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How About a Drink?

My preference, for first dates, is to meet for a drink. It can be , , beer. But, really, I don’t want to commit to more than a beverage on a . It’s a time thing.

And usually, when a guy asks me out, if he doesn’t explicitly says, “a drink”, I suggest – “How about we meet for a drink?”

Funny then (or not so funny) how a good 40% of those guys show up and immediately order . Sometimes, lots of it.  As if they’re settling in for a long evening. Making it nearly impossible for me to leave quickly without being a total bitch.  If we both just order a drink, I can leave after 20-30 minutes with a polite, “it was nice meeting you.” But I can’t do that if there’s a table/bar full of in front of him without seeming a heartless bitch.

This really annoys me. And it’s been annoying me more lately, as more and more guys seem to be doing this (arrive and immediately order a bunch of food, even though I only agreed to meet them for a drink). I think it’s kind of rude of them, actually.  But maybe I’m just being nutty.

What’s your take on this?

If your date is for "a drink" does that include food?

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17 to “How About a Drink?”

  1. Devin says:

    Don’t want someone to order food? (1) Then don’t meet them in a place with food (2) Met them for a late date like 9pm.

    • GT says:

      My take on this is that for someone who keeps saying how flexible she is, you’re impossible to please. If you can’t comfortably give up a couple hours of your schedule for a date then you shouldn’t be going on a date to begin with. You don’t want to be a bitch but you can’t suck it up for an hour with someone? I’ve had some uncomfortable dates in my time. Unless the woman was totally unbearable or rude I still managed to make it to an hour and then politely excuse myself.

      If this is so awful for you and such a problem then meet them for coffee. Though I have a feeling you’ll still find something to critique about those dates, too.

  2. Pet says:

    If I’m meeting someone for drinks, I make sure it’s in a locale that caters mainly to that. Even if it’s in a restaurant, I would choose to sit at the bar as opposed to a table. Coffee shop with few food options. And before you go, have your excuse already in place: “I can’t stay long tonight. Hope you understand”. If the date is going well, you can then choose to let him know that you are enjoying his company so much that “you are willing to go pass your bedtime, just for him”

  3. Amy says:

    Quick food is ok–appetizers or something he can pick at. Men tend to eat, so you can’t blame the guy for wanting some food. If he orders a whole meal, that’s a bit much. You specified drinks but maybe you need to be more clear in the future. Tell him you will have already eaten, so he know what to expect. Sometimes you just need to spell it out nice and clear.

    I can see how a guy ordering a meal would make the date awkward. If the guy orders a meal unexpectedly it puts weird pressure on the gal to eat on the date. Then she gets to sit and watch him eat while she sips (or gulps down) her drink. Women usually plan around the food part, so most likely if she says “let’s go for drinks” she has already eaten.

  4. See – I find it the opposite way – I am going on a bunch of blind dates to get free dinner. I actually get upset when all they want to do is get a drink – usually when I am do with work and meeting up with them, I haven’t eaten yet…and I find it a little easier to ‘close’ the evening after eating..rather than after one drink and being like ‘peace!’

    Only problem is, you are assuming they are going to pay. I had one guy go dutch. That pissed me off.

    I love the way you are like, 1 2 3 I am out of here! I tend to feel bad wanting to do that – but I must say I have not been on a blind date with someone that I want to leave that early. But I guess so is the NY way- we are busy busy and to the point! :)

    This is a great blog and I will be sure to share with my followers!

    The Girl who will sit through an awful date just to get dinner :)

    A Girl’s Got to Eat Blog

  5. The Legalista says:

    My thoughts are a drink is a drink. However, if you hit it off and want to spend more time together, it’s perfectly acceptable to suggest ordering food. If one party isn’t feeling it, it’s an easy out saying you only had time for a quick drink and have to be going. I’ve luckily never encountered that situation. However, I did agree to meet a guy for dinner. It was hibachi. He proceeded to tell me he “ate slow” but to go ahead and eat normally. I, by no means, scarfed my food. I wasn’t into him but got stuck there for 2+ hours because of his slow eating. I never agree to dinner for a first date now.

