I’ve been a total shut-in lately. Which, in all honesty, is lousy for my mental health. I’ve always been a bit of a loner by nature. But I do need some human interaction. Even if it’s by phone and internet. And I haven’t been doing much of that lately, either.
Which means when I do go out, I feel out-of-sorts. Like I’m visiting a foreign land. Instead of just hanging out with friends/people I know.
Anyway, I spent a couple of hours with friends yesterday. And that was healthy-ish. It was good to try. To make the effort. To try to remember what it’s like to be myself again.
I had a bit of a subway trek, there and back. And on the way home I overheard a distraught women telling a friend about a recent fight with her boyfriend. Something she said stuck with me.
His words were like fists.
She went on to tell her friend a long list of horrible things the guy had said to her. And they were pretty awful. Hateful, mean things that were intended to hurt. FWIW, I can’t imagine patching things up after a fight like that.
Which got me to thinking of the most painful thing a man has ever said to me.
I thought about it all last night. And, in the end, I realized that the most hurtful thing a man has ever said to me was, “you’re my soulmate.” There’s a long story there. One that I’m still trying to unravel. For myself. But the crux is that for me, the worst thing a man can do or say is to make me feel wanted and needed when I’m not really.
Another issue with being a shut-in. I spend too much damn time in my head.
Tags: fight, soulmate