Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

How far would you travel for potential love?

I’ll admit it, I’ve been sucking at the thing lately. To be honest, I’ve just been overwhelmed with life, and stuff since the beginning of the month.

I want to . I just haven’t been making the time. Instead, I’ve been letting messages sit in my online dating , unanswered. Which is rude. And stupid.

I’ll also admit that one of the reasons I’ve let dating fall so low on my priority list is that most of the guys I’m getting messages from live in the burbs (the messages get forwarded to my email, so I know they’re there without having to login to the site).  And, as I’ve written about before, I’m a city chick with ZERO desire to move out to the burbs. I don’t see myself ever having a big white house and a white picket fence.  So when I get messages from guys who are living the suburban dream, I tend to be unenthusiastic. Or less enthusiastic than if they lived in a cramped studio somewhere in the city.

Which is what it is. Maybe it’s silly that I’m discounting so many potentially great guys. Or maybe it’s practical since it’s unlikely that any of them would want to move into the city and I’m not interested in ever moving to the burbs.

Which leads me to today’s question.  I know that my situation is specific to New Yorkers and other city dwellers, but that all daters have somewhat similar issues (if I lived in the country I’d have to drive a potentially long distance for dating) – How long will you travel for a date?  Whether it be online dating or a friend of a friend or someone you’re being set up with by a matchmaker, what’s your limit? Would it be OK if that person lived an hour away?  What about 90 minutes?  2 hours?  How far would you travel for potential love? I’m putting these measure in increments of time instead of miles.

How far/long would you travel for a date?

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4 to “How far would you travel for potential love?”

  1. LadyD says:

    This is a HUGE issue for me; I work almost a second-shift job – so having to travel anywhere outside of downtown time-wise does not work; and I live in an upcoming neighborhood in a main West Coast city; I’ve gotten TONS of responses to my ad from guys in the ‘burbs, and I just DELETE them. I’m very urban, and rarely leave the city for anything – I don’t need to! The kind of guys I have things in common with LIVE and work in the city, NOT the ‘Burbs! I live in a large enough city that I won’t travel more than 15 mins. to meet someone – period! Between my weird schedule and the crazy traffic, there’s just no point! Sure, there’s good guys who live outside the downtown area, but I have NOTHING IN COMMON with them, and like you, refuse to move to the ‘Burbs! I’m a $10 cab ride home anywhere in the city, and that’s where I’ll stay!

  2. Kelly says:

    I have incredibly strong opinions about this, as I have dated men in London (I live in NYC), CT, NJ, and Long Island…and all of it is a problem, and way, way too far. At this point, I won’t even date someone I need more than two subway transfers to reach. Because either one person becomes the one willing to make all the travel sacrifice to make things work (hi, Frequent Flier mileage on British Airways) or the relationship fizzles because it’s just too damn hard to plan your life around always being somewhere other then where you need to be for work, social life, school, whatever.

    I too get online messages from nice-seeming guys from Hudson Mills Falls or some such town outside the city, and as soon as my brain registers “don’t even know where that is, not in NYC”, it’s right out, unfortunately. I’ve paid my dues.

  3. Jenny Jen says:

    We need to be more open minded. And I know that’s so contradictory considering I answered ’45 mins’ to the above poll, but if the guy messages you and is decent looking, perhaps he’d be willing to move for you if things worked out? Distance is something easily changed, right? I get it, I really do, but if that’s all it is, maybe shoot a message back. It wouldn’t hurt. After all, you are on the site for a reason.

    • LadyD says:

      @Jenny Jen: More open minded? No. ESPECIALLY when these guys own their homes; they’re not gonna just up and move to a condo in the city, especially when the chances of them being able to sell their home at a decent price is slim these days! Like I said above, distance is a huge factor as it also tells what kind of guy he is, and what his interests are. 3.2 kids and a dog just aren’t me, and when you’re dealing with shitty Seattle-area traffic, there’s just NO POINT. I have tried being “open minded”, but when you have intense, high responsibility jobs, no one wants to travel 45+ min. after a crap day to just have dinner for an hour with someone, and then spend another 45+ to get home. If I can’t meet up with someone within 15-20 mins. max, it’s not happening. PERIOD.