Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Mass Text = Despair

Mass Text = Despair just a story  young man texting on couchFirst, let me explain that title. I was tired of work and wanted to take a few minutes to finish up this post (I’d started it this weekend). But I needed help. And so I turned to my twitter friends.

@SimoneGrant Help! My brain is tired… What’s it called when you send a text to lots of people in the hopes that SOMEONE will answer?

@JugglingJenna Despair? J/K, I call it a “mass text.”

And hence, the title.

So, remember that guy who sent me the Icky Text? Well I told him that I would go out with him. Because I’m trying to keep an open mind and clearly I have bad judgement, still.

Then he immediately screwed it up. Instead of asking me out for an actual , I got a series of asking me to meet him that night for drinks. In my book, asking a person out for a date means more than 4 hours in advance, preferably more than 24 hours in advance. The first time it happened, I legitimately had plans and told him so. And then, a few days later, I got a similar text (drinks that night). No notice. I was busy and told him…

The next time he texted (drinks, no notice) I didn’t bother to reply. Or the next time. The texts, they started to seem like mass texts. Like he was blasting every single woman he knew to see who was available each night. Who was willing to keep him company, or whatever.

Which I’ve heard of guys doing. Sadly.

And then it got sadder. The guy was going out of town for part of the summer. Summer rental. You NYers know what I’m talking ’bout. The kind of place that people invite their city friends out to for the weekend – not mentioning any names – not the Hamptons. Now, for the past few weeks I keep getting texts telling me I should come visit his vacation place.

Like that’s going to happen.

But I can’t help wondering… how many women are getting these texts? And is anyone desperate enough (for attention, for a break from the sweltering city heat) to take him up on his offer?


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13 to “Mass Text = Despair”


  1. Gmac says:

    It works. Remember, he only needs one person to agree. On to the next girl!
    Gmac recently posted..Become a Sex GodMy Profile

    • Simone Grant says:

      Define WORKS. Yes, he’ll get laid. If he’s not picky. Low hanging fruit.

      • City Girl says:

        I nodded in agreement at the post and this comment! The drinks, no notice guys worked when I was in my early 20s. They thankfully don’t anymore. xoxo PS Happy you’re feeling better!
        City Girl recently posted..IMF (Interesting Male Friend)My Profile

      • Gmac says:

        That’s not necessarily true. For example, I only message women that I’m interested in / attracted to from the start… not just random girls hoping for what I assume you’re dubbing, “low quality girls.” Sounds like a cop out to me.

        I’m already being picky before I push send because I don’t hang on to numbers of girls I’m not interested in. I can see how you might perceive it as desperate, but from a guy’s perspective he’s just another one of the dozens of guys a girl is interacting with.
        Gmac recently posted..Pre-Gaming Before DatesMy Profile

  2. SFSingeGuy says:

    There was some story about the guy who developed this tactic in NYC several years ago. I thought most women were too smart for this.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I think MANY women are too smart for this. And some women will fall for it, thinking the texts are to them only. A sign of interest/persistence. *sigh*

  3. pansophy says:

    I know a lot of smart, professional women that have said no (several times) to a guy asking them out because they were not attracted to them only to finally go out with them and eventually sleep with them.

    I’m probably the stupid one. If I ask a woman out and she says no I don’t ask her out again. Crazy I know.

    There are at least two reasons this seems effective as far as I can tell. One has to do with circumstances – women that aren’t really interested in a guy might go out with / sleep with him under the right circumstances. These circumstances can be boredom or maybe they feel rejected by someone they liked and so they go out with someone else to try to get rid of those feelings. I see both of these things a lot, but basically pick a circumstance when the woman doesn’t feel great about themselves (or what’s happening in their life i.e., bored) and they often say yes to someone they wouldn’t normally.

    The other factor in this is that for some reason I still don’t fully understand, is that women value persistence. Somehow many women equate a guys persistence with genuine interest in them. So often though the opposite is true, but you know a guy floods a woman with attention and she feels good for a little while, and then wonder what happened because he seemed so interested.

    It’s pretty easy to see how these two things work together. So if you are a guy who’s goal is to sleep with women you flood with attention as many women as possible and you ignore “no’s” because you never know when you will ask her when the circumstances are right.

    If it didn’t work guys wouldn’t do it.

    • Simone Grant says:

      It’s enough to make a sincere gal wanna scream. And yes, it’s pretty easy to see how these 2 things work together. But I wish they wouldn’t. Not that I’m judging. Well, maybe a little.

  4. nathan says:

    I agree that the guy should be giving more notice if he wants to go out. And his pattern seems to suggest he’s fishing for someone who will take him up on his short notice offers.

    Like pansophy, I don’t ask a woman out again who says “no” the first time either. But I also don’t do the short notice thing, and then give up when she’s busy. If I’m asking her out, it will be with enough time for her to schedule.

    However, if she still says “no” and it doesn’t seem like it’s about a legitimate scheduling conflict, I’m done. If she’s testing me to see if I’ll keep trying, that’s a total turnoff. And if she’s truly not that interested, then I’m saving both of us effort and time by stopping my attempts.
    nathan recently posted..Facebook and RelationshipsMy Profile

    • Simone Grant says:

      Yep. I’m all for impromptu, last minute dates with someone I’m actively dating. But not with some random guy. Last minute isn’t good enough. It’s an obvious sign of fishing. And ugh.

  5. Hey Simone,

    Good for you for being on your toes and not accepting last minute dates. I had never heard of “mass texting” until reading your post and it’s definitely an eye opener. Just goes to show you that the man who has to have you will ask you out for a proper date when it’s good for YOU.

    Vanessa

  6. LoveDr says:

    He has no class. Although Im sure his technique may work depending on the amount of women he send the text to but there are much better ways to get a date.