Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Sex or Laughter?

Hooray, I finally got my shit together to post a Guy’s Story. Seriously, I’ve had this one for a while, but didn’t want it to get lost in the shuffle of Labor Day weekend or 9/11 stuff.  This post comes to us from the awesome Christian Polanco.  Christian is a comedian and podcaster who does a cool podcast where he interviews comedians about their relationships. You might remember his previous Guy’s Story.

or Laughter?

As I get older, and my dating experiences start to pile up, I find that I only meet two types of women. Women I love sleeping with and women I love to talk to. Unfortunately, they almost never possess both characteristics at once.

Early this year, I had the both ends of the spectrum with two women I dated. I had a level of intimacy with one girl that I didn’t even think was possible outside of an adult film. I also had connected with another girl on such an intellectual level that nearly everything she said made me laugh hysterically.

But I always felt something was missing in each case. It was even more frustrating because I knew the things that were missing were so evident and I couldn’t do anything about it. How do you tell someone you just started dating, that they aren’t that interesting? Or how do you tell someone you just started dating, that the sex isn’t satisfying? Part of me even felt like I had nothing to complain about with either one.

While I am writing this, I have a fear that this can be confused for in some way. I shouldn’t care, but I do. But I know several women who have gone through this dilemma with men as well. I think women are much more vocal about it. For myself, I didn’t realize how significant intimacy was until it was this poor, because it was always satisfactory in the past.  Nor did I realize that I needed to really connect with a girl to continue a sexual relationship with her, even if the sex was stellar.

Most men I speak to, not all, admittedly make a small compromise when it comes to connecting with a woman. If the intimacy is there, that is significant enough to continue a relationship.  It’s hard for me to make that compromise.  I really like to laugh. I’m a comedian. So when I meet a girl who can make me laugh, it’s one of the most attractive things she can do.

But most women don’t make me laugh. I’m not suggesting that women are not funny. I’m saying that MOST women I date do not attempt to make me laugh. I’m not sure why. My theory is that many women presume it’s not lady-like to crack jokes or that maybe that I won’t be attracted to them if they are crass or vulgar. I haven’t figured it out, but it’s baffling because funny women are hot. I could date a comedian, but that still can have the similar repercussions as an office romance.

I’m starting to think, that maybe this is the definition of maturing is. Making compromises. Maybe I will never have both. Maybe it’s not realistic. I just want to laugh a lot and have a lot of sex, with the same person. Is that too much to ask for?

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3 to “Sex or Laughter?”

  1. IntrigueMe says:

    I totally get this… and it’s nice to hear this kind of honesty from a guy’s perspective! I’ve been dating a guy who is absolutely perfect on paper and is incredibly smart, but there is zero chemistry there. Not even a glimpse of a spark. If I had the slightest inclination that something could form there over time, I’d continue dating him, but I got nothin’.
    IntrigueMe recently posted..Fat Girl With a Pretty FaceMy Profile

  2. dixie says:

    Lucky for me, my new husband offers me both. He is very funny and he really, really turns me on; A LOT. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have found both of those traits in one man. He is the whole package for me.

  3. SometimesVeronica says:

    So, where do I find this guy, because “I just want to laugh a lot and have a lot of sex” pretty much sums up what I’m looking for, and I can give as good as I get on the laughing front.