Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

In Love with Love

Here’s a random thought to start your week off with a ?: Some people claim to be “in ” many times during their lives. Elizabeth Taylor is an obvious example although I can think of several people in their 30s who’ve already used, “in ” to describe at least a half-dozen relationships, or more. While other people only fall in once or twice (or never).

Why the disparity?  Are the people in the latter group, those for whom romantic love is rare, doing something that prevents them from falling in love?  Do they have emotional barriers? Deep psychological issues?

Or are the people who repeatedly fall in love (with new people) just more open to the experience and/or more aggressively seeking it out?

Perhaps this is not an either/or question.  Maybe there is a bit of both going on. Or a lot of both.

There’s a reason this is on my mind. Not too long ago, someone told me that he was, “in love with love.” Ever since I’ve been pondering what that might mean, in practical terms. A person who’s in love with love would be, I’m guessing, anxious and uncomfortable without someone to love. S/he would be more likely to want/need a partner. And to focus on that romantic relationship as a priority. I’m guessing.

So, are they also likely to see love where others might not?  Would a person who is ‘in love with love’ be more likely to be ‘in love’ with a person they’ve just met, instead of merely infatuated?

Obviously, I have a side here. I am so NOT in love with love. I have experienced it. And do hope to one day fall in love again. And if that happens, I’d like to think I’ll do a better job of getting it right. You know, fall for someone more appropriate, take it slow, all that good stuff. But rather than being anxious to fall in love again, I’m cautious with my heart. I don’t necessarily see love as a great big party that I’m dying to get into.

Not sure any of that makes any sense. Perhaps I need to make a chart to represent the seemingly random distribution of love in the world?

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11 to “In Love with Love”

  1. Dazediva says:

    Great insight.
    I’m with you on this. I’ve been in Love before. I’d like to feel that feeling again. I’d probably do things differently too this time around.

    As much as I like the idea of being in love; I’m not ‘in love with love’ .. the side & after effects of love also include pain, anger, blow to the ego, and other things that aren’t so ‘lovey’. I’m open to love; as long as my seat belt is on ! (but then am I being cynical ?) oh well !

  2. C says:

    Truth. To all of this. In my experience, those that are in love with love struggle to be single, to find happiness with themselves, from within. Love is harsh and difficult. I’ve been in love, and it was a beautiful nightmare. THAT is cynical, but until I know I can do it better the next time around – do it healthier, I’m more than happy being in love with the love I have for my family, friends and myself (and my blogging community, of course!). :)

  3. C. Fassett says:

    Excellent points, all. Personally, I realized a long time ago that I can’t control love, and decided to just surrender to it, and let IT teach me from within. Perhaps that’s what your friend meant. I have learned in that practice there are many colors to love, and that there is a greater Love behind all those shades and colors. The most important lesson I learned, however, is to continue letting love shed through my own heart, to keep my heart open, like C mentioned. Sometimes recognizing we still love someone is the thing we need to help us heal, say goodbye, and move on.
    C. Fassett recently posted..Change is GoodMy Profile

  4. Sandyvs says:

    Here is what I’ve come to realize about love for myself. I have not been in love many times, but I have had different ‘depths’ of love. My strongest, deepest love was when I thought that even if he lost his arms and legs I would STILL want to be with him. That revelation was a pleasant shock to me because I didn’t think I was capable of having that kind of love for anyone.

  5. Marrie says:

    I am one of those girls who say that “I’m in love with love”. This sappy part of me has actually helped me to appreciate the difference between infatuation and love. Being in love with love does not necessarily doom you to a life of relationship bouncing, for once you experience the high of true love, you can and are more willing to hold out for the REAL deal, acknowledge when it’s not, and more readily walk away from a relationship that would eventually fizzle out anyways. I have spent periods alone, unattached, and felt very secure in single status. My romantic notion of “being in love with love” helped me to not settle for anything less than grade-A love rather than some imitation.

  6. Angelica says:

    My boyfriend and I talk about this all of the time. I am late 20-something and he is the first and hopefully, the one person I have ever been in love with. I was never “in love with love.” I was oddly logical about dating–I knew that the people I dated at younger ages were probably not going to be the people I married, so I kept myself at a distance. I had no idea what it meant to be in love and I didn’t really care to find out. In past relationships, boyfriends would tell me to go to therapy and discuss my issues about my dad leaving when I was younger because surely I must be a commitment phobe and surely that must be the reason I am not falling in love with them. Turns out they just weren’t the right ones and I knew it.
    I do, however, have other girlfriends who consistently seem to “fall in love” with whatever long term boyfriend they are dating. They genuinely devote themselves to the relationship and always give 110%. And it leaves me wondering are they just more open to love or are they just “in love with love.”

  7. IntrigueMe says:

    I definitely think it’s both. I’ve been in love twice but they were very different kinds of love… there was my “first love” aka my first real boyfriend, and my ex fiance. I thought I was in love once in between them but I realized a few years later that I was in lust, not love. I have dated many other guys and was always very level headed about my feelings for them… meaning, I knew I didn’t love them and that I probably never would… even if I “liked” them a lot.

    I’m definitely not in love with love, either. I think some people need to be “in love” to feel worthy and confident. I firmly believe that people should know how to be happy with just loving themselves. Then again, perhaps the people who allow themselves to love so freely get to experience more because they are open to it.

    Nah, I take that back. If you go around loving everybody then how do you know when you’ve truly met someone special?

    Oh geez, so many contradictions. I could write an entire post about my thoughts on this.
    IntrigueMe recently posted..Beyond My ControlMy Profile

  8. Everybody is free to love however feels or wants. Me for example I’m not in love with love, I have a relationship for 3 years and we are open and communicate very much, I guess this is the key, not to persecute your lover and try to give him freedom.

  9. I’m with you – I’m definitely not in love with love. I could do without it most days, actually (except for the love of my son, of course).

    I think you’re right, though. Some people may just be more open to the feeling itself while some people are so intent on finding it that they define it differently so they can say they’ve felt it? If we can figure it out I have a feeling it would be better than money in the bank!
    Memoirs of a Single Dad recently posted..The Dating Game – Bi the WayMy Profile

  10. Lennie Ross says:

    I definitely have friends who are in love with the idea of being in love over rather than in love with the guy they’re “currently with”.

    And is it better to be married 7 times or never married at all? I wonder :)

    Lennie Ross
    Lennie Ross recently posted..The Top 7 Bedroom Moves That Will Rock Her WorldMy Profile

  11. Nice article! Some people are in love with the thought of being in love!