Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Everybody Lies

Last night I got invited out to an workshop hosted by Downtown Dharma. It was, “Creating Love and Money: An evening to help you know your worth, create abundance, and attract real love.”

Now, anyone who knows me well, knows that I’m not really the workshop type. Not because I think my life is so fabulous that I don’t need help. I’m just not into the workshop vibe, usually (too touchy-feely, self-helpy). If there’s something about my life I want to fix, I’d rather read a book, see a professional, work hard at fixing.  Not so much with the talking about it.

BUT, I accepted this invite because one of the presenters was Andrea Syrtash. Andrea is a friend and sometimes client, and I genuinely like and respect her (hence the friend thing). So I was excited to go.

Anyway, I took lots of notes, but most of them are FOR ME.  Here’s something interesting I wrote down that I wanted to share with everyone.  And I hope I’m not misquoting Andrea:

“During the first 3 months of , everyone is lying.”

She went on to explain that people aren’t intentionally lying. Rather, they’re trying to please the person they’ve just met and like, mirroring the other person, on their best behavior…  Not, in other words, being their true selves.  And that it takes a few months for everyone, in a normal dating situation, to adjust and stop lying and start being normal/who they really are.  There are, of course, some people who are just lying phonies.

So, um…I started this post with a vague idea that it was going to be a .  But, truth is, I overslept and I’m running late and I’m not all that sure what exactly my question would be.  Other than, what do you think of this?  Which really isn’t a poll question.

So, what do you think of this?

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7 to “Everybody Lies”

  1. Terry says:

    the key is when you find someone you are so comfortable with that only truth needs be told

  2. Catherine says:

    I’m not sure I’d call it lying (although I’m sure some people lie), but I think it’s more only showing the very best version of yourself. You are omitting your flaws. But I think it’s expected – no one expects you to reveal all the worst features of yourself on the first date or even in the first month. As long as you don’t conceal any dealbreakers though, purposefully, I don’t think it’s lying. It’s easing into a relationship until you are ready to reveal your full self.

  3. Ryan says:

    I try not to lie to my girlfriend 100%. I know that I would be mad if she lied to me.

  4. Leah says:

    It’s probably true to a certain extent for every kind of relationship. Think about when you first make a friend, or interact with your co-workers. There’s things that you don’t reveal right away because it’s too much too soon.

    The same thing hold for romantic relationships. Inevitably, there are things you hold back. But maybe there is even greater tendency to only show the charming or better sides of ourselves, which I feel is counterproductive to dating for the purpose of finding a real connection to someone.

    Lately, I’ve been trying to go on dates with no make-up on, and not making any extra effort to be charming or interesting. I want someone to like me only for the qualities I value in myself, and not for superficial reasons and I thought this would be an interesting experiment :) Anyways, yes I do think people lie… some of it is unavoidable, some of it is.

  5. Cougel says:

    Mature, self confident adults who know what they want don’t bother wasting their time lying- to the person they’re dating but first and foremost to themselves. If you can sniff out that kind of person early on, then u spare yourself the lying stage. No offense to Andrea, but I only agree that this happens with a certain kind of dater.

  6. Terry D says:

    I call it the six month rule. Not lies per se but lies by omission. Things we overlook or even don’t see because there is just too much GOOD stuff in our face to see the nastys. We fall in love with spontanaity and ignore tardiness. Six months later we hate tardiness and ignore spontanaity. Truth is they are opposite sides of a coin and cannot be separated. Until we learn tolerance, resentment is a natural consequence of judgement. Resentment leads to resistance and resistance leads to revenge which leads to more resentment and – ok you get the loop – Break the cycle and remember what you loved about Him/Her in the first place. No need to lie – just focus on the good stuff.
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