I feel like I’ve been down this road a thousand times, and each time I get a little more pissed off.
It’s Thursday afternoon, and I’m supposed to be taking a little break now. Walking around the block or something. Maybe even washing my hair, so that when I go out tonight (dinner with an old friend I haven’t seen in months) I don’t look like a monster.
But instead I’m writing this. Because I saw a tweet a few minutes ago that really, um, inspired me.
There are a few hot-button topics in the singles world. One of the biggies is, “Should women settle?” The flip-side of which is, “Are women too picky?”
Oh, how I loathe these topics. I loathe them because they lump all women, and more specifically, all unmarried women over a certain age (as they tend to be aimed at the over 30 set) into a big homogeneous group. And I loathe them because they are unnecessarily simplistic. And yeah, sometimes I oversimplify. But I acknowledge it.
Let’s start with the premise: if a woman is over 30 (or 35, or 40 – pick a number)and single then she is obviously wrong/bad/needing of guidance. She needs to reassess so that she can be set about on the right path. And millions are made each year on the peddling of this self-loathing, so I guess it must be effective.
Anyway, the tweet that got me annoyed was playing with this theme. It’s what people do on twitter. They try to be provocative so that you’ll click on their links.
Now, I like Jill. And I read the post. It’s all very go-girl, positive. Lead in to the last paragraph: “Don’t settle for less then you deserve in life and love, keep a good attitude and keep learning and you’ll find your perfect match too.”
But the question in the tweet asks, “at what age and point should you settle?’ And, of course, there are women who would say, NEVER. And others who would preach the gospel of settling.
I would like to point out, again (I feel like such a broken record on this) that this is another one of those false dichotomies. A woman can be happily single AND still be open to meeting someone. She is not either miserable and lonely OR in a relationship.
A woman can realize over a couple of decades (or less) of dating that her priories have shifted. And that the things she used to prioritize in a potential mate aren’t that important, after all. She can develop new relationships, later in life, based on those new/different priorities. This is not settling, it’s evolving as a human being. Or not.
A woman (or man, for that matter) can keep a good attitude, keep learning and keep dating and do everything every single dating/relationship expert says, and still never find their perfect match. Single-ness is a not a sign of failure or being unworthy in some cosmic way. It just is what it is. A state of being. Neither definitely good nor bad.
This ends my sermon for the day.
Tags: Break, relationship, settle, single-ness