Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me

Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me just a story  3704385306 07cf66a476 mAs a recent post in Metanotherfrog reminded me, some kisses are more memorable than others. This is a story of a memorable .

I was with a guy, kissing. Well, we were doing more than kissing. All of a sudden I felt him biting my tongue. BITING. My tongue.

Not playfully nibbling. Biting.

Now, before I continue on with this story let me say a few words on this. I’m not going to pretend to be an on anything. So I can’t say, for sure, whether this is an uncommon occurrence. But I have kissed more than a couple (dozen) boys/men in my life and this was the first time anyone forcefully bit my tongue. And it was unpleasant.

So I stopped kissing him and said, “You’re biting my tongue.” Yeah, I know, genius.

I can’t recall his reply but it was something like, “So? I like it.” And then he tried to go back to kissing me.

I pulled away, determined for whatever reason to discuss the tongue biting.

At which point I told him (I remember using this word) that the tongue biting was ODD.

Again, he ignored me and tried to go back to kissing, and I let him. Until he bit me again. So I pushed away and asked him, hadn’t anyone else ever mentioned that the tongue biting was odd.

He said no.

Which I found/find very hard to believe. Both that no one had ever said anything. And that no one had ever found it odd (and really, really unpleasant).

Which is, I think, the topic of the post. How a person can go years doing something that seems perfectly normal to him/her. A turn-on, even. When that very same thing can be a total oddity to his/her partners. And no one says anything. And then randomly someone will say – hey, stop that.  That’s odd.

It makes me wonder…  why did no other woman say anything?  Is it “normal” for people in situations like that to speak out, or do people usually just ignore whatever is making them uncomfortable or unhappy and hope it will be over soon?

AND, if the norm is to just ignore the stuff that makes you uncomfortable and unhappy, is that why there are so many bad lovers in the world? Because no one ever said, “Um, please don’t do that. It doesn’t feel good.”

Random: I couldn’t resist sharing this, The Kiss from The Cure.

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19 to “Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me”

  1. annie says:

    wow, that IS odd. I can’t imagine NOT saying anything if that were to happen to me! I wonder how that date ended..

    • Simone Grant says:

      LOL, I KNOW. I seriously cannot imagine a guy getting to his mid 40s and never hearing any negative feedback on thing like that, but that’s what he said.

  2. PYT says:

    There was a guy I dated, a surgeon, who while he was hot and successful was terrible to kiss…why? Well, he would LICK me…I’m not talking about playful licks like on your earlobe or neck…I mean full blown licking…I felt like I had to dry off my ear, neck, face…whatever part he managed to get his tongue on and it was awful. The first couple of times I didn’t say anything since I didn’t want to offend him. Eventually I had to stop seeing him because I started feeling like I was dating a puppy.

  3. DeeJay2011 says:

    Okay first off – LOVE LOVE LOVE The Cure. Great random side bar!!! If Robert Smith wanted to bite my tongue I would let him! ;)

    Tongue biting – yep had that tried on me. Granted I was like 15 at the time. I believe I had almost the same reaction. Tongue sucking too – that was felt like my tongue was being taken hostage. But this was all when I was younger though. As adults one would hope that everyone’s “skills” should be more finely honed than in our younger, more experimental years!

    Most recently has been the “crazy hickey guy”. That got old quick. They were more like big bruises then hickeys though. I got sick of scarves, turtle necks and concocting makeup mixtures and finally had to say something. Had I known in the moment it would leave that kinda mark I would have said something…hence it continued longer than it should have as I felt weird “discussing it” a day or two later (and he seemed to really, really like it! lol).

    • Simone Grant says:

      It’s one of the those things, if you don’t say something right away, it’s harder with each passing day and each passing time. Strange that.

  4. Chaz says:

    Sounds like a bad hannibal wannabe. Maybe you were lucky and your tongue tasted bad so you got the chance to complain whereas some of the other victims never had the chance to tell him how much of a weirdo he is. I’ll pass on the tongue biting, but tongue sucking…well there’s been some good tongue suckers in my experience!

  5. Raina says:

    Sad…sounds to me like this goes in the same file as men who get to be over the age of 30 with no skillz….. Or bad skillz. somehow, no one’s ever told them! Or asked anything of them! And usually they think they are being seductive and dominant with their bad skillz! Its ridiculous. And sad.

  6. C. Fassett says:

    Lol, I’d have to say something if some guy began biting my tongue. Yep, odd. However, I have encountered the slobber kisser and didn’t say anything. Of course, I didn’t see him again either.

  7. Wynn says:

    Uhm, like the dude that started giving me “gum massage” with his tongue when we made out. Seriously. He rubbed his tongue over my upper gums, and then proceeded to tell me that no girl has ever said that they didn’t like it. He’s obviously lying, or only have made out with girls that are afraid to say no. He tried making out with me a couple of times more, but yeah.. no.

  8. NikkiB says:

    Yes, yes, and yes.

    I fully believe there are a lot of people out there, men and women, that just keep their mouths shut when it comes to anything from kissing to sex. And, lo and behold, we wonder why there are so many people out there who think everyone else likes their tongue bitten (although I’m sure there are some who do) or think they know where the clitoris is (they don’t).

    It also adds to our insecurities about sex (thus it becomes a positive feedback loop). If we were more open about sex, and it was OK for us to say “hey let’s try this” as a normal part of our sex lives, then maybe we’d realize we didn’t need to take constructive criticism as an insult and become more insecure. Or be afraid we’d hurt someone else’s feelings. Or that we weren’t supposed to speak up during sex. Etc.

  9. browolf says:

    I dated a woman once who never complained about literally anything, nor for that matter stated she wanted anything different than what she was getting. But clearly something was amiss as she broke up with me after 6 months. Her method of breakup: no explanation, block me on social networks & refuse to talk to me ever again. ~ passive.

  10. Jobo says:

    oh wow, seriously?! NOBODY has told him that before? He must be lying. Or the women he dated had no backbones or no concept of what’s normal. WEIRD!

  11. I recently told an EX that he was a jackhammer and needed to work on expanding his sexual repertoire and to think more about what feels good to the woman. Oh, he was totally insulted and couldn’t believe it. He wanted to do it again to convince me what a great lover he truly was. Yeah right.

    I have a theory:

    Either the guy has a big dick and thinks that’s all it takes to please a woman and therefore doesn’t LISTEN when women try to coach them into using better skills,

    Or he’s really good looking and has never had a woman complain about his lack of skills because he was so hot…