Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

What Are You Afraid Of?

What Are You Afraid Of? batshit crazy  ?


Dying alone?


Everyone’s afraid of something. Maybe more than one thing. Probably more than one thing. When you’re single, like me, you have a lot of people randomly accusing you of being afraid of commitment or intimacy. Maybe it’s not so random? And others who ask you, genuinely, if you’re afraid of dying alone.

I’m not afraid of any of those things. At least, I don’t think I am.

Here’s some stuff I noticed lately. About me and many of the people in my world. Some people, not naming any names, seem to be afraid of silence. Afraid of the quiet that comes when they stop doing and just sit and think. Alone. And so they keep on moving and doing and surrounding themselves with people. Anything to keep the silence at bay.

Whereas, I’ve learned to adore that silence. I’m afraid of losing it. Of having a life so full of noise and chaos that there is no room for sitting and thinking. Alone.

Not trying to be profound. Just coming to a realization that maybe all of us, whether we want to admit it or not, are motivated (to some extent) by .


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16 to “What Are You Afraid Of?”

  1. Completely agree. I used to be afraid of silence – now, I crave it. It is pretty profound when you think about it – knowing yourself, not being afraid of your own truths, etc. Single people who know themselves are some of the strongest people I know; sorta funny others perceive that as a weakness or fear.
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  2. Ginger says:

    I love the silence! Its one of the things I’m afraid of losing once in a relationship. I need alone time to recharge after a stressful day.
    Ginger recently posted..The BodyMy Profile

  3. In college, a bunch of friends and I explored the idea of silence. My one friend made a short film that was crazy frenetic in the beginning, then led to a full ten minutes of silence. It was amazing how uncomfortable people were with it.

    Silence forces us to really get in touch with who we are.

  4. Pet says:

    Fear can be a good motivator too. Getting too comfortable with things that require no real effort isn’t exactly moving in the right direct.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I think we all get to decide what the ‘right direction’ is for ourselves. I think my right direction requires lots of silence. At least that’s what I need to achieve my goals. I can’t really speak for anyone else, nor would I want to.

  5. Green Monkey says:

    Fear is my #one motivator. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I worry about living without my husband all the time…. very sad, being old and lonely

  6. NikkiB says:

    I don’t feel right if I don’t have enough silence. Enough quiet. Enough alone time.

    Truth be told, silence and alone-time are probably going to be the most difficult two things for me to give up, should I ever enter into a commitment-type thing where there is co-habitation.

    I am, however, very afraid of death. I need to come to terms with that one.
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    • Simone Grant says:

      Death is a big one. I’ll be honest, I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately. Hard to comes to terms with. But facing fears is part of life, I guess.

  7. I love those times when I can just crash and sit in silence. At 50, I’ve become so used to living alone (with my cats) that I don’t know whether I’d be able to share my space with anyone else again. I never say never, though. My aunt, at 65, just moved her boyfriend in with her, so who knows.

    Maybe I’m just having a “moment.” If I am, it’s been a 7 year long moment. I’m not afraid of being alone, dying alone or silence. What I AM afraid of is commitment. Commitment requires a lot of compromise and sacrifice and I don’t know that I’m ready or willing to give either of those at this point in my life. I stopped looking for a man quite awhile ago.

    Somehow, when I quit looking, they find me, and after my last dip in the relationship pool I stonewall all of ‘em now. Fear? You bet.

    I’m in the process of simplifying my life right now. I’m moving to a new town, where the cost of living is cheaper and where I’ll have studio space in my home. This move cuts my living expenses by more than $700 a month, and that money will allow me to pursue my dream – that of building on the foundation I’ve created as an artist and making a living at it.

    Turning 50 was tough for me. I was very much afraid of it. It was as though my life went into fast rewind and I saw everything, thus creating a huge crossroad for me. I chose the path less-traveled and I’m praying it’s the right one. Right now, it doesn’t include a relationship because frankly, I’m afraid of them. I trust too easily; and while I’m not naive, I tend to believe people until they give me a reason not to believe them. I’m an eternal optimist, and I like to believe there is good in everyone. I found out that’s not true this past summer.

    Still, I’ve had a lot of good fortune in my 50 years, and I hope to live for 50 more. When I’m 95, I don’t want to look back on my life and say “I wish I’d followed my dream.” I want to look back with satisfaction and say “I DID follow my dream.” I’ve been afraid of my dream – because that means I step out on my own, without the illusion of corporate security, without a job to go to daily, and I make it or break it on my own.

    I don’t fear death; I fear the pain of dying. Death is simply a new beginning. I practice eastern theology and I believe that while our bodies (our shells) may die, as they should, because like all machines, they wear out, our spirits and souls live on. The universe is an infinite place and for mere mortals who live on tiny planet earth to think there is no other life out there but here is consummate arrogance. Who knows where death leads us? All monotheistic religions are based upon the same fundamental theology and each of them has, in their holy books, teachings, gospels, and writings that parallel each other and world events going back thousands of years.

    Death is a release when it’s our time to go. It’s not knowing how or when that I believe causes the fear. Personally, I’d like to die quietly, in my sleep, content in the knowledge that someone will find me shortly thereafter so my body won’t stink the place up too much. Gross? Yeah. It’s practical, though.

    As humans, some of us who live alone fear dying alone and then not having anyone know about it for days. We fear the commentary of others if we die with our homes a wreck or our personal situation not in order. But hey, we’ll be gone, so what do we care? Really. Write a will, tell someone where it is, or give a copy to 5 people you believe will outlast you and put another copy in a safe deposit box, make sure there’s a list on the fridge of who to call “in case of emergency” and also carry that list in your wallet. Afraid of what others might find on your computer? Shrug. Me? Nah. I’ll be gone. They can say what they want.

    It’s only because we are in human form that we have fear. We’ve been trained to have it. We’ve been socialized to fear criticism of anything we might do or own that could be deemed socially unacceptable. I think we need to free ourselves of that fear and simply shrug it off. Come on – we’ll be gone. Let ‘em say what they want. Let ‘em be a little shocked. Let ‘em puzzle it out and suddenly realize that no one – NO ONE – truly knows another human being. We only know what others allow us to know.

    Now, if I could only get past this fear of commitment…snort!

  8. Black Iris says:

    I’m totally perplexed by people who ask you if you’re afraid of dying alone. Are they? Because most married women are going to die alone anyway.

  9. MNP says:

    I actually get irritated when I don’t get enough me time. I treasure that time of just me and my thoughts. I’ve had many breakthroughs,as far as, understanding myself and what I want out of life. That being said, it’s not healthy to have no or little interaction with others. That’s just as important in the scheme of things.