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A Nation of Prudes

OK, I gotta go there.

Anthony Weiner is a moron. He was stupid enough to think that ANYTHING he said in a DM on or a private message on would be actually PRIVATE.


And for his stupidity, the voters of his district should have the pleasure of voting him out of office. If that’s what they should choose to do. ’cause clearly the ain’t that bright, so…

All that said, I’m utterly shocked at how offended people are by his supposed . ?  Really?

Give me a fucking break.

I wasn’t paying much attention to this story, until I saw a poll on The Frisky yesterday, asking readers if flirting over twitter and facebook is cheating.  Almost half the people said yes, (“All flirting over social media is disrespectful and unfaithful.”)

WTF?  Can someone please explain this to me? How can a few random tweets or messages with someone a guy/girl’s never gonna meet be disrespectful? Even if they exchange naughty pics. It’s all just a fantasy. NOT real life.

Honestly, I think some people are just looking for things to be pissed off about. MORE reasons to disapprove of other’s people’s behavior.

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40 to “A Nation of Prudes”

  1. NikkiB says:

    Yep. I think people just looooove bringin’ down politicians and celebrities, to tell ya the truth. Not that I blame them – but we seem to just love a spectacle.

    That said – I agree that I don’t understand the issue here or why it’s such a big deal (then again, I don’t understand how the vast majority of things we choose to discuss are *actually* what we choose to discuss, but…). Look. Twitting pics of your private parts can be cheating IF the relationship has (for whatever reason) already dictated it as such. Otherwise – it’s fantasy, as you said. It’s nonthreatening. Or it shouldn’t be. I mean, have we ever paused to think for a second how shallow our relationships must be, or at least how insecure we are in them, if a DM conversation is a threat?
    NikkiB recently posted..Rainbow Flags! Pride Month Post II- I’m comin’ out…My Profile

  2. Jessica says:

    Thank you for this. While I am not sure how I would feel if a guy I was with was sending nude pictures to other people, I don’t think it’s cheating. I also don’t think it makes him a bad person or a horrible boyfriend/husband/whatever.

    And just another note…doesn’t the whole idea that this is cheating kind of make watching porn cheating? Just sayin. (For the record I don’t think that is cheating either).
    Jessica recently posted..What does it mean to be over your exMy Profile

    • Simone Grant says:

      Yep, big difference between bothersome behavior and cheating. I’m not a big fan of strip clubs. And if my sig other was going to a strip club regularly and getting lap dances from the same chick over and over, it wouldn’t make me happy. But…

  3. HP says:

    I guess I’m going to be devil’s advocate and say that I would definitely have a problem if my significant other was sending nude/naughty pictures to some other woman/people.

    A few months ago you wrote a post about how it was unacceptable for a significant other to still have an acting online dating profile. So what’s the difference between that and someone sending naughty/naked pics online? Either way there’s something that said person is not happy about in their current relationship and seeking an outlet of some kind. As we all know just because they’re on a dating website does not mean that they’re actually looking for a relationship, they could just want to fool around/have a one night stand/etc. The same is true for this situation, people meet on facebook/twitter/myspace all the time just because it’s not a dating website does not mean that there is no possibility of meeting in person.

    In response to Jessica’s post I don’t find porn cheating at all. It’s not immediate, you’re not directly involved in the action. That is like saying watching a movie like The Lovely Bones would mean that you are an accessory to child murder. I know there are a lot of women who have problems with their significant others watching porn, which I find stupid. Men masturbate a lot as do women, sometimes pornography can make that solo session a little more exciting. I’d rather him get his side bit of fun to that than having phone/cyber/cam sex with some woman who he could easily go to see and have actual sex with.

    I just had an issue with this post because you can’t find one scenario to be cheating and not find the same rules to apply to another. Either way if you’re in a relationship then you shouldn’t be doing it. Otherwise get out of the relationship.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Yep, lots of people use twitter and facebook as online dating apps. But that’s not what I’m talking about here (or the subject of the poll on The Frisky). I’d be pissed as hell if a guy I was dating was still shopping for new women, with the intention of meeting them, if we’d had “the talk” and agreed to be monogamous. But he can flirt all he wants online and watch porn, and anything else he likes to do in his sexual fantasy life.

      I see people flirting with strangers on twitter all day. I assume some of that turns into naughty DMs. I get naughty DMs sometimes, at which point I just unfollow the guys, because I’m not interested. But these are people who are just playing. No intention of it ever going anywhere.

      Fantasy vs reality.

      • I agree 100% Simone. I’m glad you made this point clear. Honesty is the best policy no matter the situation. If you can’t be honest about it, it’s probably not innocent.

