Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.


Peek a boo just a story  JessicaflectherOne of things I hated about my old was that one of my bedroom windows was approximately 5 feet from the window of my nearest neighbor. That meant that I pretty much always had to have the curtains closed. Except for when I didn’t. And then my neighbor saw me (and anyone else who happened to be in my bedroom) naked.

City living, what ya gonna do?

I was thrilled when I moved into my new apartment, because there’s a bit of distance between my bedroom and the buildings across the way. But then I realized that my kitchen window was just across a tiny alleyway from my neighbors. After a week of them getting peeks of me making coffee in my undies, they went out and bought new kitchen curtains. It bothered them more than it did me.

It may surprise you all to learn that I’m not really all that bothered if my neighbors see me in states of undress. It’s not that I’m an exhibitionist. Rather, I just don’t see it as a big deal. We live close together and I refuse to have my windows covered 24/7 because I like natural light. So it’s bound to happen sooner or later. And really, it’s only my physical body. So what?

This is a situation I’m basically in control of. I could put make it impossible for anyone to see into my apartment. To ensure my . It’s just not that important to me.

I WISH it were that easy to protect my privacy online. But it isn’t. Yeah, Simone Grant is just a pen name. And I (somewhat randomly) pick and choose what I share as SG. But even so, I know there’s a whole lotta data stored on SG. Much of which I didn’t choose to share. In addition to tons of info on my IRL identity, none of which I chose to share.

Speaking of which (bad tangent) I think many people fundamentally misunderstand what drives me to keep writing under a pen name, even after all this time. And I’m not talking about the ridiculous people who assume anyone who isn’t using their real name and blasting their picture everywhere is a liar.

Initially, my instinct was to hide this blog from the men I dated and from my family. Absolutely. Not because I write things I’m ashamed about, or write mean things about men. But because I just didn’t want to have to explain this to people who I feared wouldn’t understand.

And then I realized, rather quickly, that there was another, possibly bigger, issue. That one day it might interfere with my career. I have no idea what the future might bring. And who knows, maybe one day I might want to resume my old career. Or maybe it will become a financial necessity.

That would be a lot harder without the pen name.

Even so, I thought about it for while. Dropping the pen name. And even had a couple people try to talk me into it.  But when it came down to it, I just couldn’t. My privacy is too precious to me.

Yes, my privacy is too precious to me but I’m OK with my neighbors seeing me naked. So what does that mean, to me? My privacy is too precious to me? Let me try to explain by telling another story. Sorry if it doesn’t help.

This morning I had to get a medical test done. Lucky for me, my doctor called me right away with the news that the results of this test and the tests she did last week were all good. I’d had a new medical scare, one that I’d only told a couple/few friends about in detail, even though it could have been life-threatening. I’d been showing symptoms for months. And hadn’t told anyone. Because that’s the way I am. I don’t tell people stuff. I’m a crazy-private person. Someone else probably would have told a friend (or 2 or 3) and those friends would have insisted she see a doctor. But I have been overwhelmed with other health stuff. And I don’t share intimate stuff with friends. So I waited until things got really bad and then I went to the doctor. Who freaked out because I’d waited so long.

Anyway, I’m fine and relieved and don’t need a lot of comments from awesome people telling me you’re glad to hear that I’m fine. The point is that that’s the kind of person I am. I keep things to myself. I don’t feel the need to SHARE (though I am trying to learn how to do more of this in a social media-y kind of way because other people seem to like that and I’m trying to play along).  The thought of giving people even more access to my real life makes me queasy.

In conclusion, I apologize about the rambling and the unsettling mental image of me in my undies making coffee. And I’m sorry if I sound like a cranky old woman. A commenter recently said that I sounded OLD and like the Jessica Fletcher of dating blogs. And he’s right. I am too old to think it’s normal to want to share every detail of my life with the world.  And hey, Angela Lansbury looks damn good for her age.

This blog post is part of a blog-off series with a group of bloggers from different professions and world views, each exploring a theme from his/her world view. This was about exploring the theme, Privacy To explore how others handled the theme, check them out below. 


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14 to “Peek-a-boo”

  1. Rufus Dogg says:

    Hey, the dogs around here drink coffee in the nude ALL DAY LONG and nobody has ever complained :-) Some of the same reasons you listed are the same reasons I blog as my dog. I’ve been called non-authentic as well but I don’t care. As a dog, folks let you get away with barking out the truth a whole lot more than they would tolerate a human being. And those that don’t need to get over themselves.

    My human self is not that hard to figure out, but I find a lot of my fans (ok the half dozen drinking buddies I bribe to say they know me) just would rather live in the fantasy. That’s all good as well. Happy to oblige as my real self sometimes requires me to be way too politically correct with far too much stuff.

    Welcome to your debut LetsBlogOff post! I hope this was a lot of fun and we see you around more often. We’re here every other Tuesday so hop in anytime a theme fits your blog. (or you feel like taking a sharp left!)
    Rufus Dogg recently posted..Privacy and autonomyMy Profile

    • Simone Grant says:

      Thanks so much for inviting me to join in. I find the whole ‘authenticity’ conversation to be more than a little ridiculous. Everyone crafts their online identity, regardless of what name they choose to use.

  2. Seems quite normal. There are parts of our lives we share with others, and parts we do not. There are parts we feel more comfortable sharing with strangers – nothing abnormal at all.

    Sorry- SG – the more I get to know you, the more normal you seem to me.

  3. patz1 says:

    I don’t think you sound old at all and I completely understand about your apartment and not wanting to live in the dark! It’s very interesting how different aspects of privacy are important to different people. Most importantly, though, I’m glad your health is fine.
    patz1 recently posted..PRIVACY ACROSS CULTURES – A "LET’S BLOG OFF" POSTMy Profile

  4. ModernSauce says:

    What a coincidence that I blogged off about my pen name too! (With a slightly different outcome though…) I totally understand what you say about not wanting to explain what you blog about to everyone – sometimes you just hafta blog! Or make coffee naked. Without recourse. ; )
    ModernSauce recently posted..They don’t make sunscreen for your soul.My Profile

    • Simone Grant says:

      Indeed. And FWIW, I take responsibility for everything I write. I just SOME control over who sees what. Silly that we should have to work so hard for that.

  5. JustMe says:

    When I lived in NYC, My window was right next to a fire escape, which people climbed on at all hours of the night. One time someone even climbed THROUGH MY WINDOW. at 3AM. I had to put pants on pretty quick.

    I recently became un-anonymous on my blog, and I had to erase a LOT of stuff before that. There are definitely things I can no longer share. Sometimes it’s hard, but for me, it was the right thing to do.
    JustMe recently posted..It’s Just Drinks – Why Are You In The Fetal Position?My Profile

    • Simone Grant says:

      I’ve always had fire escapes outside my windows – with security gates. No unwanted visitors thank you very much. Glad you found a solution that worked for you.

  6. Hahah I love this! I can barely walk around in my pajamas with my roommates around, let alone in the nude!
    The Fearless Flirt recently posted..Reading between the lines…My Profile

  7. Ginny Powell says:

    So glad you joined in LetsBlogOff! Enjoyed your post and a couple of stories resonated with me since I am single and live alone. I had an overnight hospital stay a few months back and since the outcome was fine saw no need to share with my family and all of my friends. The friends I did share with are my close knit ones that took care of me and my dogs. Everyone doesn’t need to know everything all the time.

  8. Black Iris says:

    Makes sense to me. Telling people about your life and feelings is more personal in some ways than letting them see you in your underwear or even naked.