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Instantly Breakupable Offenses (With Apologies to VSB)??

As I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, I lurve the site VSB. They crack me the up. Today they did a post on Instantly Breakupable Offenses, which reminded me of a conversation I had recently, where I was basically accused of being a pushover because I said I wouldn’t automatically break-up with a who cheated on me (more on that chat another time, as it was recorded as a ).

So, naturally, I started to think about what would be an instantly breakupable offense, for me. The VSB list doesn’t really fit (my mom’s dead and I might have applauded a guy who had the balls to curse BACK at her when she was alive).

So, my list… not cheating. I think relationships can get past that. Not lying. It’ll piss me off to no end, but I’ve been known to get past that, too.

The only thing that comes to mind, honestly, is being intentionally mean to me. In other words, behaving in a way (whatever that might be) that I’ve already said is hurtful. That I’ve already said causes me pain. And doing it anyway. Knowing it will cause me additional pain. And hurt.

Intentional meanness.

Yep, that’s all I got. Other than violence, which is just a GIVEN.

So clearly I’ve got a lack of imagination, here.  What about you? What are your instantly breakupable offenses?


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20 to “Instantly Breakupable Offenses (With Apologies to VSB)??”

  1. Clara says:

    You can get past someone cheating on you but at the same time someone being intentionally mean is a breakupable offense. But, isn’t cheating on your partner intentionally mean? Your partner knows that it will hurt you, but they do it anyways.

  2. C. Fassett says:

    Finding out my partner is a child molester. No contest. No doubts. He’s gone.
    C. Fassett recently posted..A Song RisesMy Profile

  3. Kelly says:

    Yes to that – intentional meanness. I think also, prejudicial hatred – racism and bigotry, homophobia, are a dealbreaker for me – just another kind of meanness, I guess.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I guess I assume that I’d know those things way before it would be time to break up (in other words, I wouldn’t be dating someone who was racist, homophobic, etc). But IF – yes.

  4. Sam says:

    It’s not the cheating that would do it for me, it’s the humiliation. If he did it on a trip abroad with a random, that’s one thing. If he stepped out with a mutual friend at a party (yes, this has happened to me), then it’s OVER.

    As for being mean, I would take it one step further… if he’s disrespectful in any way, and I call him on it, and he is flippant about it… buh-bye!!

  5. Hurting and disrespecting animals.
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  6. Liz says:

    After rebounding from another relationship gone sour via the disappearing act, I just went on several dates with a guy who I was incredibly excited about. We had tons in common and never ran out of things to talk about and had meaningful conversations that went on for hours. I spent all day getting ready for our last date– bought a sexy new dress, showered, shaved my legs, got a pedicure, cleaned my house, etc. The date went really well and at the end of it he got that dress off me quite fast. Afterwards, though, he said we might not be a “fit” because he likes a woman to be “groomed” down there. Basically, I think he was really turned off by the fact that I don’t wax off my pubic hair. We had a discussion about it in which I explained my hesitancy to do so without outright refusing to consider it.

    Anyway, I haven’t heard a word from him again (it’s been three days), so I guess that is his instantly breakupable offense? It’s almost impossible for me to believe that someone would ditch such a promising relationship over pubic hair, but he’s already back on the dating sites (and posting about it), so I guess that is the case. I find the whole thing ridiculous and sad and wonder what this guy would do if he was ever dating a woman who encountered something serious, like breast cancer. Anyway, it definitely killed my libido to know that he found that part of me so unappealing.

    Sometimes I wonder how I ever find the fortitude to keep dating.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I don’t think that any man who wants a REAL relationship is going to break things off for that. As for finding the fortitude to keep on dating – we all struggle with that sometimes. Believe me!

  7. NikkiB says:

    I think I agree with Kelly – bigotry, racism, misogyny, homophobia… all these are breakup-able offenses, but also kind of meanness.

    I agree with you, Simone – I think some things seem big enough, but a lot of them I’d want a convo first. Such as cheating, lying… I feel like they spell doom for any relationship, but I’d need to be in it to know.

    Also – a friend of mine dated a guy who had not a piece of real dishware in his house. EVERYTHING was disposable. And he understood the consequences, he just didn’t care – he’d rather not do dishes. I almost passed out when she told me. That kind of educated wastefulness? I’d say immediate break-up.
    NikkiB recently posted..“The One”My Profile

  8. NotYetCrazyCatLady says:

    I don’t understand why cheating isn’t a break-upable offense. For me, cheating is a HUGE break-upable offense. If ranking, it would be a tie for #1 between cruelty to animals and pedophile, all of which would lead to immediate relationship termination, possibly along with loss of some of his body parts. Yes, cheating is a selfish act but do we really want to waste our time on someone who thinks only of their own needs/wants to the exclusion of how their actions affect someone whom they profess to be ‘in a relationship’ with? Not me. Life is too short. I’d rather be alone than with someone who cheated on me. The lack of trust and suspicion would kill the relationship over time anyway.

  9. Black Iris says:

    I think if you’ve ever cheated or wanted to cheat or come close to cheating, it’s easier to forgive cheating. The circumstances would also make a huge difference. The other big factor would be had they been faithful to you for a while before they cheated.

    I’m not sure about intentional meanness. I think when couples really get fighting, they do try to hurt each other and say the things they know will hurt. The other thing that happens is that there are things you really hate that you tell your partner you hate but that somehow they can’t seem to stop doing. So I guess for me it would depend on how mean and exactly why they were being mean.

  10. single much says:

    The majority of my friends in NYC so I’d have to say homophobia for sure. They would last all of five minutes.
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  11. Lennie Ross says:

    Funny, I was just talking about this subject the other day with one of my friends. And I came to the same conclusion as you. Mean-spirited behavior. If a man is constantly teasing me, or belittling someone else, it is an indication of his insecurity and I also think instability (proclivity to violent behavior/rage). The other quality I find unacceptable is rudeness – particularly to people in the service industry. Having been in the service industry myself, I truly appreciate how hard waitresses, maids, taxi drivers, etc work. Nobody is better than anyone else, and if a man thinks he is, and has to squash others to prove it, he’s not the man for me.

  12. Louise says:

    I used to say cheating, but I learned that cheating only means there is more wrong beneath the surface and sometimes it is fixable.

    I would say any type of abuse. I’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship so I think if I started to see signs of that again I’d recognize it quickly and bust out of there. Also, lack of support. If someone didn’t support and respect my career or hobby choices. I mean, I guess that can be summed up with not appreciating who I am… but I think sometimes people are into you even if they don’t care or like your job… that’s a no-no. I love my work… they best be loving it about me too!