        Some of the problems to consider are letting that innocent flirting get out of control; not being honest and open with mate to talk about those fantasy’s; or newbie relationships don’t know if it’s honest cheating or if they’re still shopping until caught red handed. There have also been a few stalking instances in social media already. We also have to remember that innocent flirting can turn Fatal Attraction in an instant. I just don’t want to see any cooked bunny rabbits on my stove!

  4. Chiara says:

    One day, cheating will go back to being screwing your secretary on your lunch break. We’ll be allowed to flirt and be friends with members of the opposite sex. One day.
    Chiara recently posted..His-Her Parents Hate Me!My Profile

    • HP says:

      Maybe I’m a prude but “flirting” is not showing my breasts or genitalia to a man IF I’m in a supposedly monogamous relationship. As C says in the comment below, would you do this behavior openly in front of your significant other? Let’s take the computer out of the equation. If I’m at a party with my significant other, we’re each chatting up with different people and he gets into a game of “I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours” with some woman. There is no touching at all. You think that still counts as just flirting?

      • Simone Grant says:

        Again, I think there’s a very big difference between what happens online and in person. For you it’s different. Luckily, we all get to live by our own rules.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Love it! – intended for Chiara’s comment.

  5. C says:

    Would you do it if your significant other was sitting there observing everything you say? I doubt it. If you are in a healthy, committed relationship, why even go there in the first place? Maybe I am a prude, but it would definitely hurt me if my boyfriend/husband pursued a sexual relationship (fantasy or real) with another woman and it would raise serious questions about his loyalty. If your fantasy is to have sex with someone other than your partner and you feel obliged to act on it in some way (i.e. cybersex), what does that say about your relationship? Unless this is something you are both into and both agree on, I think it’s off limits.

    To Chiara: there’s a big difference between harmless flirting and cybersex. Why does “I don’t want my boyfriend to have cybersex with other women” translate into “I don’t want my boyfriend to have female friends”? I have plenty of male friends that I don’t engage in raunchy conversation with. It is actually possible to have platonic relationships with the opposite sex.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I personally don’t get off on this stuff AT ALL. I don’t even like to sext with someone I am in a relationship with, so I don’t get the thrill. But REALLY, if the guy I loved got turned on my harmless online flirting, I wouldn’t care. But then, I’m also cool with open relationships (if that’s what we both agree to) so perhaps I don’t have that jealousy gene that have other people’s panties in a bunch?

      As for what that says about the relationship – it says we’re individually happy to explore our sexual desires and fantasies while not having that detract from our commitment to each other. Not rocket science. And pretty damn common, actually.

  6. Lennie Ross says:

    I agree with you entirely on this one. A) what a moron… why keep a moron in office? B) what’s the big deal? He didn’t stick his d*ck in another woman, he only talked about it/thought about it. Please… it’s the modern day equivalent to watching porn. America is full of a bunch of hypocritical prudes. Prudes in public, that is. Behind closed doors they’re mostly amoral sexual deviants… they just don’t want to get caught. So, they should do stupid sh*t then and Tweet about it. Uh, duh!

  7. Heart Broken says:

    Im kind of in Weiners wifes place. My girfriend has established a relationship with another man through social media. What started as flirting has now become at a minimum, an emotional affair (they have arranged flights together and im in denial regarding physical) where they tell each other they love each other. I do dont think its just innocent flirting. I cant speak for Weiner but in my case, i have some. really deep scars, especially since we have kids. I wouldnt know how to begin to tell my children their mom and i didnt work out because of some innocent flirting…

    • Simone Grant says:

      Sounds like something that went a lot farther then random flirty emails between strangers (who never intended to meet). Much like office colleagues who start with the occasional flirty hello and eventually progress to a romantic relationship.

      These things happen. It doesn’t mean no one should even exchange flirty hellos (or maybe you think it does).

      I’m sorry for the pain you’re going to go through. It sucks. People suck.

      • Topsea says:

        extremely thin line between online flirting and reality. ppl meet “online people” everyday. i should know *sigh*

        • Simone Grant says:

          People from the online world do choose to meet everyday. It doesn’t JUST happen and it’s not an extremely thin line. It’s a line that grownass people have to decide to cross.

  8. Black Iris says:

    As far as cheating goes, I think couples need to talk about whether or not they consider cyber sex to be cheating. It’s a grey area and something worth making an agreement about.

    It’s only an impression from looking at the news, but I think there’s an age difference in how people react to Weiner. Older people seem to me to be more likely to say things like he needs psychological help or he behaved terribly.

    Unfortunately, I think one of the big reasons he is getting so much attention is just that people find it funny. Between his name, his blustering, and his idiotic poses, the media can’t ignore it.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Yep, it’s hysterical. And he was acting like a jackass. An arrogant, immature jackass – sexting a bunch of random strangers who had no real interest in him. He got off on it.

      Behaving badly. Not cheating.

