Do You Talk or Flirt?
I’ve got 3 scenarios for you:
You’re in a public place – bar, restaurant, party… and you make eye contact with an attractive person. S/he comes up to you and says hello. No cheesy lines. Just hello. Do you have an actual conversation or just flirt? And is there a difference?
You meet someone online and they ask for your number (or offer theirs). They call you. Do you talk or flirt? Again, is there a difference?
Lastly, you exchange numbers with someone you meet at a party (or something) and they text you. Do you attempt a conversation or do you flirt?
THIS is what’s been on my mind lately. I happen to think the 3 situations are actually pretty different. But that’s for another post. Or whatever. I’m really more interested in what you all think.
Tags: flirting
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At first, If I think they’re attractive, I flirt. Or attempt to. If I’m still deciding or if I don’t find them attractive, I talk.
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So you switch it on, or off? In a fairly conscious way?
My thoughts are ….
1) i have an actual conversation but an engaging one with some sprinkles of flirting but not a lot.
2) depends on what the online conversations were about, but chances are i might flirt more in this case.
3) id text back with suddle flirting tone.
Sprinkles of flirting? That’s an interesting way of putting it. And you’d flirt MORE on the phone?
I flirt in all these situations, but flirting to me is just being playful. I’m a playful kind of guy, most of the time I’m not flirting to attract anyone (in fact under my definition I flirt with other guys all the time) I’m just flirting because its how I make comfortable conversation.
I know several people who seem to ‘flirt’ all the time. But like you, I think it’s just their way of being playful. Not really sexual, at least not all the time.
Is there a difference between sexual flirting and playful flirting? Idk if there really is for me, besides maybe more touching and physicality when it’s the sexual kind.
I think I would actively flirt only in the first instance. I think the physical situation is very important.
I’m pretty bad on the telephone, I don’t really see the need for long wound out conversations with people, I’m a if I need to talk to them, I’ll see them sort of gal.
And with text, I think that it is FAR too easy to develop misconceptions and misinterpretations and so if it was someone that was a potential dating/love interest I would try to keep text communication to a minimum until I got to know them better.
I’m fairly similar to you. Face to face I’ll be a little playful within the context of a conversation. But that requires eye contact for me. Otherwise, I just tend to keep it straight.
Conversation, hands down in all three cases. It’s so much more stimulating and satisfying, regardless of whether you decide to stay in touch. Just be yourself, enjoy the convo and don’t try to be some kind of “sexy girl,” which I think is a sign of desperation at a first meeting. I think flirting is funner when you’re seriously dating someone.
I think your answer touches on the fact that for some people flirting is very natural (being themselves) and for others it’s phony and hard and maybe a sign of desperation.
In public … I blush hard, make some silly comments and run! LOL. I have no game. When it comes to phone/txt – if I’m interested, I talk. Again, I have no game so if I flirt I’m not aware
I bet you’re awful cute when you blush. And game is seriously overrated (from what I hear).
In many public and private conversations you need a little bit of both talking and flirting.
Directly & indirectly we all play the game and go as far as personal morals and standards will allow (but we all back slide or is it just me).
Game or no game if you like someone for whatever reason you will do what you feel is necessary to scratch that itch or start a process. Friends with benefits or a long lasting relationship can spring from anything & anywhere.
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Talk – always. The most attractive thing about someone is what they think – if they do at all. I can’t find out what someone thinks if they try to flirt – and if they are being too “cute” then I assume there is nothing there (haven’t been wrong about this one).
Scenario #1: I personally have a conversation. This could quickly turn into flirting but I don’t flick the switch automatically. There are so many people out there who just want a conversation so I never assume anything. Plus, honestly, I need a minute to get into that groove lol
Scenario #2: Again, I talk first with the possibility of flirtation once were…for lack of a less creepy word…warm. That being said, if they texted it’s likely to be flirting sooner rather than later…I know…I’ve got issues…what can I say…I’m shy…and a writer.
Scenario #3: Flirt. Unless at the party they were asking for my number because of business or something. But otherwise flirt my ass off.
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It all depends on what I want to achieve and what outcome I have in mind. If i was to just have a conversation then i will have a normal conversation but If i find her desirable than I will state my intent upfront because I have nothing to lose.
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I don’t really flirt at all until I know I like someone, or at least I’m physically attracted to them. I never flirt with men I know I’m not attracted to “in fun” or “for attention”. My friends do and I think it’s a waste of time.
1) I’ve never in my life that I can remember had someone approach me who I thought was attractive. I like to think that it’s because I’m unapproachable, but the fact is, I’m probably just not all that great looking! It’s usually creeps, old (as in really old) guys, weirdos, etc. who approach me and I give them the look of death that means “go away!”
2) I only talk because I’ve never met them in person and I don’t know if I’m attracted to them.
3) This doesn’t really happen. But let’s say that I meet someone in person from online dating for the first time and after our meeting, it’s determined we are attracted to each other. Yes, I will flirt, but not overly sexually. I’m just playful without being over-the-top, especially if this is a dating situation versus a FWB situation.
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In all situations, I want to converse. I want to talk.
The difference is: do I add some flirting?
Only if I’m interested. If I’m not interested, not flirting (do NOT want to send wrong message – that is never good). If I am interested, I will flirt to show I’m interested, but I wouldn’t allow it to override the conversation. Intelligence turns me on, so I also want to know about this person and if they have a brain, if they are interesting to me – AND if I am interesting to them. Do they ask me questions? Do they want to know more?
I think you can have a very flirty conversation that still gets somewhere. My thoughts, anyway.
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In all of the above I am going to talk because I’m don’t think I know how to flirt. Or maybe I do, but don’t think that’s what I’m doing. I think I’m a little to direct to flirt. What a fun question this is.
I think it all depends on the energy exchange between the two of you. If it feels safe to flirt than flirt. If not than keep it respectable.
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