Have you ever been having a perfectly pleasant conversation, and then all of a sudden someone says something that makes you realize OMG you really are an asshole?
I have this vague memory. I was hanging out with a boyfriend. I was already starting to realize that he might in fact be a bad person. But I was fighting that realization, because then all of the good thoughts I’d ever had about him would be wrong. And all of the hopes I had for our future were lies.
But I knew. The clues were everywhere.
So we were in a car. Going somewhere. Talking and listening to the radio. And a Vespa randomly passes us by. I didn’t think anything of it. FWIW, I like Vespas. If I lived in a different place, I might have one.
Anyway, he says, “Fat girls and vespas, they’re all fun and games until your friends catch you on one.”
I don’t recall my exact reply, but it might have been, “What the fuck?”
Jump forward to the other week. I was on a date and that phrase randomly popped into my head. Maybe, not so randomly. I was having an interesting conversation and a fun enough time. BUT I couldn’t help having a little meta conversation in my head.
Could you be attracted to this guy?
Maybe. Maybe not.
Stranger things have happened.
He’s a really decent guy. He at least deserves a chance.
But what would people think.
It was that last phrase that stopped me in my meta tracks. What would people think? How fucking old am I? Why should I care what people think?
But the truth is, most of us do. Care what people think. At least a little bit. It may not shape our major life decisions (well, for some people it does). But other people’s opinions do affect us. And, let’s face it, it can be really hard to LIVE as if it no one’s watching.
Even though… no one’s watching.
PS About this guy. He’s just a little odd. Well, more than a little. But then, so am I.
Tags: asshole, date, decent guy, ex-boyfriend