Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Trust. It Really Isn’t That Hard.

I’d left a message for my doctor. It wasn’t urgent. I just needed to talk with her about some new side effects I’m struggling with from the new new drugs. Fun fun.

Anyway, I didn’t recognize the voice of the woman who answered the phone, which was weird. I’ve been a patient at that practice for over a decade and I know all of the office assistants (and they all know me). So when my doc didn’t call me back that day, or the next, I didn’t get upset. Not with her. I figured that I’d spoken with a temp and that she’d messed up the message. Lost it or whatever. ’tis the season for office temps.

So I called back a few days later and left another message. It was the same woman, the one whose voice I didn’t recognize. I specifically mentioned that this was the second time I’d called, and that perhaps she misplaced my previous message. I got a call back from my doctor within a couple of hours.

She (my doctor) was falling all over herself apologetic. She felt bad that I’d waited so long for a call back. I told her that it wasn’t a big deal. And it wasn’t. Because, while I would have liked to chat earlier, it wasn’t an emergency. And, more importantly, I know her and her and know that she cares about me and my well-being.

So why am I telling this story here? Well, trust is funny thing. It takes a while to build. A history of following-through. Of keeping your word. Returned calls and whatnot.

When there’s earned trust then a missed call doesn’t matter.

Much like, when (IF?) I trust a guy or a friend, I don’t mind much if they’re late or forget to call me back. No one’s perfect.

But trust isn’t impervious to damage. Trust can unravel. I’ve seen it happen. Had it happen to me. More often than I care to remember.

It will never stop shocking me, the way human beings take each other for granted. The way we assume that the people closest to us will forgive our bullshit. As if we all have a get-out-of-jail-free card once we earn a person’s trust. Instead of realizing that trust is hard to build, easy to destroy. #randomthoughts


9 to “Trust. It Really Isn’t That Hard.”

  1. LadyD says:

    Hmm. How apropos; I’m dealing with this very situation. A combination of utter thoughtlessness and distant behavior equates to a death knell in what was once – seemingly – a true friendship. *sigh* Sadly, the band-aid needs to be ripped off – quickly – for the wound to heal. Just not today; I’ve other plans . . . thank you for yet again another great post.

  2. IntrigueMe says:

    HMmm… isn’t that the truth. Lack of trust (in a particular relationship) has got me on edge lately. It’s a hard thing to come by, and I think people forget that you have to earn it and then remember not to abuse the privilege. Some people certainly take trust for granted.
    IntrigueMe recently posted..New Year, New LifeMy Profile

  3. Nikki B. says:

    Huh. You know, I sometimes feel like trust is actually easy to build – as in, we often trust too soon. Maybe because we really, really want to. And then, we keep coming back, even after that trust is pretty broken, because we’re hoping the there’s another explanation.

    That said, it is the people with whom you’ve built trust that the little things don’t matter. My oldest friends and I can go months without speaking, and pick up right where we left off. I never fault them when they don’t call back – I know there’s a reason.

    THAT said… it certainly is interesting the people, and the trust, we take for granted.
    Nikki B. recently posted..… tis the season…My Profile

    • Simone Grant says:

      I think you’re right. I know I’ve certainly handed out my trust to people who haven’t earned it. Because I wanted to believe they deserved it.

      People are weird (including me).

  4. Denise says:

    This is so true. It’s good you trust your doctor, I’ve had some bad experiences. Great blog in general :)

  5. Terez W. says:

    This is the truth. Probably the biggest sin people commit with ALL of their relationships is taking others for granted – until that person is no longer there. This seems to be such a simple fact to remember, but we forget all too often.

    Thanks for the food-for-thought Simone.

  6. Nicolas Cailot says:

    It is true that it takes years to build trust and seconds to destroy it. My sister’s friend was in a relationship with a boy from the last three years after which she caught him flirting with his childhood female friend. It took only few minutes to lose all her trust on him. However, the boy apologized to her and said that he was not serious about that matter and was just playing around. It has been an year now but she still feels the pain and is not able to be 100 percent trust that boy.
    Nicolas Cailot recently posted..Une bonne raison de se mettre en colère : la théorie recalibratriceMy Profile