listen all y’all it’s a sabotage!

So remember yesterday when I said I was kinda back and I’d do my best to keep things normal. Um… Sorry this is going up so late today.

Lucky you, today’s another fab guest post – this time from a relative newcomer - beanthinking, who describes her blog as “random musings of a 30-something single girl, living and dating in Vancouver.” Enjoy.

listen all y’all it’s a sabotage!

Sabotage is something that a lot of people have experienced in their relationships, either on the giving end, or the receiving. Me, I have been unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end recently. I suppose each time you go through something like that, at least you can remind yourself that you can take your lessons from it and move on. But seriously, I have to admit I’m really getting sick of learning these things this way! Anyhoo, moving on.

Sometimes people look back on their relationships, and they come to realize that they have sabotaged, but may not have even been aware of it at the time. While others knowingly undermine their relationship because they are unhappy and make a conscious decision to do something to cause it to end.

For folks who fit in the former category, you really need to step back and look at the reasons behind why your sabotage. Much of what could be responsible, among many others, is projecting your past into each relationship. This will only continue on in each new relationship until you decide to investigate why, and make a concerted effort to change, and only then will you be on your way to a healthy relationship.

For those who fall into the latter category the story is entirely different, at least in my opinion. And I may be biased, but I feel my opinion on this matter is somewhat warranted, since I’ve just been through it – did I mention it was the receiving end? Ok, just making sure.

Alright, for all you saboteurs in the house, if you find yourself in a relationship where you are truly not happy, no longer inspired, bored, whatever, you have choices available to you, but it’s up to you to do the right thing. Sadly, some people find simple honesty and open communication to be too emotionally taxing of a choice to go with. As an alternative, some resort to all sorts of devious options, hoping that the other person will get to their breaking point and end the relationship. Either way, it comes down to choice. Just like it was my choice to get outta dodge when I finally stumbled upon all the things going on in my relationship that I didn’t know about. Best decision I ever made, and I never once doubted it was the right call. I respect and love myself way too much to put up with cheating, lying, and deceit. There’s just some things that, to me, aren’t worth working through.

Everything we do as adults is a choice, and if you want to go the route of intentional sabotage, then that is what YOU decided, nobody can force you to make that choice. And if you ask me, which maybe you didn’t, but you ARE reading this, so…. my opinion on intentional sabotage is that it’s the coward’s way out. There, I said it.

But picture this – let’s say you decide to come forward with honesty and respect to end a relationship, just imagine how that might feel. Feels like being grownup, right? Yeah! Sure, the relationship will end, and there will be hurt and sadness around that, that’s a given. But imagine how you’ll feel about yourself being able to walk away knowing you did the right thing, and didn’t go out of your way to hurt somebody else. You will both be happy for that when you look back on it.

I heard a great quote today, and aside from that I think it came from a Dexter episode, it still resonated with me, and now I will share it with you – you are so lucky, hey?

Never lie to someone who trusts you; never trust someone who lies to you.

Just consider it, that is all.