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I am woman, hear me rant

I got a call from a friend asking me if I could take the afternoon off, one day later in the week. She needed someone to go with her to the doctor. I said, yes, of course. But I was wondering, as I said it, why she was asking me. Why her husband wouldn’t be going with her.

And then she explained that she’d be having an . And that she wasn’t telling her husband.

They already had 2 beautiful, healthy children. Both under the age of 5. And both she and her husband had full-time, stressful jobs. They were struggling.

The challenges of being a wife and mother were hard for her, and she’d been in therapy for the past year.  And they’d also been in and out of counseling. She couldn’t cope with another child.

So I took that afternoon off and met her at the doctor’s office. A very pleasant place on the Upper East Side. And afterward we went for coffee, killing time until she had to pick up her kids from day care.  I never interrogated her. Never asked why I was there instead of her husband. Never asked her if she was planning to tell him.

I was her friend. She asked for my help and my support. Not my judgment.

So, why am I telling this story now?  Warning, I’m about to get preachy and political. Well, contrary to what most people think of when they think of abortion, my friend’s story is probably pretty typical. Almost 1 out of 3 in the US have an abortion before the age of 45.  The majority of them are already mothers. Women who understand, fully, what they are doing. For more facts, watch..

I’ve tweeted and facebooked about this in the past day, but woke up thinking that I needed to do more. To try harder to get people to pay attention. Even if it meant standing in the center of a shitstorm. For those of you who haven’t heard, the House passed HR3, a bill they disingenuously call the “No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act.”

There is no taxpayer funding for abortion in this country and hasn’t been since the Hyde Amendment in the 70s. What this bill will do, effectively, is pull all PRIVATE insurance coverage of abortion, as any plan that covers abortion will lose their tax credits.  In other words, they’re just making it even harder for women who need and want abortions to have them.  Not to mention also making it legal to deny life-saving care to pregnant women if it would require terminating the fetus.

So, I scrapped my planned post for today so that I could write about this here, too. Because I’m so utterly disgusted. I know this has little chance of passing in the Senate. But I’m disgusted nonetheless.


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8 to “I am woman, hear me rant”


  1. Rufus Dogg says:

    You would be appalled at the Heartbeat Bill the Ohio GOP is trying to shove through the Statehouse. It defines protected life at the moment a heartbeat is detected. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/03/30/ohio-abortion-heartbeat-b_n_842725.html

    It is reckless and irresponsible to govern based on myth and “common wisdom” instead of fact, yet Congress does this all the time. I wrote this piece you may be interested in (kinda long) http://www.dogwalkblog.com/i-sure-do-miss-the-smell-of-horse-dung.html about what is really going on with the GOP. Other than an insatiable thirst for power, I’m really not sure what is fueling this. But a lot of folks around here are cheering them on….

    But writing letters doesn’t help. They write back, thank you for your support, counting each letter as a ‘Yea” vote without reading it. And I suspect they dismiss blogging out of hand. We sent them to Washington to figure out this jobs thing and they spend their time legislating morality.

    Thank you for the video. I suppose it is easier for old white men to believe in a mythology wrapped around dirty, huddled masses of stupid teenagers than knowing it is their own wives and daughters having abortions.
    Rufus Dogg recently posted..Make it work why newspaper artists make the best designersMy Profile

  2. Wynn says:

    Let’s just hope that America won’t take a step back into the 1800′s. I get so sad.
    Wynn recently posted..MAY I ask wtfMy Profile

  3. I am amazed how our country has gone back in time. Shocked, really. Years ago when we celebrated Roe v. Wade I thought it was behind us- through the Clinton years I thought this was a fringe minority. Yet here we have it- people who want to force women to be human incubators. People who do not understand basic medicine, trying to project life into a fetus.
    Let me be clear- when I saw my son on the ultrasound (he was 12 weeks post conception) – my heart melted. I was convinced he was waving that flipper arm at me. So- I understand why someone’s heart can overtake their brain. I may not be as tough as I sound.
    But if anyone wants the government to do less, minimize taxes – then let that government stay out of the most private and heart wrenching decisions.
    You were a good friend, SG – a very good friend.

  4. J says:

    I cannot understand people who preach to others about abortion – and not allowing someone else to have the right to their own body. What does it matter to someone if a perfect stranger does not want a child? While I understand abortion should not be used as a contraceptive, I think if something goes wrong, you should have the right to one should you want it.

    Here in Australia, it’s illegal to have an abortion in most states; even in the case of rape. How is that right?

