Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

So Your Friend is Cheating…

So Your Friend is Cheating... just a story  iStock 000002252632XSmall 300x199First off, I’m kinda back. Thanks so much to my amazing friends (especially Jack)who stepped in to keep the blog running while I took a few days off.  I’ll do my best to keep things more or less normal around here from now on, but no promises. All I can do is my best.

So, yesterday I was catching up on some of my favorite blogs and came across this post on Naked With Socks On – Should I Tell My BFF His Girl Is Cheating? It describes a very specific situation: finds out that a colleague had a thing with his best friend’s girl. The advice was to tell, and most of the comments were along those lines.

I’ve never been in that specific situation. But I have been in the position of knowing that a friend or friend’s significant other is . Many times.  I’ve had to sit at dinner with a couple, who I’ve known for years, with the knowledge that one of them is cheating on the other.

And.. I’ll be honest, I’ve never told.  And, in general, I don’t think I ever would. In any situation. I tend to believe it’s best to stay the fuck out of other people’s bedrooms.

What I won’t do is lie for people. I’ve had friends ask me to be their alibi (you know, tell X I’m with you if he calls).  Again, I believe it’s best to stay the fuck out of other people’s bedrooms. I won’t tell, but I won’t lie on your behalf.

Maybe this makes me a ?  I don’t know.

Anyway, I’m curious about you folk. No fancy poll today because I just don’t have the time for it.  Plus, I’m more interested in the nuances here.  How have you reacted when you’ve learned of friends’ infidelity?  Have you ever told anyone that they were being cheated on? Would you?



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18 to “So Your Friend is Cheating…”

  1. Mel says:

    I’m in the same “bedroom” as you: it’s none of my business what you do in your bedroom (or in someone else’s), but do NOT make me a player in your game.

    People cheat for a variety of reasons. And to be frank, what is considered “cheating” in some traditional relationships might not be so for another. But I will NEVER lie on your behalf if you decide to be deceitful about it. End of story.
    Mel recently posted..PT Protect the PenisMy Profile

  2. Samantha says:

    OMG. Have I been here. Well, actually I haven’t, but i have been in the position of “I know something about your significant other and I want ot tell you but I know I shouldn’t.” Because like you said, and I agree, “stay the fuck out of other people’s bedrooms.” (I actually love that quote!)

    I think it does depend on the friendship tho. If I was really close to one party, I might tell them… I would want them to do the same for me.

  3. Pet says:

    I once told someone that she was being cheated on and she called me a liar and it ruined our friendship. Never again. Let them find out on their own or not at all.

  4. Jasmine says:

    I agree with you. I wouldn’t tell in most cases but I would NEVER lie. Let them find out on their own, because like the above commenter nobody likes the bearer of bad news. However, I don’t know how I’d feel if one of the couple was in a particularly vulnerable situation or if the one being cheated on was a very good friend.

  5. Panther says:

    When my best friend of 18 years cheated on her gf (they got back together), with a guy (she’s bisexual), I chose to keep my mouth shut because hey… my loyalty is to my best friend and I wasn’t that familiar with her significant other. Thing is, what caused the whole thing to explode, is when my bestie asked me to lie for her. I won’t go into details but it all went wrong and a disaster ensued. lol Now that they’re back together, I told her to get someone else to do her dirty work if she ever finds the need to go get her fix of schlong or another kittie. lol I learned my lesson. Never. The. Fuck. Again.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I know a few couples where the cheating became exposed and they stayed together. Good for them as far as I’m concerned. People should do what works for them and makes them happy. Just leave me out of it.

  6. Kat says:

    If I had actual proof – like I saw the other one out on a date – and the one being cheated on was a really close friend (like my BFF or something) I think I would say something. I’ve never been in that position so I’m not sure, but I think I would. I certainly see your point and the point of others but I’d rather my BFF hear the bad news from me than someone else.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I think a lot of people are with you on this. If you see the post on NWSO the majority seems to go with telling. That’s just not what I’m comfortable with.

  7. Sam says:

    I would tell in some very specific situations. If it was my best friend that was being cheated on, I would want him/her to tell me, so I would return the “favour.” Otherwise, I’d keep my mouth shut.

  8. Black Iris says:

    This is a great big “it depends” for me. If the person who was being cheated on was a close friend, yes, absolutely I would tell them what I knew. I might first try to find out if they would want to know and what they already knew, but I would tell them.

    I think not telling can be a form of lying, especially if the person would want to know.

    I wouldn’t be able to eat dinner with someone and act normal if I knew a secret like that.

    If a friend were cheating, I don’t think I would go tell their partner, but I would be pushing my friend to talk to them. Also, like I said, I might not be able to keep the secret even if I wasn’t planning to tell.

  9. Terry D. says:

    Not my business…….PERIOD end of story. The truth does not need me to broadcast it, reality will always find its way to your heart. Love is one place where I cannot take the bullet for you.
    Terry D. recently posted..Late DateMy Profile

  10. Hang says:

    I would definitely confront the person who is doing the cheating and ask what is going on. Granted, it is none of my business but the fact that I know, it means that I know these people well enough and don’t want either one get hurt.
    And if it is a close friend, I would tell the person who is doing the cheating that he/she has 2 options: 1. either tell the significant other or 2. I will.

  11. Lauren says:

    I had a friend who cheated on her Husband when I was 20-21, I let her use me as an alibi on more than one occasion, not knowing any better at the time. After a few months she got so paranoid that I would tell her Husband, that she started planting little seeds in his head about me being crazy and being a liar, I’m supposing so if I told him he wouldn’t believe me, etc.

    After a few months I met the guy who is now my Husband who decided I shouldn’t hang around someone who was so willing to cheat (birds of a feather type logic), I agreed, not only because of the cheating, but b/c of all the lies she was telling about me.

    In the end I lost a friend, but at least I also got out of the drama and learned the lesson to not get involved in other peoples business, and luckily I learned that lesson while I was still young enough to not look like a jack ass.