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This is Why People Hate Dating

This is Why People Hate Dating online dating  1196819 surprised womanI was supposed to have a this weekend. And another tonight.

Supposed to.

They were going to be my first 2 dates in months. But no. Both were cancelled. And this is why (some) people hate dating.

I don’t, for the record, hate dating. No usually.  But some days…

Here’s the story: I crawled out from under my dating rock last week and immediately received a message from some guy I went out with, once, many years ago. I don’t really remember him but he remembers me. I decided to view that neutrally. We exchanged several emails and then spoke on the phone and made plans to get together this past weekend.

Now, I’m not a big fan of reruns. I figure, if we didn’t have a great date the first time, why bother?  But it was a really long time ago and I don’t even remember meeting him. So no harm/no foul. And it would be good to just get back out there, y’know? But then, I don’t hear back from him with concrete plans til Saturday late in the morning, when he texted me to ask if I was available to get together early that afternoon.

Um, no. Because a) I was busy and b) I’m pretty much never going to be available to some guy I don’t know who says, “how about you drop what you’re doing and meet me for coffee in a couple of hours.”

So that date isn’t going to happen after all.

The other is equally stupid and frustrating. There’s this guy (who I think might know about the blog, *sigh*) I went out with a few times a few years ago. And he’s been asking me out every few months since then. And I always say no. Not because there’s anything wrong with him. He’s a perfectly . I just don’t see him and I ever turning into anything. ANYTHING.

I don’t even think he really likes me. It’s just about getting me to say yes, at this point. So last week, out of the blue, I got one of his texts. And I figured, why not?  So I said, yes.  And he suggested Monday night (tonight). And I said, yes.  So yesterday I got a text from him with his availability for the week (as if I hadn’t already said yes to a specific night).  Monday night was not one of the times he was available.

My yes has now turned to a, you’ve gotta be fuckin kidding me. I’m fairly certain that this proved my theory. That he just wanted to get me to say yes. Not to actually go out with me. Or my other theory, that he’s not the kind of guy I could ever be into, because he can’t even plan a proper date.

And so…  I’m back to the drawing board.  Another weekend/week without a date.  Ho-hum.

In other news, just took and uploaded some new online profile pics.  So we’ll see what we happens.

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22 to “This is Why People Hate Dating”

  1. This is the perfect example of why some people hate dating (myself included). It’s such a waste of your time and energy agreeing to go out with guys who aren’t serious about it. Shape up or ship out!

    • Simone Grant says:

      Well, in all fairness, I wasn’t all that serious about either of them. At best, I was hoping to be surprised. But, as I said, I’m not a big fan of reruns. I was thinking it was worth the hour of my time, each time, to go out and give it a shot.

      But my first instinct (reruns = waste of time) seems to be accurate and I will happily use tonight to start the book that’s been on my nightstand for weeks, waiting to be read.

  2. Donna says:

    Hi Simone. After reading the above post and some from the past few weeks when you were sick/moving, I was wondering if you ever regret ending things with Mr. Midwest. He seemed to be a decent guy, planned nice dates with good wine, you had a good time with him. I know you said the “butterflies” were not there, but Simone, what excatly are you looking for? WHo do you except to met? Men are not like iphones, where they are new, updated with more features models constantly being put out on the market.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Nope, never a once. In fact, this the first time I’ve thought about him in months. I had no feelings for him. None. He was just a pleasant enough man.

      AND, he had a similar lack of feelings for me.

      I don’t expect to meet anyone. I’d like to meet someone who I care deeply for. Who is a friend. Who I think about/daydream about when he’s not around. And if I don’t meet someone like that, then I’ll happily stay single.

      I realize that’s not acceptable for some people (hence you assuming I’m shallow, always needing a newer/better guy because an attractive, successful man wasn’t good enough for me). But I’m not particularly interested in anyone’s approval.

      • Gen says:

        OMG I completely agree. If I cannot find the type of man I want (one who is decent, kind, honest, faithful, has morals, can communicate well, is so attractive to me he gives me butterflies) then you know what – I will just stay single too. If I can’t have the whole package then I choose to have nothing and I am happy with that. I will not settle out of desperation.

        • Simone Grant says:

          I think there are a lot of us out there. Quietly living our lives and dating. But the big myth is that we must SETTLE DOWN. And we’re shallow morons if we don’t.

          I’m not so good with the quietly thing.

          • Gen says:

            I’m no good with the quietly thing either. Mainly because I continuously have people forcing their opinions on me of how I should live my life. They fail to understand that not wanting children and not settling for Mr ok are perfectly valid life choices and that I make myself happy!!!!

