Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Confirming My Suspicion

Confirming My Suspicion reasons why love stinks  iStock 000014098136XSmall 300x199So the other day I was taking a twitter break and saw this tweet from @TresSugar - Question of the day: What would you do if you discovered your boyfriend still had an online dating profile?

Been there, done that. *Giant sigh*

For me, it was confirmation that the man I was in love with was NOT the man I thought he was.

Things were already going poorly. Suddenly, freakishly bad. And I was banging my head against the wall trying to figure out why. What could be the matter?

And yes, I was foolish enough to ask. Because when someone suddenly changes their behavior towards me, my instinct will always be to communicate. To question. To try to fix things.

When, as I was told (like millions of women and men are told every day) that everything was fine I went through a process of elimination. What could be NOT FINE? And then one day it hit me, check to see if he has an active online dating profile.

And there it was. Active. VIP Premium membership. Checked within the past 24 hours.

Everything was fine. Except for that.

So why am I telling this story? It’s not just me babbling about how some did me wrong. Believe me, I get tired of those stories. The story is, in my way, my reaction to the question.

I didn’t really need to find that account. Or hear his stories about why it still existed or how he really wasn’t using it. The online dating account was just confirmation of what I already knew. That the relationship was over. And it was time to move on.

Not that I realized it at the time. Nope.

What did I really do, when I discovered my boyfriend had an active online dating account (VIP membership, checked within the past 24 hours). I listened to his ridiculous story about how he’d prepaid for a year. And had just coincidentally looked at it the day before because they kept sending him email. Out of curiosity.

I listened. And I tried to believe. And I let the relationship linger in sadness for a while longer. Because like millions of other men and women, I don’t always like to see what’s so obviously in front of my face.

It sounds like such an easy question. With such an easy answer. You find out the guy you’re dating is (probably) deceiving you and/or cheating.  Dump him.

It wasn’t so easy for me.

PS Day 3 without sleep.  Sorry about the babbling.

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Update: On Feb. 15, a group of writers (the self-proclaimed Insomniacs Club) posted stories/replies on this theme.  I’ll be updating this post as they continue to post their thoughts.


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84 to “Confirming My Suspicion”


  1. EJ says:

    I have lived with a man I thought was wonderful for 3 1/2 years. He suddenly said he wants out 2 weeks after professing long term commitment. Then I found his online profile. So I put one ofmy own up on the same site, with my real picture, but made myself younger, since that is probably what he is looking for. I am happy to give him a bit of his own medicine. We still live togehter out of necessity, but I am quickly getting over this douchebag!

  2. retrogirl88 says:

    just a few months ago i told my boyfriend i will like for us to have a break because so much was going on in my life, that i just could not function. He kept calling me and texting me none stop. Then I came around telling him im ready for us to be together and he was excited. I went to florida to visit him and spend time with him and our son for his 2nd birthday. One day he was gone to work and i wanted to use the computer. I had this feeling i should look at the history of the computer. Now for you all to know this, i trusted him 100%. But it showed he made two dating websites when we was not together. But what you all have to understand, he called me none stop telling me he loves me and wants this to work out, but at the same time he was spiting game to 12 women on a dating website. Ive been hurting none stop. I act like things are ok. But i cry none stop when im by myself. He told me it’s nathing to get mad over and left it at that. How should i react to such careless behavoir?


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