Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

He Flirts with the Furniture

I have no idea what made me think of him, now, but… the mind works in weird ways. I used to know this . It’s been over a decade since he left the city, and years since we lost touch. I think he might be living outside the US somewhere. None of which is relevant.

I have a very distinct memory of the night we met. It was at a party. A fairly large one. At an art gallery. We were introduced by a mutual friend and he started to flirt with me.

At which point, I think I actually rolled my eyes at him.

Whether or not I rolled my eyes at him, I made it clear from the start, that I wasn’t interested in . And that he’d have to find some other means of communicating with me. Which was unusual for him. This was a guy who flirted with everyone. Every woman, young or old.

Even, to a certain extent, all of men. He just had that kind of vibe, if you know what I mean.

I took to saying that he was such a flirt, he even flirted with the furniture. Flirting was basically his primary mode of communication.

I wasn’t having any of it. By the time we met, I was already in my late 20s, and fairly jaded. And while he was(and I’m sure still is) an incredibly handsome man, I wasn’t sufficiently impressed with his smile and charm to giggle like a school girl when he poured it on. So instead of us having a purely superficial interaction, we actually talked. About real-ish stuff. Work and life and the stuff that you think is important when you’re in your late 20s. And, over time, got to know each other.

I later realized that the smile and charm thing wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Yes, he got his way with a lot of people. And he got laid, a lot. But there were plenty of people who just wouldn’t take him seriously. He was a smart, ambitious man and a lot of people just wrote him off as a dumb, pretty boy.  Which, I gotta imagine, had to suck.

Anyway… I’ve been reading a lot of tweets lately about flirting. It seems like every 5 minutes there’s someone else offering advice on How to Flirt or the Importance of Flirting.  Maybe that’s why he came to mind.  Every time I see one of these I think, Really?

This is the great crisis of 2011 – people need help with flirting? OK, I get it. There are plenty of shy people out there. Fearful.

I’ve always thought that flirting was the easy part. A smile and a hello. Perhaps a compliment or some nonsensical small talk. Easy, breezy, and quickly over.  It’s the talking, having real conversations and relationships with people, that take effort.

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3 to “He Flirts with the Furniture”

  1. IntrigueMe says:

    Haha- oh goodness, I’ve got to be honest. I’m a total flirt as well. I can’t help it, I’m friendly and flirty and fun. Sometimes I get the same “dumb blonde” stare though, and it pisses me off. Certain people have actually acted surprised when they discovered I’m an intelligent person. I don’t think I’m anywhere in the realm of your man-friend, though.

  2. SecretSquirrel says:

    Maybe it’s the difference in the types of flirting? Some people are naturally great at the general flirting that makes everyone around them feel attractive and happy. Others want to flirt to indicate interest in another person romantically. I do both, but I’m WAY more intense with the second one. I love people and part of my flirting is just an indication of affection or friendliness. And you have to take account that with all the technology, it is easier to take time to think of something clever and complimentary, but in person, it is a bit tougher. Some folks have natural charm and can do the banter but others have to work at relaxing and enjoying the moment and they’re seeking out advice on how to do that.

    My 2 cents.

  3. Will says:

    I think for the shy folks out there, flirting isn’t the issue. I think it’s more about basic social skills/being able to talk to people, etc.

    It’s just marketed as “how to flirt.” Ultimately, it all comes down to communication, and some people just don’t know how to do it, let alone where to begin.

    And not just verbal communication. Flirting really is being able to communicate with your body, vibe and words… and have the acuity and attention to detail to see how that communication is affecting the other person… and adjust accordingly.
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