  6. Dean Kaplan says:

    I don’t think you should get mad at the guys for ordering food. Unless it’s actually stated that “look, Mr. Man, nothing but drinks”, you shouldn’t be too hard on them, because most guys think that ordering food is what they’re supposed to do, especially if they’re genuinely hungry.

  7. Lifebeginsat30ty says:

    Maybe he was hungry and didn’t want to get pissed on his date? Usually I’d order some kind of nibbles. I say unless it’s atrocious, schedule a few hours. Some people need to warm up!

  8. pups4me says:

    I don’t understand going on dates to get dinner for free (a girl’s got to eat) or getting pissed if you go dutch. Maybe this is why there are guys out there that think all women want is a free meal. Geez…it’s 2011–one shouldn’t expect anyone to pay for everything on a very first meeting.
    Perhaps I’m in the minority here, but I totally agree with SG–a drink is a drink and if you agree to meet “for drinks” that’s what it should be. I follow this same rule and it’s worked fine for me (5+years of post-divorce dating). However, I have not encountered a guy that orders a bunch of food right away. Maybe it’s different here in the midwest…

  9. lisa says:

    What if the guy is hungry? You supposely are dating single men, who most likely are not doing a lot of food shopping and cooking at home. So maybe their plans for the night are to meet you, “have a drink” and get their dinner. What is the big deal?!?
    The way to avoid this situation is to very clearly state that you only have time to meet for one drink- no more than 30 minutes, nothing more. But how that would sound if the guy was saying that to you? Yes, you would not be “forced” to spend time with someone who is not interesting to you, but honestly I would be surprised if you got any dates at all.
    Simone, lighten up!! There are many, many worse things in life than having a boring dinner companion.

  10. Fiona says:

    Agree with Legalista.
    I think if you agreed to meet for a drink that should be what’s done.
    If you want to stick around and order dinner check with your date what they’re wanting to do first.

  11. D says:

    It is not rude of them to not be able to read your mind, as if it were some kind of test. Next time, short circuit it with a a little white lie that you can only stay for 30 minutes. Then if you like the guy, stay a little longer.

  12. Jan says:

    I don’t think it’s a big deal to order appetizers if it’s around dinner time. I personally must eat something if I’m going to be drinking around dinner time since I’m such a lightweight. I think the easiest way to avoid this is to go to a coffee shop that only has a limited selection.

  13. I like this idea of going for a drink – that way you can weed out the losers from the keepers without investing too much time. Save a realxed sit down meal for the time when both parties feel it’s time to get to know each other more.

  14. LJ Maggie says:

    I usually say let’s meet for a drink. There was an instance where I had a first date and we met for dinner. After 5 minutes, I wanted to get out of the date but I was nice and had dinner and then even walked around. He seemed like he could be a friend but at the end of the date, I realized it was not a good idea.

    The man I am dating now, he suggested meeting up for drinks for our first date at a bar he had been to before, but hadn’t been there in a while. After we were there for a few hours, I suggested walking down to a cafe to get food and he was all for it and even paid even though I wasn’t expecting that, I did offer to pay my share.

    I don’t think there is anything wrong with meeting someone for a drink for a first date. In fact, one of my clients is a relationship coach and says to have a ‘meet’ date, such as a drink or coffee that should be no more than an hour. Obviously if you like the person it can be longer.

  15. Stef says:

    I agree with Simone and The Legalista. A drink is a drink, unless you both agree that ordering food is OK. Life is too short to commit to a first date that includes dinner unless you’re BOTH feeling it.

    And as far as a girl’s got to eat goes, man, that really makes the rest of us look bad. I was accused of this once (and 13 ranting texts later about how girls like me are using guys for dinner, I called the cops and that was the end of those accusations.) But I’m sorry, my time is too valuable for that. And I can pay for myself, thank you. I’d rather stay home and watch Family Guy and eat Kraft mac-n-cheese than go out with a guy I don’t like just to eat out.

    (If anyone wants to read it, that story can be found at )