Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

The Good Days and The Bad Days

Random fact, but here it is: for the first time in my life I’ve started to keep my pill bottles on my bedside table (which is really a bookcase not a table, but…). Not all of my pill bottles. Just my everyday meds and the ones I need most often for emergencies/when I’m feeling unwell. So like 6 or 7 prescriptions.

Anyway, I’ve always kept them somewhere else. In the kitchen, where I could easily hide them in the cabinet if I had company. But now they’re right there at my bedside. And they stay there.

Not too long ago, I had company (the ) over and he saw them all and said something. I can’t remember his exact words but it was a mixture of surprise and concern. We’ve known each other for years, but he’d never seen my medicine before, I guess.

There is a reason for this story. The same reason I started to keep my pills by my bedside. I’ve always kept them hidden from the men in my life. Away. So much so that I’d even forget to pack important pills when traveling with men, because I kept it all so compartmentalized.

But not anymore. I’m tired of breaking myself into tiny little pieces. Of holding so much back. Of pretending that I only have good days.

I’ve been dating for more than half of my life. And dating has been, more than anything else, a state of constant compartmentalization. Of showing only the pre-packaged dating version of me. And dating me is healthier and prettier and happier than the whole me/real me. IRL I have good days and bad days. Just like everyone else.

There’s that whole, “For better or worse” thing in marriage vows. I don’t envy married people most things, but I envy them that. The luxury of being their worse. And having someone who is supposed to love them anyway.

I have amazing friends and family who love me, no matter what. I’m not love-starved. It would be nice, though, to have a man who could actually SEE ME, warts and all. As a start.

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23 to “The Good Days and The Bad Days”

  1. Lennie Ross says:

    Great post. No need to hide the pills.  Hiding them make them look more like a problem if they are unearthed.  But ever heard of a medicine cabinet?  That’s the Barbie-sized closet behind your bathroom mirror.  If you lay them bedside, it conveys old, infirmed or deathbed.  If a guy can’t accept that you take a little Ambien, Zoloft or the occassional Vicodin, he’s a douche-bag. As long as you’re not taking anti-psychotic drugs 😉  Like to see what he’s got in his shaving kit. Along with his cholesterol meds.  Probably a cornucopia of Levitra, Cyalis and Viagra.  

    • Simone Grant says:

      LOL, I live in a small 1 bedroom apt in Manhattan. I don’t have a medicine cabinet. And even when I did have one, I’ve never really used it for medicine.

      I agree, guys need to accept me for me. And that’s been my mindset recently. But this is a new way of thinking for me, honestly.

  2. I can relate to this:

    “There’s that whole, “For better or worse” thing in marriage vows. I don’t envy married people most things, but I envy them that. The luxury of being their worse. And having someone who is supposed to love them anyway.”

    I can’t wait for that!

  3. Sandy says:

    oh. man. i still remember this first time a boyfriend saw me wake up and take some daily pill. we were barely dating and he asked about it, with some concern, and i so did not want to go into it. so i tried to brush it off, which of course turned it into a way bigger deal than it should have been. i guess i learned my lesson and from then on didn’t keep health-stuff so private. it just makes it more awkward or disconcerting when it comes out down the line, as it will if you form any kind of serious relationship.

  4. Jack says:

    Blogging is a great way to let people see you, or so it seems to me. It is part of why I blog- easier to open up.

  5. As I understand it, experience reminds us where honesty resides, and rewards us anytime we step toward it, or make more room for it, as the case may be. You deserve to indulge a moment of satisfaction, née pride, for creating a little more breathing room on your own behalf; for reinforcing the aspects of you that love to be reminded of just how precious they are. What a brilliant way to check the honesty of those you spend time with. Thank you for writing so clearly about what can frequently catch most of us off guard, and well done!

  6. single much says:

    Omg, I usually hide mine too! Although, sometimes I forget and men have looked at me like, ‘are you bat-shit crazy?’ Why should it be such a big deal? Usually once I tell them what’s up they could careless but for some reason I still feel like I should hide it.

  7. Charlotte says:

    I think this is a wonderful post, Simone, and you’re absolutely right. I feel that by constantly trying to put our best foot forward we don’t always accurately portray who we are. Why hide and feel embarrassment over something that is a part of us? As you said: we all experience good and bad days. When looking for a partner, I think it’s necessary to lay the cards out on the table and in full display if something is a part of us.

  8. Shon says:

    You should be ALL of you…and the guy that sees it all and still wants to be around? That’s the keeper, :-)

    Oh, and don’t be too envious of the married people for that “for better or worse” considering half of them end up not really paying much attention to it through divorce and a nice little chunk of the rest forget it until their backs are up against the wall to remember it and apply it.

  9. eleanore says:

    I don’t have pills to hide, but this is really about which parts of yourself do you hold back from your dates. I usually try to spruce up my messy apartment when A Boy is coming over. I know, it’s good manners…but it’s also not “true”. He should know that I’m a little messy. Not dirty, but I like having strewn about me everything that I’ve touched in the past week. Is that so wrong?

  10. IntrigueMe says:


  11. Matt says:

    Great post.

  12. reena says:

    Great post. And a good start. It s so very good to be the original you and its far more easier than you think, once you start trying about it. And the peace and happiness it brings !!! I learned this hard fact from my own life.

  13. A few things I’ve learned as a physician: it is a matter of when, not if- that people will have some acute or chronic illness. Nice to be young and immortal- that doesn’t last.
    Perhaps I’m jaded because of my profession – but would rather know what people are about inside and out- including what meds they need – than find out later. Great way to find out what people are really about- how they deal with illness (yours and theirs).

  14. Good for you! I have recently started dating someone who takes several medications daily and he has not hid it at all from the start. It is concerning for someone who doesnt need to take medication daily because we dont understand it, but If its needed then its needed. Thats all there is to it. So I congratulate you in your freedom! Great post!

  15. Lauren says:

    I really like your point about how in the past you used to compartmentalize yourself such as the dating you and the real you. I used to do that (and I truthfully didn’t fully realize that I did it until reading this post) and then when I really started dating someone seriously, it was a wake up call to myself that hey, you’re going to have to show him the real you if you really want this to work. It’s refreshing though to be able to be yourself and know that your SO will love you because they see you, the real you.
    Lauren recently posted..VIDEO: Thanksgiving Edition – Dating during the holidaysMy Profile

  16. Reggie Kray says:

    I think we all at some point try to keep things hidden. After reading your post I looked at the bottle of pills as all the stuff we keep on the inside bottled up. We only reach for the pills when we need them. I think sometimes we need to do as you did and keep the pills out in the open. Take me as I am… Pills, flaws and all.

    Check out my blog and tell me what you think. I’m a new born so any advice, comments, or followers you can give would be a plus.

  17. Emily says:

    Interesting revelation, and yes, good for you!

  18. Mike says:

    You are who you are and people need to deal with it. As long as you aren’t hurting anyone (physically or emotionally) then no one should care.

  19. Its funny how the dating-self is the beefed up sales-version of an individual. Only the good and great is shown, all the normal and mundane hidden. I think a lot of problems people have when dating is trying to hard to create this image of grand perfection, only to let the other person down when it comes time to “open the medicine cabinet” (so to speak)
    Jason Anthony recently posted..Create an Everyday TraditionMy Profile

  20. Monique K says:

    I can absoultely relate to this! You get so tired of having to be the “Dating You.” At the end of the day a man need to accept you for who you realy are. I wish men did the same thing. I’m so tired to getting the representative in the beginning. I’m ready to get the real deal.

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