Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Stop Wagging Your Finger at Me

I didn’t want to write this post. In fact, just yesterday I said that I was not going to write this post.

But here I am… writing it. Because I’m just that irritated. I’m so annoyed, in fact, that I’m pretty damn close to doing a mass purge of my twitter account. Because I don’t think I can stand to read another word of this nonsense.

Excuse, blame, fault…it’s seems I can’t go an hour on twitter without reading something with one of those words, related to dating and being .

So much negatively. And, in many cases, hostility, towards dating and single people. I realize that a lot of the darkness is self-loathing in disguise. Whatever, I kinda don’t care what’s causing people to spew forth this crap.

Yeah, I called it crap.

I have no excuse for being single. I don’t need one. Because it’s NOT A BAD THING. I’m not blaming it (my single-ness) on anyone, nor do I think you should blame it on me.

Yes, there are many singles who are conflicted about being single. They’re struggling with their identity, in the same way that many married people struggle with their identity (this isn’t what I thought married life would be like..) and divorced people… The world has changed a lot since were were kids. Few peoples’ lives turned out the way they thought they would. Smart people acknowledge that and move on. Others point fingers and look for scapegoats.

Click on a news site, people. Read a real book. Feed your mind something with substance. There are lots of single people in the world. Demographic trends show that there will be even more of us in the future.  Deal with it.


17 to “Stop Wagging Your Finger at Me”

  1. Jobo says:

    AMEN!!!! I love this, because it’s true. there is NOTHING wrong with singledom. I loved my single time. Sure, I love my time with M now too, but being single was one of the best things to happen to me.

  2. Twitter can be a lot like high school. There are all sorts of services that measure influence but none that measure the emotional maturity of those tweeting. More people would be happier if they accepted things as neutral, neither good or bad, just is. PS If you do a mass purge of your twitter account, please keep me.

    • Simone Grant says:

      :-) I’ve always thought that twitter is a lot of Jr High School. And YES, well said, more people would be happier if they accepted things as neutral, neither good or bad.

      And I’d never purge you.

  3. Dazediva says:

    Another great post Simone. I totally hear you. There is nothing wrong with being single. It gives you time to discover the inner you; who you are; what you really enjoy etc

    Society puts a lot of pressure on relationship status and it can be pretty unnerving for some. But lets all wake up and smell the coffee here; sure it’s fun to be in relationship; but before you can enjoy and appreciate the company of someone else you must learn to be able to do that for yourself – and the best time to discover ‘you’ is when you’re single. If you can enjoy being single, you can enjoy any relationship too.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Thanks darling. I understand that there are people who don’t like being single. And they have every right to dislike it and want something different for themselves.

  4. (Hear that roaring sound?) There can be no personal affront to you, if asses with thumbs want to moan about how pitiful their lives are, how frustrated they are made on account of the scourge, so-called “single people”. Let them moan. You hear this sort of thing all the time, so why does it get to you right now? You have nothing to defend. You write a great story, you are honest about your thoughts and have the admiration and respect of the ranks and files of us, your dedicated readers. Non Illigitimi Carborundum, dear. (That is us, roaring for you.)

    • Simone Grant says:

      :-) And this is me grinning. I appreciate everyone’s support. It means a lot. As for why it got to me now, it feels as though there’s been a new mini-avalanche of this stuff lately. Or maybe I’m just in a sensitive mood.

  5. Wilmaryad says:

    The only reason I’m fed up with being single is my desire to DATE till I DROP! You, dating singles, have the most fun … I tell ya. I’m tired of being a Susan-Boyle single. I wanna date. I wanna date. I wanna daaaate! *expires*

  6. Tylar says:

    shout out to single! keep on keeping on, girl.

  7. Just started reading your blog and following you on Twitter! Great work! :) I totally GET this blog entry. I get tired of hearing,

    ‘You’re not married? You’ve NEVER been married? No kids?… You’re pretty, you’ll meet someone!’ People mean well, but it can get pretty annoying. I have had enough boyfriends. It just hasn’t worked out to the point that I’ve gotten married and had babies. OH WELL.

    The grass is greenest where you water it. Most of my married friends in their 30’s are on marriage #2. No lie. And the ones with children are envious of my single life and ability to up and go to Hawaii for 3 weeks if I want. Or lie on the couch and read a book all Saturday afternoon if I so choose. So even though people sometimes seem to pity those of us who haven’t had the guy drop down on one knee and offer a diamond solitaire, they also wish they could still have the perks that us single folks have :)

  8. NikkiB says:

    Dear god. I am glad I don’t have your tweet stream! 😉

    How about we just stop judging other people – when we have no idea about their lives or choices? Can we encourage dialogue and discussion instead? Hmmmm?

    PS – I hear you on reading a book. Or a newspaper. Or a news website. Or paying attention to what’s happening in the world. Just for a second? It isn’t all about you, or your thoughts on other people that aren’t you – for that matter.

  9. smartipants says:

    I like your article and think it’s great for well-adjusted people. And I’m *not* saying there’s anything wrong with being single. Maybe some of those negative comments come from people like me, who generally dislike being single. I dislike it because I never learned how to be single. I don’t know how to be by myself. I never learned how to *not* be part of a couple, so being single is very uncomfortable for me. I just turned 60; I haven’t had very much time living alone in those 60 years (married for the first time at age 16). My role models conveyed that any relationship, even abusive, is better than no relationship (which I’ve corrected my thinking on). I believe that a lot of people may have the same issues with singleness that I have, but I don’t waste time bitching about my discomforts on Twitter or anywhere else. I’m too busy at work or reading or playing or spending time with my grandchildren for that. The general discomfort is there, but I deal with it in my own ways. :)

  10. single much says:

    You should really release that rage more often! :)

  11. Liz says:

    I think people are uncomfortable with the idea that oftentimes, as you’ve mentioned before, being in a relationship is a matter of “luck.” People want to feel like we have control over our lives, so if someone is single, it must somehow be his or her “fault.” I think people are also uncomfortable with how much the world has changed and how unpredictable things have become with regard to traditional dating and family life. The economy has a lot to do with that.

    I have one friend who constantly says things to me like “you must not really want to be in a relationship because surely you would have found one by now” and “you must have a fear of commitment” and you must “purposely go for men who will leave you and turn down men who want a relationship with you.” None of these things are true, although I believe that we ALL, married as well as single, struggle with the issue of independence vs. relationship. Also, that last one is backwards reasoning: so far my relationships haven’t worked out, so of course I’ve done some breaking up and have in return been broken up with. And I also resent the idea that married people have it all figured out and are relationship experts simply because they are married. How many terrible marriages have we all seen to know this is patently untrue?

  12. Molly says:

    Do you follow Tristan Pettyman on Tumblr? You should, she just did a great post that touches on being single or an ex or what have you, but also really resonated with me about life in general. You can find the link here: