Most of the guys I date are divorced. It’s not a matter of choice, just demographics. I mostly date older guys (and I’m 40). And a pretty high % of single guys in their 40s and 50s are divorced.
So, that said, I’d much rather a guy have a decent relationship with his ex. Especially if there are kids involved. If not a decent relationship, then at least not a hate-filled one. Especially if there are kids involved.
I know this from experience. I’ve dated guys who claim to be ‘best friends’ with their exes. Guys who had amicable break-ups and are friendly but rarely speak to their exes, and guys who were actively at war with their exes. I honestly don’t think I’d ever want to put up with the drama of a guy who was actively engaged in a bitter fight with his ex again. Regardless of how their relationship got to be that way, it’s lousy for whatever relationship you’re trying to build. In my experience.
Anyway, here’s one thing I’ve never mastered and I wonder how other people have dealt with it or would deal with it – what do you do when your new guy (or woman) is best friends with their ex? How do you manage/negotiate your relationship with said ex?
I know people who’ve built great friendships with their s/o exes. Which I think is amazing. Incredible. However, I’ve a hard time seeing/putting myself in that position – BFF with the ex.
So today’s post started out (weeks ago) as a poll. In my mind. But it never quite got there. So instead I’m just gonna be lame and ask you what you think/have done in the past? How do you deal with the ex: make friends, play peacemaker, stay out of the way?
Tags: breakups, choice, exes, fight, friends, guy, older men