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Let Your Freak Flag Fly

Let Your Freak Flag Fly sex dating polls  woman screaming1

You want me to do what?

Recently, the lovely and talented Taylor Cast wrote a post for The Urban Dater called, You want me to do what!? Sexual Fetishes. In it she details the demise of a promising new-ish relationship when the guy she was seeing shared a very specific and ultra- fetish that was beyond her comfort zone.

Which got me to thinking…

I’ve been there. Yes, there, actually in almost the exact same place. Saying, gee you’re really great and I hope we can be friends but there’s no way in hell I’m going to do that.

And I’m guessing that Taylor and I are not the only ones. I’m guessing that this is actually not that rare of an occasion?

So here’s my question (you knew there was a question coming): Assume you’ve met some wonderful new man/woman, and they have a fetish.  Would you prefer they tell you about it right away, before you get to know them? Or would you rather get to know them pretty well, and then learn about the fetish?

Having been there, I absolutely positively would want to know right away. Maybe not on the first (as that would just freak me out) but certainly before we ever got naked together. I wouldn’t want to be lulled into a false sense of knowing him, only to learn somewhere down the line that he was essentially pretending to be someone he wasn’t/hiding a big part of his identity.  Plus, I wouldn’t want to get emotionally attached to some guy only to learn about his fetish and find out that we’re absolutely not compatible.

The logic on the flip side, I suppose, is that the guy in question is hoping that if you like/love him enough you’ll be game for just about anything. But there are limits to just how GGG a person can be expected to be?

So, would you want to know early on, or have him/her wait til you know each other well/had a strong relationship in place?  Thoughts?

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14 to “Let Your Freak Flag Fly”

  1. Kat says:

    I would definitely want to know early on. May be not the first time we sleep together but definitely very soon after that.

  2. jackie says:

    Her: I like pooping on people.
    Me: No shit!

    *check please*


  3. Taylor Cast says:

    like we said at lunch, that is what the internet is for. to find people who are into what you are into.
    Taylor Cast recently posted..California LoveMy Profile

  4. Jessica says:

    I am going to have to say I would want to know right away. Actually, I wouldn’t even mind it on the first date if it was put out there cleverly.
    Jessica recently posted..My two cents about Matchcoms new screening policyMy Profile

  5. Jerrard says:

    Actually I would like it to be surprise. Their fetish should be revealed to me as a surprise and they would actually be ready to do it on that date. Knowing beforehand is just boring.
    Jerrard recently posted..The Fated EncounterMy Profile

  6. I have to go with early on, but probably after initial sexy time activities. Having bedroom experience with someone would probably make me more amenable to entertaining his particular flavor of fetish. Assuming said bedroom experience was positive, of course.
    Dater at Large recently posted..Come AboutMy Profile

  7. Liz says:

    I’m gonna wanna know right away….don’t want to invest in something that’s not going to work out. Like this article..!!!

  8. NotYetCrazyCatLady says:

    As the title says..let your freak flag fly. I’d rather know up front, right out of the gate, rather than find out down the road that there is no way I can please you or make you happy. And you just never know how fast you fall for someone. Honesty is always best if you are looking to get into an intimate relationship with someone.

  9. VJ says:

    I’m thinking few have any real idea here. Which BTW? Was once very common too. I imagine that we’ve got no real idea just how common some of this ‘stuff’ is today.

    Scores of otherwise quiet little men, careful accountants, ‘good salary men’ hiding awful or merely embarrassing secret fetishes. The tales are legendary. That quiet man from NYC who kept an entire separate apartment out in the boroughs which he’d visit at least once a week to ‘commune’ with his extensive and enviously large women’s pump & exotic shoe collection. Ditto for the guys who are otherwise ‘hetero’ who like to ‘dress up’.

    How about swapping & ‘wife sharing’? Seemingly dramatically more common than anyone cares to recall today. Again, fairly easily ‘found’ evidently, and even advertised widely.

    Ditto for all sorts of much more personally ‘involved’ freakish behavior rather than ‘situations’, especially those that involve ‘excreta’ of some sort. (We’re guessing that’s what freaked out TC here). The fact that they feel the need to ‘introduce’ such aspects of their lives early on is likely an indication of how ‘normalized’ they think or expect such behavior to be treated in a relationship. So the only proper response is to thank them profusely, try & offer some easy & quick recommendations or referrals (‘Yeah old Doc Hopson was into that, but he left a journal behind at this site, quite illuminating’ even if unintentionally so for the 1960′s’).

    But really? In classic psychiatric literature, much of this could & were deeply hidden secrets until (typically) the gent died accidently (see: auto erotic asphyxiation:, or of natural causes (our shoe fetishist from the top).

    Overall, for the many I imagine it’s always been ‘others’ or the ‘spare piece on the side’, which can easily have much worse consequences or implications. But for much of this? (EXCEPT the AEA stuff?) Reasonably safe, even if more than a bit queasy for most perhaps.

    We even ran into a bunch of furries down here in Ga. at one of our few true ‘all night diners’ in Metro Atlanta. Very strange if mostly pleasant folks, and we had some great fun with the juvie waiter trying to explain to him what it was all about.

    We’re all wrapped a bit differently, and we need to try to relax and enjoy it all and get along. If you really want & desire to be or approach the ’3 G ideal’, we’ve all got to stretch the idea of tolerance a bit and try to understand better. Much of this really need not come up all too often, and is regarded by many loving couples as a rare treat they throw in for a once a year ‘event’. It’s not really what most of them are doing on a nightly basis, even if plenty of them seem a bit ‘over eager’ for the evident ‘denial’ of their secret natures. Which brings out the questions at all the wrong times, most likely. Cheers, ‘VJ’

  10. Tracey says:

    I would absolutely wanna know straight away! I am not a prude, but gee, there are just some fetishes I wouldn’t wanna touch, literally.

  11. LadyD says:

    Had this happen last summer; met a great guy, we were insanely attracted to each other, UNTIL I find out that what REALLY gets him off is watching his girlfriend/lover get boinked in front of him, and then he goes right after the first guy is done and “finishes.” *SIGH* Mind you, I’m 45, and have always been “GGG”, but FFS, if that’s the ONLY thing that gets someone off, then PLEASE leave the civilians alone and go find your lover on or something! UGH! To make matters worse, he wanted me to keep a running dialogue of tales of other guys I’ve been with while we werer having sex – um, that’s too much effin’ work, and I just want to enjoy the company of the person I’m with AT THAT TIME, and not be wracking my brain to come up with tales of past lovers – needless to say, I dumped him after that one and only time – UGH. Glad I knew right from the start!

  12. stevesw says:

    I would want to be informed about it before she starts into it. What’s off the chart…I know what I will say no to, and I want her to feel comfortable to say no. And no means no.

  13. Lennie Ross says:

    I’d say it’s best to find out early on. And of course a lot of other factors will come into play, how much you like him, was he good in bed (if you slept with him) and so on. But the earlier the better!

    Lennie Ross
    Lennie Ross recently posted..Top 5 Online Photo Don’ts For MenMy Profile

  14. Black Iris says:

    I think the idea of being GGG is way overrated. You are what your are and if you aren’t going to enjoy something, why do it?

    I have sympathy for the person with the fetish, though – what if you tell the person and they laugh or act horrified? What if they blab about you to your neighbors or co-workers? So what about putting the question the other way round – should you on a first date up and announce what you wouldn’t do? Should people be expected to say, well, I don’t have any fetishes or I’m mostly vanilla?