Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Self-Love

Self Love i am not a role model  727px Drawn love hearts.svg  300x247So last night was the 2nd episode of the Single Edition Radio Show (wait, do radio shows have episodes or editions or installments or…?).

Sherri and I were bouncing around ideas for the show, and I strongly advocated for Self-Love. Because, frankly, it’s an issue for me. Not only am I hard on myself. But I don’t always take very good take of myself or my home. I forget that I deserve to live in a clean home, surrounded by stability and peace. So I go days just ignoring what’s around me. Eyes glued to my computer. Living off of whatever scraps of food I have in the kitchen and take out. Letting the sink pile up with dishes, the dirty clothes pile up in the closet, and the clutter overtake EVERYTHING.

What’s frightening about this chaos is that it sincerely upsets me. I look around and it causes me stress. And then I go back to whatever I’m working on. It functions, in a way, like my own special form of self-sabotage. Like me telling me that I don’t deserve a nice orderly life.

And then, other times, my is spotless for months at a time. Because I can be a bit of a neat freak.

So I wanted to do the show on self-love, because it’s something I’m working on. As much as I love my single life and living alone, I think there is something about the nature of spending so much time alone that makes it especially hard to practice self-love.  All of the negative thoughts in my head get to echo over and over and over. Without stopping. And without anyone breaking into the conversation to suggest that maybe we go grocery shopping because there’s no food in the kitchen. Or maybe we do laundry. Or maybe it’s time to do some dishes? It’s just me, and the voices in my head.  Being hard on myself.

So enough about me and how crazy I am. On to self-love and an actual goal I’m setting for myself. Now, long-time readers probably know I’m not a huge fan of self-helpy stuff. I don’t knee-jerk reject all books and speakers in the self-help genre. Rather, there are just too many experts out there with nothing all that interesting or insightful to share. It can be hard to find the few smart voices in the crowd. Well, last night we had a couple of really smart experts as guests on the show – Christine Arylo and Lisa Steadman (and one kick-ass blogger, Cece from the The Big Girl Blog). Christine writes specifically about self-love and she talked about how people should set 40 day practices/challenges for themselves as a way to change bad habits of mind (my words, not hers).

Which brings me to this, I need to stop saying, “I’m working on it” and actually WORK on some things. And there are a couple of things I can actually do. Like, every time I have a negative thought of the. “you should have done X” variety, I can write it down.  And I can actually do those things.  The things I should have done. Well, the realistic ones. And the ones I can’t do, I’m going to have to let them go.  Or keep writing them down over and over.  Because thinking these negative thoughts over and over is just a waste of time.

As for the apartment, it’s due for a major cleanup. MAJOR. And I’m going to have to get rid of the last of the things from my move that I don’t need/can’t use in my current place. I’m going to have to dedicate a whole day this weekend to getting it done. Which I’ll do. Happily. And then make sure that the next time I hear myself thinking, “I should go shopping” or “I should do the dishes” I just stop what I’m doing and DO IT.

And here I am writing it down. So if I fail, it’s a public FAIL. Not just another private one.

PS – Feb 13 is Madly in Love with Me Day. Kinda cool.


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8 to “Self-Love”


  1. C. Fassett says:

    We have a saying out here in the West…”Cowgirl Up!” I’m behind ya girl. :)

  2. Raina says:

    Deep-cleaning and organizing the aftermath of a move or undone projects can be Cathartic. For the 40 day challenge, try skipping happy hour and putting that time toward home improvement instead. It works! With the side benefit of trimming down!

  3. Liz says:

    I’m all for hiring a cleaning person. I have one come in twice a month so that all I have to do is keep on top of clutter, do the dishes, pay the bills, grocery shop and cook, and do my laundry. That’s quite enough! I need some time for fun and relaxation, after all. I find that I can’t stand it if my place gets too cluttered and dirty– it really bothers me.

  4. Nikki B says:

    It’s all about seeing the problem – and then following through with actions. The more you DO the better you will feel and it will get easier.

    Is there room in there for meditation? I know this sounds all left-fieldy and kinda weird, but I’ve found a lot of support from my yoga practice (the part off the mat). The Eight Limbs are very much about the fact that we ALL have self-doubting thoughts, and we need to quiet them and ignore them – they aren’t us at all. Meditation really helps me do that, as well as de-stress after a tough day. I don’t sit and try not to think nothing all the time – often, before I go to sleep, I get in bed and I think about letting the day roll off me as I sit in silence with my eyes closed. I sleep better, and it keeps me grounded.

    • Simone Grant says:

      LOL I have tried meditation and FAILED. I even had someone come to my apt and try to teach me how to do it.

      I did go to my local (closest) yoga studio and pick up a schedule this weekend. One step closer.


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