Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Proud or Arrogant?

I was on the phone last night, telling a friend about a date I have coming up (later today, wish me luck). It’s a guy I met online, and as I wrote about yesterday, his profile isn’t fabulous. It’s not horrible (good spelling and grammar). Just not fabulous.

So, I was telling my friend about it.  And he (my friend) asked me what was wrong with the profile and why I sounded so tentative about the date.  I stumbled a bit, because it was hard for me to put into words.

The thing is, this guy, his profile goes to great lengths to demonstrate just how happy and successful he is. In a way that crosses the line from proud-of-myself-and-my-accomplishments to arrogant-asshole. Demolishes the line. In my opinion.

But I don’t think he (my date) knows that. I get the sense that he’s actually a . A who doesn’t mean to brag.

Like, maybe he’s trying to present himself in the best possible way. Talk himself up. Perhaps overcompensate a bit for the things that he’s concerned about (like his age, which is more than 10+ years older than me and I’m guessing most of the women he approaches).

Now, honestly, back when my message box was getting flooded with a dozen + new messages a day, I probably wouldn’t have given this guy a chance. Arrogance/bragging is a major turn-off for me. But right now, this guy is the pick of the litter. And it’s really important to me to get back out there and start dating again.

Wow, that sounds bad.  Like I’m totally settling for the best of my bad options. That really isn’t it. I’m just in a place where I’m thinking more about the person who’s writing the profile, rather than the profile itself. And I’m thinking that if a friend described this guy to me, I’d probably be curious and want to meet him.

Anyway, I’ll know soon enough if my instincts were right.  If he’s a decent guy or an arrogant .  I really hope it’s the former, as I’ve had my fill of the latter.

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8 to “Proud or Arrogant?”

  1. Jenny Jen says:

    Good luck with over-compensation dude. Just remember (as it’s clear you already know) the person who has to point out what they have (when it is already obvious) instead takes away from what they have. These are the same men who treat you to an extravagant, delicious meal of food “their treat” than talk about how much it cost, and how much they tipped, etc. Prove-a-point guy subtracts his own points every times he makes them known.

    Let us know how it goes. Fingers crossed for you, lady!

    • Simone Grant says:

      Well, as I said, arrogance is on my least of least favorite things. But I’m willing to spent an hour of my time (including travel time) to see what this guy’s like in person. My experience tells me there’s rarely much correlation between a guy’s profile and what’s he’s really like.

  2. D says:

    “back when my online dating message box was getting flooded”

    You realize that no man has ever experienced this phenomenon, right? As in the offline world, men online are expected to do the chasing. Given that, it’s natural that we try to brag a little to get you to see what we have to offer.

    I’ve learned that it pays NOT to do that, but as I mentioned in the bost about “good” profiles, most people aren’t very good at presenting themselves online. I only learned that after contacting, literally, hundreds of women online, going on dozens and dozens of dates and rewriting my profile many times. Is that really the most productive use of my time?

    I’m really curious to hear how this one goes. Not that I expect you to go ga-ga over him, but I suspect his profile will not be any more predictive of the experience than the ones the pickier you went for in the past.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Yes, I know that it’s rare for guys to get lots of messages. It’s a new girl in the shark tank effect that happens in NYC (I have no idea about other places).

      Fingers crossed this won’t be a waste of time.

  3. Sandy says:

    Good luck! I also suspect this guy is having a hard time presenting himself online. It’s hard. It won’t be a waste of time because either way you’ll have a good story!

  4. We’ve ALL had our fill of the latter, I feel like. Good luck! Hope it’s a douchebag free evening.

  5. I wish you all the luck in the world! I have a date tonight too, with a mediocre profile who seems like a really decent guy too. Can’t wait to trade stories later! :)

  6. Camilla says:


    It’s can be fun dating the arrogant men. There are ones that are arrogantly intelligent or feel very successful. Either way, these people are all over NYC because they lack confidence.

    I just wrote a blog post about guys from Ivy League schools – some of them can be completely arrogant about their education as well. The only school I’m missing right now is UPenn. I’m pretty sure I did date one at one point in time…