Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Love the One You’re With

Love the One Youre With sex  0907 have sexIt had never occurred to me, as a child or a teen, to question the concept of . My family and upbringing was fairly conservative. And yet, it was the 70s, so lots of other ways of looking at the world were sneaking into my brain via music and tv. Whether I realized it or not.

So, when years later, a male friend sung to me, “if you can’t be with the one you love honey, love the one you’re with,” it was like hearing a childhood rhyme.

If you can’t be with the one you love honey, love the one you’re with. What a concept. It seemed, for about a second, completely wrong and immoral. And then I realized that it was also very practical.

You see, I’d met a guy. A great guy. And we liked each other lots. But our relationship turned into a long-distance nightmare.

I assumed, at first, that that meant long stretches of celibacy. But I was young and . As was he. And long stretches of no- didn’t seem like something either of us were keen on. So…

Along comes my friend singing, Love the One You’re With. And it made perfect sense to me. Why not? It’s only sex. And sex could be pretty damn awesome without any feelings involved. So if we just agreed that it was OK to have sex lives separate and apart from our relationship…

You get the picture. And it worked. And it didn’t work. Whatever. Long different story.

I’m not a fan of celibacy. I am a fan of monogamy, in some situations. But I also think there are lots of situations where open relationships work damn well, and at the top of that list is LDRs because, as I’ve already said, I’m not a fan of celibacy.

Today’s post is my contribution to The Insomniac Club. It was supposed to be about creating/sustaining sexual tension in the age of instant gratification and sexual bombardment, but I kinda got off track. Surprise, surprise.

Read what the other members of the Insomnia Club are saying:

F*cking in Brooklyn
The Book of Love Was Writ ten By A Sadist
Thank You For Your Sex
Feisty Woman
Met Another Frog
KB in NYC
The Urban Dater
How Very Lucky To Be A Girl
Miss Taylor Cast
Women Are From Mars
Totally Tyler
AV Flox
Single Much?
Confronting Love
Semper Augustus
My PixieBlog


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4 to “Love the One You’re With”


  1. LJ Maggie says:

    I completely agree with that concept. I am not in a monogamous relationship though I am a big fan of them. I have been in an open type relationship for over 5 years, mostly because we don’t want the same things. We don’t really openly talk about it, but we love and respect each other a lot and know what it is. I am all about “if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with”.

  2. NikkiB says:

    Oh…. monogamy. Such an interesting concept, really. Not that it’s wrong but… Well. Look at it this way. If the commitment you have with someone is strong enough, it shouldn’t be able to be challenged by someone else who is sexier than you are, or even better in bed. I mean, aren’t we all looking for the relationship that celebrates you for who you are? I have a lot to say on this topic… but not where my head is at right now.

    But – here’s a book I *need* to get: http://www.sexatdawn.com/
    NikkiB recently posted..Shock valueMy Profile

  3. jackie says:

    I remember when I was dating Tatania (LDR) her telling me: “when I’m away, fuck if you have to, but don’t fuck the same person twice.” I didn’t understand it then but in retrospect I understand what she was telling me. Have sex, but don’t form emotional connections.

    I never took her up on it, but I understand now how it works.
    JFB
    jackie recently posted..The CubeMy Profile

  4. Judah says:

    Well…my girlfriend and I acknowledge the truth that we stumble across attractive people everyday…but the love is there so we feel there is no need to cross the line or go out of our way to blur the lines.
    Judah recently posted..Mood Music Moment- Take Off Your CoolMy Profile


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