    If a person is not in a position to have a child, they have every right to not have one. I’ve never understood people going preachy about things which are really someone else’s personal business. You don’t want to have an abortion? Fine. Just don’t take it upon yourself to say no one else can either.

  5. NikkiB says:

    So much to say. I can get to “Amen” and that’s it at present.
    NikkiB recently posted..UpdateMy Profile

  6. Holly Vance says:

    I’ve never understood why people get so riled up about the choices of others. No one has to live with the decisions we make except us ourselves. The US government is supposed to make sure that its people have the freedom to be what they want to be and make the choices they want to make. As long as my choices don’t impose on the freedoms of another, keep your nose out of my life.

  7. VJd says:

    Yep, the stats are amazing & telling. Ditto for the ensuing cognitive dissonance too.

    Me? I’ve been a supporter of Choice for Decades. And yet? Other than 1 singular woman, (my wife), it’s never been anything other than perfectly irrelevant to most of the women I dated way back when. It was seen as ‘superfluous’ or ‘besides the point’. (For the wife, it was not her Most ‘salient’ issue either, however).

    All that ‘PC political crap’, was only tertiary, (if it actually entered in to Any consideration whatsoever), to the desires of the women at the time. Most of the ‘vital’ stuff they were (& are still) looking for came in the usual forms of stereotypical ‘requirements’ for ‘tall, dark, handsome & mysterious’ (see: Dark Triad of Traits: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_triad) and perhaps other more ‘important masculine requirements,’ (read: crank size, car value, or income above a certain level, etc).

    So I know some so called feminists just luv to mock & abuse such guys & things, but the answers are really pretty straight forward and direct. IF you want your political views to be better heard, understood or even (heavens forfend) prevail in the national argument? Please try Rewarding those who AGREE with your position. Try, just once, (maybe even once a year, if applicable), actually you know, Dating some of those oh so ‘dreadful’ ‘sensitive new age guys’? Or how about ASKING potential dates/BF/ Hubby’s where they stand on the issue? And then Rejecting those who disagree with you?

    For most gals? They’ll claim it’s ‘important’ to them, but it’s the furthest thing from their minds when it comes to ‘mating & dating’, and it remains ever thus. It’s like 2 separate worlds never the twain to meet. Those guys most women supporting ‘Choice’ actually Do Date, and those guys who staunchly support their right to bodily integrity.

    In my long association with the cause in not a few states, I’ve almost never seen any ongoing ‘pairings’ between choice supporting women & men involved in the movement. Plenty of interesting Lesbian couplings, rarely if any hetero. In fact more gay than that,and more women ‘cycled’ out of the movement by new & ‘less than enthusiastic’ hubby’s or BF’s.

    I know, a small but concentrated whine on dating blog not about such ‘issues’. You can go elsewhere to find such gents yes, virtually openly cursed on feminists blogs for their efforts and their ‘sick desires’ to find like minded women to date in the same circles. You’re still more likely to find a nice lesbian partner (or 2) than to ever get such ‘politically active feminists’ interested in such guys.

    So their choices still DO determine the future. How? That position as something seen as ‘important’ to any women DIES OUT. Why? It’s seemingly ONLY really important to women (or mentioned by them anywhere) when it’s threatened politically, (and usually Only when dramatically so). At any other time? It’s barely noticed, and almost never inquired about. If the guy’s ‘tall, cute & yummy’ it’s really Never asked.

    So Decades of such vital ‘reinforcement’ of such a ‘fleeting’ desire come into play. And the Choice position slowly erodes for a lack of substantial hetro Male support. Most married guys might support it, but like your friend, Expect their wives would let them be part of the decision, EVEN KNOWING it’s Ultimately & Legally her decision to make.

    So bottom line? In the more than 2 decades I’ve been personally involved in the issue of Choice? It’s only been important to many women in the relatively short ‘window’ when they were politically involved, and ONLY then when the right was openly threatened. And even then for a short period of time. Other than that? We rely on the staunch support of the brave older married ladies and of course the active lesbian & Bi community for day to day organizing & work!

    If women wanted to see this right protected in the future, they’d be getting more of their sons & daughters involved, AND they’d date mainly ‘Real pro-Choice’ men or make it a higher priority to do so. That’s the only real way to see that this right is not snuffed out. And unhappily, most feminists today scoff at this suggestion, and deny it’s any sort of a problem. All the while the support for abortion rights is sinking, gradually.

    Keeping it real. But thanks for the note & info. It’s always good to see. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’

  8. favorazzi says:

    wow,

    i dont understand why this is an issue, does it mean that majority of the women in your country are seeking abortions?

    its scary!
    favorazzi recently posted..Do First Impressions Really Matter?My Profile