Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

ATTN Women: Don’t Date This Man

Yeah, I’ve sucked at blogging lately. But that’s not what today’s post is about. And I apologize up front if I’ve already told bits and pieces of this story awhile ago. I honestly can’t recall.

So I was reading (skimming) this story in Jezebel about the lawyer suing the site I have very mixed feelings about sites like that.

I remember when I first heard of Don’t Date Him Girl. I was fresh out of a relationship with a lying, cheating douchebag. The kind of guy who would forget his own lies and then slip up. I was so excited. I wanted to post all about him and warn the world about him.

But then… I realized how completely cruel that would be. The guy had a serious career, a kid, a life. And the last thing he needed was me calling him names on the internet. Names that might pop up when people googled him.

Which reminded me of something that happened while I was in college. I went to college in a crappy college town. The kind of place that had 1 ‘cool’ place to go out at night and one long block that was the hip downtown neighborhood.  At some point I vaguely recalled these silly handmade posters warning women not to go out with a certain guy. They didn’t include his picture. Just his name and physical description (height, hair/eye color and that he was very attractive). And some rant that he was a lying, cheating asshole and where he hung out(the one cool place). I’m sure I thought it was hysterical.

Jump ahead to some drunken night at that one cool place and I met the guy. Not recognizing his name or really remembering the posters. I picked him up and brought him home (go ahead, be shocked). I’d like to say we had an instant connection but no, I liked him because he was the hottest guy in the club.

Anyway, it turned out we kinda hit it off. And the next day he asked me if I ever saw the posters. And when I wasn’t sure he showed me one. He actually took one and saved it.  He thought they were funny. So we laughed together and he asked me if I had any questions/issues and I said no.  We dated for a while and stayed in touch for years and I have to say he was a pretty decent guy.

So what’s my point? Well, he was good to me. Does that mean those other women had no reason to hate him? No. Maybe he really was a dick to them. But I knew what I was getting into, what their allegations were and I didn’t care. Luckily this was all in the early stages of the internet. So it was just a bunch of silly handmade posters and not his reputation being trashed online. Because he’s a decent guy. And I’d hate to think that future potential employers would see a bunch of junk written by ex college-girlfriends when they google him.

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7 to “ATTN Women: Don’t Date This Man”

  1. Jocelyn says:

    Hi Simone,
    Jaja There have been many times after dealing with douches/jerks/players/etc. that I have wanted to warn other people about them. Specially when they negatively affect more than one person in my circle of friends (ex. sorority sisters). But after reading a couple of posts at DontDateHimGirl, I’ve always changed my mind.
    I don’t want to ruin their future possibilities for a good relationship/job/etc. Like you alluded to, just because someone was one way to another, doesn’t mean that they will always be like that. Plus often times people (including myself) get themselves into situations with the wrong person by ignoring BIG red flags. There is no need for viciousness, if you aided in allowing for your unhappiness to happen.


    PS: We miss you, but we care more that you are okay in your “offline” life.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Thanks so much. Yes, life first. Blog second. I think it’s natural to want to ‘out’ someone for their bad behavior. But there’s a big difference between telling everyone in town (maybe over drinks at the local bar) and telling the internet.

  2. Sandyvs says:

    I was in a situation where a guy cheated on me and I personally knew the girl he started dating after me. I didn’t know she was dating him when I told her the whole dirty story about what he did and she continued to date him. I recently found out that he’s cheating on her, but I’m not going to say a word to her. I figured she’s willing to settle or put up with something or someone that I won’t. If or when she finds out he’s cheating, she won’t be able to say she wasn’t warned.

  3. Nick says:

    I think there is some validity if you constantly hear from multiple people, “that guy’s a jerk, douche, liar, whatever.” At the same time, people change. When I was younger, I was a jerk in my relationships. I’m not talking the abusive kind but I was jealous, insecure, and overly needy. I ended up losing a great relationship because of it and that set me on a path of deep self-reflection.

    To keep it short, I’ve completely changed in the last five years. I’m now in a healthy, happy, loving relationship with a beautiful woman. Looking back, I realize how young and naive I really was.

    Listen to what people are saying but don’t accept it as dogma. Use your own judgement and make an educated decision. You made your own choice Simone and it worked out for you :)

  4. You have no idea how bad I wanted to put my ex-husband on that site.


    Like, completed it all the way up to the point of hitting “submit.”

    Couldn’t do it. It’s not who I am. I wanted it to be so bad…but it just wasn’t.

  5. Anna says:

    There’s always the temptation to post on one of those sites – hell, post ANYWHERE – after someone made your life suck one way or another. Luckily I haven’t been in one of those truly awful relationships in years, but there was one in particular who I think deserved a lot worse than slander.

    That being said, you’re right. It’s unethical. It’s a little trashy. It’s frequently inaccurate. Jilted lovers need to behave themselves.
    Anna recently posted..Downtown girl.My Profile

  6. angie says:
    there was a jerk like that at my high school and early college years and I hated his guts for it and of course wouldn’t dream of giving him the time of day; i gave in and we have been married now for 15 years! But man was he an asshole to a lot of girls!
    angie recently posted..Damn FairiesMy Profile