Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

My Springtime Wish: A Man with a Plan

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – nothin is sexier than a man with a .

OK, so maybe I haven’t used those exact words (or maybe I did, who the hell remembers). But on my big list of turn-offs is guys who say things like, “let’s get together sometime this weekend.” And on my list of turn-ons is guys who actually come up with specifics like, “how about we get together for drinks at ____ on Friday night at 8pm.”

Dude B is pretty much guaranteed a date with me, even if I’m not that sure about him. because he’s a man with a plan. Whereas Dude A… Let’s just say I gotta really like him to accept that kind of vague nonsense invitation.

Which is all a prelude to today’s post about HowAboutWe (I’ve written about them before). Recently they did a little internal research and found out which kinds of dates were most likely to be successful.  And surprise, surprise – it turns out that I’m not the only person who likes the specifics to be worked out in advance.

Here’s their advice: Be Specific: Dates that involve doing something, such as eating at a specific restaurant or doing a specific activity, are 40% more successful than a ambiguous date ideas.  EXAMPLE: “How about we try and complete a jigsaw puzzle (500 pieces) while sampling one of Gorilla Coffee’s famous maple lattes?”

Another bit of their advice, that I also LOVE, is that 2-Part Dates Have the Most Success: 60% of the most responded to dates are two-fold: a short, active first part followed by a more intimate second location.  Example: “How about we practice our slices at the driving range then get some slices at my favorite brick-oven pizza joint – it’s just a few blocks away. This is completely keeping in line with my thoughts that you should never plan a first date that forces you to spend more than 20 minutes with a person. With a 2 part date, you can always bail after part 1 if you’re having a horrible time.  Kinda awesome.

So, as my regular readers know, I’ve been on a no dating kick. But this month’s nearly over, and I’m kinda over it. I miss dating. And now that spring is finally here, my spirits are up and I’m getting out more.  I was cruising the dates on HowAboutWe the other day and, well, I’m not going to get into any specifics but I’ll tell you all about it after the fact. Lucky for us all, HowAboutWe is offering a 33% discount on membership if you use this special discount code: SpringFun.

Happy dating.

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17 to “My Springtime Wish: A Man with a Plan”

  1. Marrie says:

    A man with a plan is sexy even past the dating phase. One of my pet peeves, is when “man-with-a-plan” suddenly turns into “whatever-you-want-to-do-guy”. I have ideas and do enjoy putting plans together, but get annoyed when I become the Julie McCoy of a relationship.
    Marrie recently posted..Man’s Speak- What men say and what men really meanMy Profile

  2. Lena says:

    Hahaha! A plan is definitely a good-feeling thing. I think many women would agree. However, within limits. If somebody told me “How about we try and complete a jigsaw puzzle (500 pieces) while sampling one of Gorilla Coffee’s famous maple lattes?” I would secretly think they are boring and may be even in dire need of a shrink….
    Lena recently posted..Perpetuum mobile of everythingMy Profile

  3. The Guerilla hardily endorses your premise, but with one exception: the plan is open to spontaneous modification. Women need structure–but need surprise even more.


    • Simone Grant says:

      “Women need structure.” Why not, people need structure. And some people need more structure than others. Some people need surprises….

  4. Queen Esther says:

    I like the whole idea of the 2 part dates. Kinda fits into the whole scheme of dinner & a movie or dinner & dancing.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Sure… but I think the whole idea of HowAboutWe is to get a bit more creative than dinner and a movie. But if dinner and a movie is what you like, than go for it!

  5. Totally agree. I hate the wishy-washy, don’t really want to commit type thing. It makes the guy seem as though he’s not really interested – or that he’s thinking (hoping?) something better will come along. I’m no one’s plan b, you know?
    Girl’s Got Shine recently posted..A picture is worth a thousand wordsMy Profile

  6. Liz says:

    This is another timely post for me. I recently met a man who is in his mid-forties but approaches dating like a twentysomething. It’s been almost a month since we first met (and he flirted heavily with me), but in that amount of time, we’ve exchanged a few emails, he’s called once, then a week after the phone call he invited me to one of his performances, then at the end of said performance he mentioned he might stop by my office to say hello sometime and that I should meet his dog. I’m intrigued by him but am ready to throw in the towel. I guess I’ve gotten too used to grown-up dating… as in, I meet someone, within a couple of days he asks me out for a real date, then he picks me up and takes me somewhere, etc.

  7. BeanThinking says:

    OMG, I couldn’t agree more! I too have recently met (and since have moved on from) a guy who wouldn’t make an actual honest to god plan unless I held a flame under his ass. Now, do I really want to get further into a relationship with somebody who can’t woo me and make a freakin plan? YOU ask ME out, MAKE A PLAN. He was also a serial texter, and the loudest kisser known to man. Ick. Having said that, all in all a nice person though, just not boyfriend material for me.

  8. Lennie Ross says:

    I agree with you, Simone. A man with a plan is a good thing. Two of my most memorable dates were men with plans. My first date in Los Angeles, the guy (hotter than hell) picked me up and took me to a shooting range… a very thematic “welcome to Los Angeles” date for a naive little Canadian girl like me (well, that’s what I was at the time). The second involved dinner and then going to pick up a few beer in K-Town (Koreatown in LA) and hit a Karaoke bar. He happened to be a most excellent singer… and most excellent at other things, I later learned. But, I have to say, women can also be at fault for the “duh, I dunno, what do you want to do”. Men don’t like heavily opinionated women, but they do like women to have an opinion… and they do like women to make suggestions.

  9. browolf says:

    My friend dated a guy who may be worse than the “man without a plan”. This one was a “man who sounded like he had a plan but when it came to the moment of action it had evaporated”. The hope he might actually deliver on a plan kept her in it for a quite a while.

  10. Ega says:

    I could not agree more! A man without a plan is as good as dead to me. Something about a man who doesn’t have a plan just screams “I’M BAD IN BED.”

  11. Trevor says:

    No-one likes a ditherer in a man. Very, very bad but sadly all too common in the modern young male. Suggest the venue – 90% of the time the woman will be happy with it, and even happier than you’ve suggested it. I agree with Ega — dithering means he’ll be bad in bed. All “Is that okay..” and “Is that okay…?” like they’re handling porcelain. Be a man and get on with it. Actually I wrote something about this, well, the dating bit not the sex bit fwiw