Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Something Was Just OFF About Him

Something Was Just OFF About Him dating update  iStock 000010266210XSmall 300x197Have you ever felt, within moments of meeting a person, that something was just OFF about that person?

That’s how I felt about my date last week. And I’m really bummed about it.

This was someone I’d met online weeks ago. But because of the holidays (he was traveling) we didn’t have a chance to meet until a few days ago. Yeah, that sounds familiar. What can I say?

Anyway, I was SO looking forward to meeting this .  He was nearly perfect on paper. But not too perfect, if you know what I mean.

He seemed a great match for me intellectually/professionally, as he works in the tech sector and I have always gotten along well with science/techie guys. Lots of similar hobbies/shared interests. All good stuff. In fact, I even rescheduled some work plans I had for that day to work around his schedule.

But then we met, and something was just odd. It wasn’t a physical appearance thing. It was something just OFF.  First, he didn’t make eye contact with me for most of the date. And he sat in this odd position so that his elbows were on the table and his hands were covering his mouth, the effect of which was that I couldn’t hear him very well. I kept asking him to repeat himself, but he didn’t take the hint.

Ugh. Maybe I should’ve waited a few more days to write this, as I’m still really annoyed about this. I was REALLY looking forward to meeting this guy. And it was such a bizarre date. The whole time I kept thinking, there’s got to be something I can do to salvage this, and you’re being judgmental.  But no. There was nothing I could really do.

The oddest thing was, as we were leaving he gave me this weird pat on the arm.  Like he was trying to physically connect but didn’t want to either shake my hand or attempt to hug me. So instead he gave me a pat on the arm.  Very OFF.

Oh well, another day another date. And they can’t all be good ones.


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9 to “Something Was Just OFF About Him”


  1. Dennis Hong says:

    Yeah, but bad dates make for good blog posts, right? I realized that awhile ago. ;-)

  2. Gina says:

    His body language screams “I’m hiding something”. Lack of eye contact can be due to nerves, but when it is combined with covering their mouth, it usually means something is up.

  3. browolf says:

    This story really proves why people should meet and not spend months talking online :-)

  4. VJ says:

    The wife has done this since forever. It’s always annoyed me, and I finally mentioned it to her some years back. She was utterly clueless about what her body language was projecting. She’s just tired at the end of the day and holding up her head, was the explanation. She’s often covering her mouth too. And no, we’ve been married a very long time too! Also can mumble a bit. So socially awkward can go both ways sometime.

    But mostly? The most likely explanation is that they ‘don’t get out much’ and/or they’ve never taken the time to learn or heed physical/bodily cues in conversation. Which is surprisingly common, and yet somehow fairly important too. That took about the 1st decade to understand & come to grips with. Everyone needs to remember to smile more if they’re having a good time too. It sort of covers & ameliorates a multiplicity of bad cues/poor communication skills. Great people & good souls can be guilty of all of these things too. I’ve seen it happen. So there might also be something ‘else’ or more going on. Or not ‘going on’ & just about tolerable too. Which is where we last left the story too. Cheers, ‘VJ’