’s hard not to get discouraged. Then I thought of it as interviewing and I just wanted a bit of practice until someone worthwhile came along.

    Also, who in their right mind comes to a date drunk?! Oy. Take this time and enjoy a much-needed rest from the online dating scene.
    Charlotte recently posted..dreamsMy Profile

  5. I think there’s an added level of difficulty when there are health issues involved. When do we say something? When will our illness reveal itself? How does a guy receive the news? I’ve gotten so I’m so upfront about it because I don’t want to waste my time on a guy. I also had to reframe my mindset to realize that at our ages, we all bring some issues to the table. My health is one of mine. Take it or leave it. xoxo PS With the disclaimer that perfect health is an elusive concept, I hope 2012 has been better for you on the health front!
    Stef (City Girl) recently posted..Third-Generation Birth ControlMy Profile

  6. Ken says:

    I honestly think online dating is a waste of time. It’s for men who are too afraid of getting rejected in reality and hurt their ego. When I go out and see someone I find attractive I will go for it regardless of the outcome. Infact every girl I have been with always tells me that she never thought she would be with a guy like me (I’m Paki). Don’t worry Simone he will find you one day :P.
    Ken recently posted..Get out of the Friend Zone, it’s HELL.My Profile

  7. lolz says:

    Hey i feel ur pain. I totally understand where ur coming from and I can relate to u….dont worry. Life has a lot more to offer. You just gotta move on.