As many people/friends/readers know, I tend to write many of these posts a day or even days in advance. It’s really the only way I can make it work. Sometimes, it’s a same day thing. But that’s not the norm.
So right now, as I’m writing, it’s Monday afternoon. But this will be posted Tuesday morning.
That said, Last night (Sunday) I had a date. My first first date in a few weeks. My first good first date in a long-ass time. Looooong-ass time.
Yes, it was a good date! It’s a freaking miracle.
Not only was it a good date, but it was also one of those dates that helped me to learn and grow as a dater. OK, maybe that’s overstating things. But I definitely got something out of it, other than just a good time.
First off, I was initially hesitant to go out with this guy. There were a couple of red flags that shouldn’t have been. For one, he works in the entertainment industry. And as I’ve written about, I have issues with that. And there were other random things I learned from his online dating profile that also gave me pause. Nothing BIG. But things that made me think – maybe not so much. But I’m really trying to be as open as I can be. AND, I’m glad I took the leap of faith.
That said, I was mildly annoyed before the date because he made me pick the place. Which was stupid. He was polite enough to offer to come to my neighborhood, but then asked me to pick a place. I would have preferred for him to offer to come to my neighborhood AND pick a place or, even, to pick a place in another neighborhood. But, you know what? That’s something I’m just going to have to get over. Thinking back to the hundreds of dates I’ve been on in my life, there is no correlation between the guys who picked the place, the great dates, and the guys who turned out to be wonderful people. None. So if I’m going to let myself be annoyed every time a guy suggests I pick a place for us to meet, I’m choosing to be annoyed over something of no significance.
So the date itself… we were having a pleasant conversation. All was good. I was happy to be there. And then he asked, and I can’t remember how he phrased it, if I would like to continue the conversation. We’d both just finished our drinks and so I figured it was his way of asking, ‘should I order another drink and maybe something to munch on.’ I said yes, which was the truth. And the next thing you know we were getting up and going to another place for food (just a few blocks away).
Honestly, if I could have a do-over, I would have stayed in place. There was something about moving to the new place that made things feel like they were moving along at a faster pace. And pacing is something I’m trying to pay a lot more attention to, nowadays. I firmly believe that my biggest relationship mistakes have come from letting things move too fast (and I’m not talking about sex).
With the moving to the new restaurant and deciding what to order and blah blah blah… the date went on too long. Which is not to say that I was bored at any point. I wasn’t. But we talked too much. Spent too much time together. It was all a bit more than I want from a first date (4 hours in total).
Anyway, there was a peck on the cheek out on the sidewalk and nice things said and then a text from him when he got home. All good and fine. Do I think there will be a second date? Probably. Do I want there to be a second date? Yeah, I think so. Am I still concerned about those red flags? Absofuckinlutely.
PS, I have another first date tonight. Not a single red flag with this guy and he picked an awesome place for the date (not in my ‘hood, but not far and totally worth traveling to). Not that that should matter. Stay tuned.
Tags: first date, good date, guy, online dating profile picture, red flag