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Women Want Love, Men Want Sex, I Want a Drink!

Last night, for the second time in a week, I heard a man make the following statement:

Want Love, Want

Now, to be fair, the first guy who said it presented it as a question. He asked me (and another female friend) if we thought there was any truth to it.  The second preached it as gospel.  Saying, in essence, that men woke up every morning thinking about sex (which, I’d imagine is true, in many cases) and women woke up every morning thinking about love (which I know to be false, as I am a woman and I can’t remember the last time I woke up thinking about love).

I’ve certainly made plenty of ridiculous generalizations in my time. PLENTY. And, for sure, any time anyone says, “men want X” or “women want Y” they are sure to be wrong because human beings are complex creatures and not all men nor all women are alike (hence my general distaste for and the dispensing of wisdom that starts with, “Men are…”). But I find this particular pearl of wisdom particularly distasteful and here’s why:

1)  If you were to create a pie chart of the last decade of my life, and divide it up by how many days I awoke thinking of sex, love and then a third slice called other (because there are some days when both sex & love are nowhere on my radar screen, it would look something like this:

Women Want Love, Men Want Sex, I Want a Drink! sex batshit crazy  Now, I’m not claiming to be a typical woman, but I am actually female.  And I think of sex a lot more than I think of love, even when I’m in a relationship. Call me crazy, I like sex.

2)  I know actual straight men, with functioning penises, whose charts would reflect a much higher percentage of time focused on love.

Just because people repeat things, over and over, doesn’t make them true.

Oh yeah, today was supposed to be a poll. I guess I’m still off schedule. Or something.


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30 to “Women Want Love, Men Want Sex, I Want a Drink!”


  1. Crystal says:

    I very often wake up thinking about food…or my bladder…or the fact that the shades in my bedroom really suck at blocking out light.

  2. i woke up today thinking about sex.. and i tweeted it..
    …but im a freak… :-)
    xoxo

  3. I think about sex ALL. THE. TIME.

    Truly.

    And love? That shit just scares me.

    That’s all I have to say.

  4. Delilah says:

    I hate when people make generalizations like that. I happen to be a woman who spends more time thinking about love, but I’m sure there are plenty of other women who think about sex way more than I do.

  5. Nile says:

    I’ll say women think of sex as much as men do but I’d like to think of doing it with someone I really love. Not just random s*x.

  6. pansophy says:

    I’ve been known to make a few broad generalizations or two. Some I’ve brought up here. None of them are wholly true, I’m sure. What I do know is that men and women are not the same with different body parts. Differences on everything from body parts, circulating hormones, brain development, and cognition are driven by reproduction, er, sex.

    Complex behavior is, well, complicated and I don’t think anybody really knows how to break it down into simple rules. Sometimes I think advertisers are the true psychologists, and while sticking a hot girl in a commercial can sell a lot of beer does the same simple approach work with women? If it does I haven’t seen it.

    Viagra works for men and not for women, why? Because arousal and desire are strongly linked for men and it’s really not for women. Women show similar physiological changes when using viagra, but still they don’t want to have sex any more than did before they took it.

    So are there women that have a stronger sex drive than their male partner. Yep, and I seem to run into more and more of those women all the time. But take an ‘equally’ sexual guy and girl and I would bet the guy is less selective about who he has sex with than the woman would be (and I bet he would be more likely than the woman to have sex while sick – I still want to see that poll!).

    So do women think about love while men think about sex? I don’t know, but we are different.

    • Simone Grant says:

      We are indeed different, in many ways. However, not to split hairs… there are indeed, many cases, where advertisers use hot men to sell products to ladies. The publishing industry is the first that comes to mind. Remember Fabio and all those bodice buster in the pre e-book era?

      And while women (with high sex drives) are probably more selective (than guys) about how they have sex with, it’s not about love. Rather, it’s about quality. Sexually experienced women want to avoid bad sex. Whereas men…. Not quite as picky in that regard. You are easier to please, I guess.

    • NikkiB says:

      Yes we’re different – but I disagree strongly that it ALWAYS translates into sex drives. Look at the way Society influences us our entire lives – and realize that means you cannot possibly do an unbiased study on this. Men are taught to downplay emotions, and women to downplay their sex drives. Period. Advertising does this to us from day one: Men are this way, women this way. It’s not just playing to what we like, it’s playing to who we’re supposed to be, according to culture and societal distinctions. Sure, this seems like a chicken-and-egg conversation, but pay attention to ads: I think they CLEARLY re-state societal male and female roles that DON’T make sense across the board. If they did, all men would be daft beer-guzzling skirt-chasers who work and want to know what’s for dinner, and women would still be doing all the cooking and cleaning.

