First things first – I’m using the phrase ick factor because that’s the phrase that came to mind when I sat down to write. I’m not subtly referencing a SATC episode or a dumbass political comment. Those things just happen to come up with you google ick factor.
So… the other day I got a text from an acquaintance. We’d bumped into each other, earlier in the day. He texted to ask me out for a drink. His words, more or less, “You looked so sexy. We should get a drink.”
My gut said ick.
Which is what my gut always tells me when a guy says shit like that.
And then my head chimes in. And I remember a conversation I had ages ago with a male friend. A guy who, by his own admission, is lousy with women (but somehow got his wife to marry him). He reminded me that he, and most of his friends, have no idea how to speak to women. Especially women they are interested in/attracted to. So they’re more than likely to say dumbass things. AND that if I only go out with guys who are good with women, I’m going to be missing out on a lot of pretty cool guys. Men who would make decent boyfriends and partners if given a chance.
I took his advice to heart, and have been trying, REALLY trying to be open to dating the guys who suck with women. The ones who sometimes say the completely wrong thing.
Which leaves me pondering the ick factor. If that text had said, “Great to see you earlier. Let’s meet for a drink.” I would have been responded positively. Right away.
Now, I know guys. And I know that his (or any man’s decision) to ask me out is based on physical attraction, first. I’m not a moron. Well, not a total moron.
But the fact that I received a text that was blatant about that (and that used the word sexy, from a man I’m not currently involved with) is icky. To me. Maybe there are lots of other women who would react differently. Who would like to hear that they looked sexy. And are comfortable with invitations of the, “you’re hot, let’s go out” variety.
Anyway, I’m babbling. My point, if I have one, is that I definitely do have an ick factor when it comes to dating. For me, the biggest way for a guy to blow it with me, pre-date, is to focus on looks or be overtly sexual. I’ll get creeped out and probably decide to pass.
Until now. I think. In this case I’ve said maybe. Because I still can’t decide. My gut is still saying ick. But my head is telling me to give the guy a chance. Plus, it’s only a drink.
Tags: attraction, boyfriend, friends, text