Catching Up and Taking Stock
I called a friend, someone I hadn’t spoken with in a while. He’s been busy, I’ve been busy. It happens.
He asked how I was doing and I told him that I was finally feeling better and almost unpacked and fully settled in to the new apartment.
Then, he asked about work and told him that work was going well. That I was massively behind on a big writing project, but other than that, pretty good.
He asked about my dating/sex life and I told him the truth. My sex life was a mixed blessing (great sex occasionally, with the same fb as always) and that I hadn’t had a date in ages. It’s the longest I’ve gone dateless in years, and it’s feeling like too long. Like I need to get back out there. Now.
I asked him lots of questions about him, too. But his story is his story.
He sensed, from my tone, that I was feeling a little down. Which, I guess, I was/am. Truth is, I’ve been feeling a little lonely lately. Or maybe it’s not lonely. Maybe it’s unfulfilled. All of this pushing and doing and… it’s feeling a bit empty.
Heck, maybe I’m feeling lonely and unfulfilled.
Or too exhausted to feel anything other than tired?
So he said, “The last time we spoke you were sick, work wasn’t going so well, things were still up in the air about your apt and you hadn’t gotten laid in ages. Now you’re healthy, work is good, you’re all moved in to your new home and you got laid last night. Sounds like progress to me.”
He had a point.
I am and will always be the chick who pushes harder. Who wants more. Not so much from others. It’s frightening, just how little effort I’ve been willing to settle for in the past. But I have a tendency to want more from my life and myself. Always. And sometimes I forget to take a quick step back and appreciate what I have.
So this is me, on a groggy Monday morning, trying.
Tags: apartment, date, friends, lonely, sex, work
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I have felt like that many times. But I think every one does at sometime or other. We don’t appricate what we have when we have it because maybe we are too busy with other things.
Indeed. I’m committed to changing that, though I’m not exactly sure how. I think it starts it more time off. Somehow.
“More” has always been the WORST 4-letter word for me, because I always want MORE: More love, more sex, more intimacy . . . Foo. =:-( Right there ‘wit cha; last BF broke up in March; have been getting out there and dating a lot since then, but mainly finding just “Meh” guys or finding a great guy, but he’s divorced with 3 kids under the age of 7 – Grrrr! Had to throw that one back – I’m just not a kid person. So, onward I go. Actually met someone interesting Sat. night @ a club while out dancing; he’s a friend of a friend – could be interesting – a girl’s gotta try! I simply do not believe I’m meant to be alone the rest of my life. I’ve just been terribly lonely the last few months, and am dreading the holidays being solo – again. *sigh* It doesn’t make it any easier that I’m 44 and will be 45 in April. Never thought I’d still be single, but here I am. Woof. =:-/
More is a dreadful word. But then, I think of the opposite. The people who are just fine and happy with whatever lands in their laps. That wouldn’t suit me either.
The holidays are hard. sigh. I am considering my plans. Have been all day. I frequently spend them with friends. This year, IDK.
Hey, your friend had a great way of putting things into perspective! That doesn’t mean you can’t still feel lonely though. To that, I give a hefty: DITTO!
I try to remind myself, frequently, that there are far worse things than lonely. And that I’d rather be lonely and alone than lonely and with someone.
I have been there until recently. I get the same way where I have put little effort into things and sometimes put things off and miss some great writing opps. I recently got a part time job to help my financial situation, some new writing opps and well a new man. Starting to feel a little better.
Keep your head up, sounds like things are slowly going better for you.
Congrats, I’m glad things are going better. My head is up. I’m just exhausted. Maybe just a few days off….