            • Simone Grant says:

              Well, Gen, you’re part of the crowd here. A big crowd. And while I have plenty of guests who like to pop by to tell me I’m living my life wrong, we just ignore them.

              Only insecure/unhappy people go around telling others how to live their lives.

  3. pansophy says:

    Just because a woman asked me this a couple of days ago, ‘why do guys continue to ask me out even when I keep telling them no?’

    …because many times a woman eventually says yes, even if that yes is out of sheer boredom. So the strategy works…

    • Simone Grant says:

      Indeed. It has worked on me before. It was only going to be a drink. Just to flex my dating muscles, if that makes sense.

      And now I’m going to have to go on a real date…

  4. Adam Ladolce says:

    There’s nothing worse than having back to back flakes on dates. The key is to not let it get to you and to remember all of the dates that went well in the past!

    Adam LaDolce

  5. Brenda says:

    Just stumbled upon your blog via a retweet. I have a guy who I loosely dated for a few months this summer and now he has been in a “not ready to date” status which I totally accept because I know his circumstances. He texts me every 2-3 weeks checking in and then the texts don’t amount to much. Recently he asked me out and then bailed at the last minute. Still wondering why even bothers checking in if he doesn’t intend to actually move forward. Annoying.

    • Simone Grant says:

      It is annoying (and I’m glad you stumbled upon us). Sadly, some people see nothing wrong with wasting other people’s time.

      I’m guessing he’s not all that aware of what he’s doing. He’s just keeping you around for if/when he’s available. And isn’t thinking about your thoughts/feelings at all. RUDE.

    • Ah…I have one of those, too. He doesn’t want a relationship, but I think he keeps tabs on me a) hoping for a fling b) so that if he just might want a relationship, I’m still an option.

  6. Sarah Day says:

    I would have texted guy #2 back with my availability… which would state something like “I’m available Monday and Never… looks like we’ll have to postpone”

    Dude #1 sounds like he was waiting to make sure nothing else more exciting was going on. SO NOT WORTH YOUR TIME!

    See, now I hate dating because I have to shave my legs… or wear nylons… or only date in minus 20 weather where I can wear a parka… just sayin’…

  7. If it makes you feel any better I can’t actually recall my last bonafide date. Ho hum.

  8. Michelle says:

    Are you my twin? I’ve always wanted a sister.

  9. Hopelessly Beautiful Successful & Single says:

    I love this. So true, happens to me all the time.
    Sympathy story: I once attempted to date a guy who had an older child (I’m 23, his kid was 9) who proceeded to blow me off for every date we had planned. Using the “oh my kid needs me” card. Well given I’m not use to this particular “older kid” situation I decided it may be good for me to date someone who didn’t make me the center of his universe & allowed me to keep the time for myself. A little personal insight I tend to be the girl that intensly dates and then gives up most of my gym time for an new love interest and when I get fat, pissed off, I dump them as soon as the road gets rough & the honey moons over.

    Anywho, here I was accomodating “father of the years” schedule and decided to go to the gym when our breakfast plans were yet again a “conflict of interest” with his kid schedule. I’m in the parking lot of the local gym telling my mom how this relationship style may be good for me, the guys a good guy blah blah for about 45 minutes. I go into the gym & as I’m jamming out on the eliptical guess who goes walking by… guess it Mr. I can’t make it because my ex wife got called into work so I gotta watch my son, Lying asshole. Best part was he played stupid “oh what are you doing here” small talk but I wasn’t having it. I decided to calm myself down (don’t want to come off as the lunatic, which I can look like when I’m mad) and confront him in the parking lot. As he walks away having told me some lame excuse he walks towards this white Ducati that I realized I had been staring at for the 45 min I was talking to my mom in the parking lot. Meaning he not only lied to me about blowing me off, he also bullshitted his “oh well I ended up dropping my kid at a friends house, I just got here” story.

    Just goes to show that even the 36 year olds with the good jobs & older kids can still have the maturity of an 18 year old.

  10. Jane Sheeba says:

    Guy #1 is a sure no. I don’t like anyone who I have not known earlier to just invade my space and time and say come on let’s go. Never.

    But Guy #2, I don’t know, I think something wrong might have happened on his side. Or may be he didn’t get the point that you were available on Monday clear. Well, as you say, guys sometimes want us to say Yes and that is it. He might have fixed a bet or something with his friends to make you say yes :). Bad.