      I’m also really tired of using “science” to back differences in sex drives. I highly recommend the following for why: http://ppbloggers.wordpress.com/2010/08/18/pepper-wants-to-talk-to-you-about-sex/

    • Tia says:

      Excuse me, but perhaps the men are buying the beers because they want beer and not because of the half-naked lady on the front?
      You really have to think critically. Sure, there are differences between the sexes, but there are differences between everyone. Even the men with high sex drives don’t necessarily sleep with everything they see. They have brains, and remember, sex starts in the brain!
      I think the differences really are overblown, by the media, and society in general. What we need to focus on is our similarities, that way maybe men won’t think that the only emotion they can express openly is lust, and women won’t think she has to have a penis to be a successful engineer…

  7. D says:

    I’ve heard that women who go thru with gender reassignment surgery (which means they begin by taking male hormones) are surprised by how much more they think about sex.

  8. Black Iris says:

    It’s a stupid generalization. Very few people of any gender wake up in the morning and think about love. It’s not that love is unimportant, love is the center of my life, but I don’t wake up and think about it. Most of the time I take it for granted.

    Sex, on the other hand, is something many people are ready for in the morning. Blood pools in your genitals at night. I believe this is just as true for women as for men, but it’s less obvious. Maybe some men think about sex first thing because they look down and remember they need to do something for their body. If they haven’t had sex in a while, the reminder will keep them focused on it.

    If you’re having reasonably regular sex, though, you probably wake up and think something boring like “what can I eat for breakfast?” or “I have to get up and drive the kids to school” or “I have a big meeting at work.”

  9. Dateclass101 says:

    Well Sex is something that is fundamental.To think about is no sin.To always think about it is a Sin.I think we have feelings and sex is one big part of that Feeling.There are other things in life that we need also to do.So i think sex should be an icing to the Cake.May be thing about showing Love to your Partner and then sex would be more enjoyable.

  10. Tomfoolery says:

    My old pappy says men talk to women to get them to have sex and women have sex with men to get them to talk. Simplistic? Sure. Stereotypical? Sure. Kernel of truth in the same way that black people drive like THIS and white people drive like this? Sure.

  11. Love it! Though I’ve been making a lot of generalizations about men lately, good to hear someone say something about it.

  12. Who knows!! I wake up thinking about the day and go to bed thinking about the day….depending on the time of the month I think a lot about sex. Love is life so I don’t think about that too much. Sex is a part of life to but I wouldn’t say I love it…it’s there when you need a tension release.

  13. The Legalista says:

    Since I turned 30 my own pie chart has certainly shifted. Waking up thinking about sex is probably well over 50% of my mornings, love less than 20% and the rest is “other”.

  14. NikkiB says:

    This is a great post! I for one DO wake up thinking about sex, and think about it during the day, and at inappropriate times, and have often been thankful I don’t have a penis – because no one can tell when I’m aroused, thank you very much.

    I think, as many commenters pointed out, people are different. It’s not men vs. women, but each individual’s sex drive/interest in emotional commitment. AND at that point in their lives.

    One thing that hasn’t been brought up is the influence of the world in which we live. Whether we want to admit it or not, we are surrounded our entire lives by societal stereotypes of men and women. I’d argue that they encourage men not to be “sensitive” and to ignore/repress/downplay emotion, and women to not be “slutty” and ignore/repress/downplay sex drives. Sure, this seems simplistic – but I think it’s reality. Broad stereotypes of “women want love and men want sex” or “men talk to women to get them to have sex and women have sex with men to get them to talk” just INGRAIN those stereotypes – they don’t, in my opinion, speak to any truth across the board.

    Stereotypes are STEREOTYPES. They are actually rarely based in fact – but instead on what the perpetrators want others to believe. Pretending that there is ANY kernel of truth in them only allows the prejudice to continue.

    We shouldn’t be deciding if we live up to these stereotypes – but instead how we truly feel. Exploring and embracing both our sexuality AND our emotions. It’s not just women being more into sex, but men being more into feeling things. As a woman, I believe this to be true for women, and some women but not all. Of course, I can’t say for men. Do they feel ok embracing emotions? Do they feel pressure to be driven by sex? I don’t know – but those are questions we aren’t asking – and I wonder why not.

  15. Trish says:

    I think about having sex with this guy…who flirts with me like crazy at school, but doesn’t call or text me after our first date(its been a month). I’m crazy about him, but put up a huge guard around him, because I think he just wants SEX. I just became single after a 5 year relationship, and this is the most confused I have ever been!

  16. single much says:

    Oh Simone, you slay me. :)