So I’ve been in an inappropriate funk for the past few days. And I can’t seem to completely snap myself out of it. I’ve tried to stay laser focused on work. And that’s helped a bit.
But there’s a sadness hiding behind the busy-ness.
I found out, on facebook, that someone who used to be a pretty close friend isn’t a friend anymore. I know this because I read that she’s pregnant. Very pregnant. And she never called or wrote to tell me.
The way I figure, you tell your friends when you’re pregnant. And so the people you don’t tell, they’re not your friends anymore.
Note: I helped her pick out her wedding dress.
I will admit that I’ve been bad about staying in touch with some of my old friends. Well, not as good as I’d like. I’ve been meaning to have her and her husband over for dinner. For months. But, truth is, I’m embarrassed about my new apartment. It’s much smaller than my old place and still looks like I just moved in. I just haven’t have the money or energy to make things look nice/make it a real home. And it’s hard to have people who’ve known me for a long time come over and see things like this. You know, see me doing less well than I used to be. Especially when they’re doing well financially.
It just makes me feel like a failure.
Anyway, we had dinner months ago. I can’t remember when. It must have been more than 6th months ago. Maybe right after my move. And haven’t spoken since. And…
It’s entirely inappropriate for me to react negatively to someone else’s happiness. The world doesn’t revolve around me. But I do feel like this is a sign that the friendship is over. And it makes me sad.
Maybe it has nothing to do with the married/single divide. Maybe it’s something I said or did. Maybe it’s the widening divide between our lifestyles and incomes. Who knows? Whatever, it makes me sad. And for days now, every time I have a spare moment all I can do is wonder if there’s some way for me to fix it. Or if it’s even worth trying.
Tags: facebook, married, work