      • Black Iris says:

        I think whether or not it was cheating depends on what he and his wife have agreed to. I think it can definitely be seen as cheating, but I could also see how someone might say it’s not cheating because there was not actual physical sex.

      • Terry D says:

        All the moron had to do is say Yup – that was me alright – sent a few of em…..Now about bill 486…….It’s only cheating if YOU think it’s cheating. (in this case you = a married couple) and you’re an asshole if you haven’t talked about it with your S.O.

  9. dixie says:

    In my opinion, cheating happens in someone’s mind long before it physically happens. There is a lot of calculating and pre-planning in one’s mind long before they take the next step and actually cheat. It’s a slippery slope to be on, and for that reason, I feel Anthony Weiner DID cheat on his wife. His thoughts and actions in those moments were centered on other women (He sent a picture of his penis to these women; that isn’t harmless flirting. There is certainly an intent when you go that far!)not his wife. As someone who’s had a spouse who cheated, my ex made the decision in his mind whether consciously or unconsciously and his loyalty to me changed long before he went to bed with the other woman.

    • Simone Grant says:

      My favorite description of Weiner’s action’s came from the Daily Dish, “texting while male.” Seriously, if every guy who ever did something like that was guilty of cheating… well, I think couples have enough to worry about.

      • dixie says:

        Indeed and as you said luckily we all get to live by our own rules — even the prudes out there.

    • Topsea says:

      i agree with you. im not a prude but somehow… somewhere… the respect lines were totally blurred in our society.

    • Black Iris says:

      I agree.

  10. Looks like it was interactive porn. Not interesting, and I wouldn’t even care if he “cheated.” It does make a lot of good jokes. But if we hold politicians to a moral standard then I worry about our country. We need to grow up as a nation and let people have private lives- including public figures.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I like the metaphor – interactive porn (though with much less attractive visuals). And yes, perhaps one day we’ll accept that our politicians are human. Though it seems unlikely for the near future.

  11. Topsea says:

    So are you saying that you would be ok if you were to be in a committed relationship (with someone you actually love) and you would be ok if your husband or fiance or live-in boyfriend or plain ol boyfriend, were to send pictures of himself to girls online?

    some women just forget that flirting is a really really really dangerous social “activity” when you are already “taken”… one thing can sometimes lead to others.

    i love reading your blog but i have to admit i was appalled when i read this one. good heavens.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Yep. It’s called FANTASY. And if I loved someone I’d trust that he’d draw a line between his fantasy play and actual cheating. TRUST. You know that thing we’re supposed to have in our partners. I believe in it. And I don’t think that one thing magically leads to another. I believe that people make choices and should be held accountable for those choices. And that a grown up can engage in fantasy (like porn, sexting, strip clubs) and STILL BE FAITHFUL.

      Hell, in a country with thousands of strip clubs filled with married men getting lap dances, why are people outraged by a married guy sexting (to women who live hundreds of miles away)? Does not compute.

      • Black Iris says:

        I don’t think it is just fantasy. With cybersex or sexting there is another person there interacting with you. It steps from the realm of looking at porn to doing something with another person. You don’t actually touch the persons body, but you are having a kind of sex.

        For me cheating where you actually have physical sex is worse than other cheating, but I think you can cheat without having physical sex.

        I don’t think trusting someone has to mean you let them do things that might lead to sex and expect them to stop. Another way to show you really mean not to have sex is to avoid the situations that might get you in trouble.

        I think there’s a gray area here when you get away from actual physical sex. If a couple agrees not to do something, then it’s cheating.

      • topsea says:

        I am going to have to agree with BlackIris “I don’t think trusting someone has to mean you let them do things that might lead to sex and expect them to stop. Another way to show you really mean not to have sex is to avoid the situations that might get you in trouble.”

        “TRUST” is a very fragile “thing”. and call me bananas, but after what my friend JUST went through (and all i have been through) i would never put my complete BLIND trust on my partner. we are human and we make “mistakes” but THAT type of “mistake” i could not live with. kudos to you if you are able to SHARE your partner emotionaly with other women.

        heres a lil something straight from the wolf’s mouth “Yep. It’s hard to find a decent dude. Id think there’s def more quality women out there. Men are guided by their penis’ and ego and insecurities most of the time.” words of one of my guy friends. i cant make this stuff up.

        if you play w fire… you will burn. its just a matter of time (in my opinion)

  12. Black Iris says:

    I think one thing this story shows is that if a politician gets involved in a funny sex scandal with pictures, it can kill his career faster than if he does something really bad but without pictures. If the Internet/media can carry the story and show lots of pictures, it becomes news. The politician looks ridiculous. No other politician is going to defend him.

  13. Nichole says:

    I just don’t get why he would cheat on a woman like his wife! Gorgeous, Political Figure, Aide to Hilary Clinton! And only after 11 months! Really! I guess the grass really IS always greener….

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