I’m been thinking about this post for days. Trying to figure out how to frame it…
Seems like everywhere I look there are posts about how BAD dating is. Not just online dating, but dating in general. I know some people who claim to have given up on it all together.
I’ve certainly gone through stages where I’ve taken breaks from dating. It’s hard to constantly put yourself out there. Over and over.
But that’s not what this post is about.
I hate sounding like a cranky old woman, but some things have happened lately that are leading me to believe that maybe things have actually shifted. That maybe it’s not about dating getting harder as I get older (having less choices, for example) but rather that the whole damn sport has changed. Kinda like basketball. Now it’s about brute force and everyone’s forgotten how to be a team player. Or something like that.
Why would I think that? Here are 3 little snippets of stories from the past few weeks. For random examples:
1) I had a set date for a specific date/time/place. We said we’d speak that morning to confirm. I never heard from him. I tried to text him and he didn’t reply…I laughed it off… Then, 3 days later he called me. No apology/no explanation, just a hello.
2) Something happened and I had to cancel/reschedule a second date. I felt horrible about it and apologized profusely before and after. Yes, the canceling was my fault (also beyond by control). But instead of being gracious, the guy has disappeared and has not returned my text/call.
3) I was making plans (first date, met online) with someone who seemed like a fun, decent guy. He’d asked me out and specifically mentioned the next few nights. I said I wasn’t available, that I was busy until… with work-related events. I suggested Friday. His reply, “I have dates Friday, Saturday, Sunday nights.” Not, I’m busy… But, I have dates.
None of these things are a big deal. People have always been flaky, defensive, jerky, whatever. But it seems to me that dating really has become a bit of a sport. More about winning and losing than having fun. At least, that’s the vibe I’ve been getting.
I don’t think this is about the evils of online dating, as I started online dating over a decade ago. I don’t know what it’s about. But I do feel like there’s been some kind of a shift.
Or maybe this is just me being cranky, again?
Tags: decent guy, first date, second date, text